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AIBU?

To expect to be told?

40 replies

CryingInFrontOfStrangers · 25/01/2017 18:27

6 year old was in trouble yesterday lunchtime for being somewhere he shouldn't have been (but not anywhere dangerous, it just wasnt his year group's turn). On the day he went on a 'yellow' which results in lost golden time on Friday. Today he tells me that he has also had to write an apology letter to the dinner ladies and is missing lunchtime play until the end of the week. Does this seem excessive to anyone else? If whatever he did was that bad that he needs punishing 5 times over for it then surely I should have been told?

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PotteringAlong · 25/01/2017 18:30

He's not been punished 5 times over. He was out of bounds. As a direct consequence of that he was put into yellow and thus misses golden time. Part of his punishment for being out of bounds is that he can't be trusted to be out at lunch and theresfore he has forfeited that right this week.

icelollycraving · 25/01/2017 18:33

It depends where he was/what he was doing.
It seems quite a punishment but I doubt he will do it again.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 25/01/2017 18:34

Does this seem excessive to anyone else?
No if doesn't.

If whatever he did was that bad that he needs punishing 5 times over for it then surely I should have been told?

No he isn't. It's consequences of the one punishment.

CryingInFrontOfStrangers · 25/01/2017 18:37

They're supposed to start every day with a clean slate. And he needs to run around and burn off energy in between lessons (don't all 6 year olds?)

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icelollycraving · 25/01/2017 18:38

A week of not running around won't kill him.
I think it's good that boundaries are put in place tbh.

Crumbs1 · 25/01/2017 18:41

Sounds more like he needs to learn to do as he is told. No,you shouldn't be told. The school were acting in loco parentis and imposed a reasonable sanction. You should be telling him he needs to obey teachers and dinner ladies.

Sunshine1509 · 25/01/2017 18:42

Is it a gym trail type thing?
If this is the first occasion then I would say it seems excessive - a yellow card fine but missing lunch play all week is a bit much

If it's happened on a few occasions then I would say they are just trying to enforce the rules and aren't being unfair

dollydaydream114 · 25/01/2017 18:43

Have you actually had any of this confirmed by his teacher?

If he wandered off to do something with another year group instead of sticking with his own class, that would be quite high up the scale of bad behaviour I think, so the punishment doesn't sound unreasonable to me. I would say that a child of six staying put with their own year group and their own teacher rather than wandering off to join another year group/class or whatever is quite a problem, and would need to be taken seriously.

Sunshine1509 · 25/01/2017 18:45

But on the other hand was he maybe a bit cheeky to the dinner ladies and that's why it's being made a deal of (writing an apology letter doesn't sound like something they would do for being in the wrong area on the wrong day)

TheNaze73 · 25/01/2017 18:45

Perfectly normal to me

gamerwidow · 25/01/2017 18:48

I think it's unlikely they would have applied the punishment without good reason. It's harder work to enforce a sanction then to just let kids do their own thing. Probably worth a quick chat with his teacher to check you're getting the full story. I know my 6 yo often gets stuff like this mixed up.

PurpleMinionMummy · 25/01/2017 18:56

It depends on the exact circumstances. Our gym trail is right next to the playground and they can switch between them easily as the same staff supervise both. It really wouldn't be a big deal, they'd just get sent back on the playground and told not to go on unless its their class' day. If they tried it repeatedly, it would get mentioned to a teacher and they'd probably be moved down on their reward chart that day.

If however it meant he wondered away from his own class/year/supervising staff members, I would understand them being harsher.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/01/2017 18:58

Why is he writing a letter of apology to the dinner lady for being out of bounds? Are you sure it's one incident that's led to it all?
But no, I don't think it's too harsh, I'm just confused as to why he's to apologise to the dinner lady.

CryingInFrontOfStrangers · 25/01/2017 19:00

It was during lunch time, he went on the gym trail thing when he shouldn't have. I don't doubt that I probably haven't got the full story from him and fully support the yellow sanction and apology letter. It's just the ongoing punishment for the rest of the week that bothers me.

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CryingInFrontOfStrangers · 25/01/2017 19:00

It was during lunch time, he went on the gym trail thing when he shouldn't have. I don't doubt that I probably haven't got the full story from him and fully support the yellow sanction and apology letter. It's just the ongoing punishment for the rest of the week that bothers me.

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Teatowelfairy · 25/01/2017 19:15

If it is just a case of him being on the gym trail when he shouldn't have then I do feel it's excessive to miss lunchtime everyday until the end of the week, a letter of apology and missing one lunchtime plus moving name seems adequate enough. However considering the punishment it's possible there's more to it.
Surely if he behaves for the rest of the week then he will earn his golden time back anyway so can't be classed as part of his punishment really.

TataEs · 25/01/2017 19:19

i don't believe in stopping outdoor play for children. it goes against everything we know to be good for them. one lunch time if the offence is worthy, but not all fucking week, that's just excessive imo. it definitely ask the teacher to clarify what happened, and who determined the punishment, is that a standard punishment for a yellow (what ever the fuck a yellow is!) and then i'd probably see the head and express my concerns there if i still had them. which i would. play is essential imo, plus ud get nothing out of my son if he didn't burn some energy at lunch, so it would be impacting his learning. plus... harsh, he went on some playground equipment when it wasn't his day, he didn't burn shit down or call the teacher the c word...

CryingInFrontOfStrangers · 25/01/2017 19:21

They don't/can't earn golden time back unfortunately. This is my point really, I want to support the school but if ds has done something so bad that he needs to be punished for 4 days then surely I should be informed of what he has done by someone more reliable than ds!

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AmeliaJack · 25/01/2017 19:25

It sounds like it might have been more serious than you know.

Quietly contact the school and politely ask for the whole story.

Regardless I'd support the punishment - he won't do it again.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/01/2017 19:26

I would agree that there is probably more too it, but I also agree with toy OP that if it's serious enough to warrant that serious a punishment you should have had a note home.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/01/2017 19:27

More to it, not more too it.

Stonewash · 25/01/2017 19:28

Yes, I think it sounds excessive OP. Surely he's likely to have got the message from just one of those things? A mild warning would probably be enough, without also having to miss golden time, write a letter and miss multiple play times. A string of various sanctions sounds very OTT and won't achieve anything extra. If all that is happening after a 6 year old being in the wrong place at the wrong time, what do they do for anything more serious? Is this consistent with the school's behaviour policy and who decided upon it?

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Teatowelfairy · 25/01/2017 19:30

If he can't earn golden time back then how do they start every day with a clean slate?
At my dc school they only miss golden time if they are on red and those on red don't get the opportunity to earn it back but those on yellow do get the chance as it's more of a warning than anything. So it sounds like there's more to it tbh.

Isadora2007 · 25/01/2017 19:30

Bullshit. You don't suppprt the school if they are not being fair.

It sounds very excessive to me and I would not be happy at all about missing active play sessions. The yellow card and loss of golden time is fair. The apology is also (restorative justice perhaps?) but the no playing out? No.

My kids know that I will always fight in their corner...but I will also be harsh on them where necessary and to an appropriate level.

lalalalyra · 25/01/2017 19:35

It sounds like there is more to it. I'd expect if you speak to the school they'll tell you that it wasn't just that he was out of bounds. Missing playtime for 3 days sounds like a "can't be trusted to play out safely".

Did he say why he had to write a letter to the dinner ladies? Do dinner ladies supervise the playground or has something happened in the lunch hall as well?

If he lost golden time for being out of bounds and then lost playtime for being cheeky to dinner ladies/something which happened in the lunch hall that would make more sense. The playtime loss would be because there's no golden time left to lose.

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