To think she is my real niece?

[Mrsemcgregor]

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

[Soubriquet]

Yanbu!

She's your niece by marriage and therefore your "real" niece

[dalmatianmad]

Your mil is a twat, ignore....

[Mrsemcgregor]

Thank you, I remember as a child thinking my mums brothers wife was as much my aunt as my mums sister. The marriage thing never even occurred to me. I loved them all just as much.

[Crumbs1]

You are a real aunt.

[CoraPirbright]

Hmmm is your MIL usually a bitch?

[Laralouie]

Yanbu of course she's your real niece.

[Mrsemcgregor]

cora no, that's the weird thing. I don't usually feel pushed out but now her DD is giving her a grandchild (and a girl at that, we have 2 DS) she seems to be less keen on us.

[Welshgirl40]

Bloody weird thing to say.

[Welshgirl40]

Precious first grand daughter? She's mine.... mad cackle.... all mine....

[Wtfdoipick]

She is right up to a point. I consider my uncle's wife my aunt but she isn't the wife he was married to when I was born. If you do ever divorce technically you will no longer be related. Still not nice to come out and say it though.

[Chloe84]

Get a big card card saying 'on the birth of my niece' or similar. That'll annoy her.

[FairyAnn]

YANBU. I hate this sort of thinking. I have a cousin whom I am very close to, as close as sisters, and I refer to her children as my nieces and nephews.

A few naysayers have trotted out that 'they're not really though" line and I tell them to stuff off quite frankly.

For me, terms like Aunt and Uncle are a sign of respect as well a blood relation. I used to call my older cousins Uncle and Aunt because it felt rude to call them just by their first names.

Beside, this child is your niece by marriage so your MIL is talking out of her bum!

[dowhatnow]

Well that's you told about how she really views you...

Anyway it's the relationship you develop with the child that counts. You can be a close relation but not be actually close and vice versa.

[OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias]

Of course she's your real niece, and of course you are her real auntie! How silly of your MIL. Congratulations on your new family member.

[Popskipiekin]

You're her real aunt. Your MIL is a real bitch. Agree you should get a card saying "welcome to the world little niece" or something similar.

[Mrsemcgregor]

Thanks guys, I am feeling better that I am not going to be seen as some loony lady trying to collect people's children as my nieces!

I will just ignore.

In my family being an auntie is a really special thing, and I am called auntie bunny cousins children too and my children call my cousins auntie. It's a term of endearment to female adult relatives and I love it. I love spoiling my nieces (possibly because I only have sons and wouldn't get to buy the pretty stuff otherwise!)

[Mrsemcgregor]

Not auntie bunny!!! Auntie TO MY. Though auntie bunny is cool.

[Minty82]

That's awful! Why on earth would she want to make you feel like an outsider in the family like that?! You'd think she'd be delighted to see you taking the relationship seriously.
I occasionally feel vaguely guilty that I possibly don't love my nephews on DH's side with the same flesh and blood intensity that I can see my siblings feel for my DC, but I do love them very much and am absolutely their real aunt! What a horrible, alienating thing to say.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

I don't consider my husbands nieces/nephews to be mine and he doesn't with mine either. I treat them the same, but them gifts etc but they aren't my niece/nephew so I think she is right but she was rude to say it like she did

[Minty82]

How exciting, anyway - hope all goes smoothly for your SiL.

[sum1killthepawpatrollers]

id just ignore her, of course shes your real niece.
BUT remember her comment for future use....dil, could you do this for me... sorry no i cant, i would for real family but youre not, only by marriage.
dil i dont think this colour scheme goes/job is any good/nice place for a holiday and so on.... sorry, i only take the opinions of real family on board

[plimsolls]

It was a mean thing for her to say.

I don't distinguish between my aunties/uncles by blood or by marriage at all.

I think there is a difference that you are part of the family already before she is born. I had a friend who got married and suddenly started referring to her husband's family members as her own "this is my 12 year old niece from Liverpool" etc which I thought was a bit weird although perhaps technically correct. Mind you, she was an attention seeking nightmare and I think was just constantly trying to draw attention to the fact she had got married as if it wasn't all we'd heard for months

Anyway....where was I? Oh yes, your MIL is BU.

[Lucked]

Yes you would be a real aunt in our family.

My children receive presents from an aunt of DH's who is now divorced from his blood uncle. She is his cousins mum so still important to him.

[TheProblemOfSusan]

Of course she's your niece, how exciting!

My husband was a bit "oh, weird, so I have a niece too, it's she really my niece?" when my sister had her baby, but mostly because he hasn't thought about it and we'd not been married all that long. But she's his niece, that's how it works.

Oddly, I still think of awful abusive married in lady as being my aunt but not my blood related uncle's perfectly fine new wife - probably simply because I grew up with the first one and have only met the second a few times.

[Mrsemcgregor]

nocabbage this is my first not blood related niece/nephew so I can't tell how I will feel about her. I know I am very excited about her birth, just as much as with my db children. But I guess time will tell how much blood matters. I will be very sad if that is the case though. I get the feeling mil won't help.