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To think she is my real niece?

(222 Posts)
Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 16:42:46

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

Soubriquet Wed 25-Jan-17 16:43:42


She's your niece by marriage and therefore your "real" niece

dalmatianmad Wed 25-Jan-17 16:45:05

Your mil is a twat, ignore....

Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 16:46:18

Thank you, I remember as a child thinking my mums brothers wife was as much my aunt as my mums sister. The marriage thing never even occurred to me. I loved them all just as much.

Crumbs1 Wed 25-Jan-17 16:46:56

You are a real aunt.

CoraPirbright Wed 25-Jan-17 16:47:27

Hmmm is your MIL usually a bitch?

Laralouie Wed 25-Jan-17 16:49:20

Yanbu of course she's your real niece.

Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 16:49:45

cora no, that's the weird thing. I don't usually feel pushed out but now her DD is giving her a grandchild (and a girl at that, we have 2 DS) she seems to be less keen on us.

Welshgirl40 Wed 25-Jan-17 16:50:07

Bloody weird thing to say. confused

Welshgirl40 Wed 25-Jan-17 16:51:51

Precious first grand daughter? She's mine.... mad cackle.... all mine....

Wtfdoipick Wed 25-Jan-17 16:52:21

She is right up to a point. I consider my uncle's wife my aunt but she isn't the wife he was married to when I was born. If you do ever divorce technically you will no longer be related. Still not nice to come out and say it though.

Chloe84 Wed 25-Jan-17 16:53:44

Get a big card card saying 'on the birth of my niece' or similar. That'll annoy her.

FairyAnn Wed 25-Jan-17 16:54:10

YANBU. I hate this sort of thinking. I have a cousin whom I am very close to, as close as sisters, and I refer to her children as my nieces and nephews.

A few naysayers have trotted out that 'they're not really though" line and I tell them to stuff off quite frankly.

For me, terms like Aunt and Uncle are a sign of respect as well a blood relation. I used to call my older cousins Uncle and Aunt because it felt rude to call them just by their first names.

Beside, this child is your niece by marriage so your MIL is talking out of her bum!

dowhatnow Wed 25-Jan-17 16:54:42

Well that's you told about how she really views you...

Anyway it's the relationship you develop with the child that counts. You can be a close relation but not be actually close and vice versa.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias Wed 25-Jan-17 16:56:54

Of course she's your real niece, and of course you are her real auntie! How silly of your MIL. Congratulations on your new family member.

Popskipiekin Wed 25-Jan-17 16:59:53

You're her real aunt. Your MIL is a real bitch. grin Agree you should get a card saying "welcome to the world little niece" or something similar.

Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 17:00:32

Thanks guys, I am feeling better that I am not going to be seen as some loony lady trying to collect people's children as my nieces!

I will just ignore.

In my family being an auntie is a really special thing, and I am called auntie bunny cousins children too and my children call my cousins auntie. It's a term of endearment to female adult relatives and I love it. I love spoiling my nieces (possibly because I only have sons and wouldn't get to buy the pretty stuff otherwise!)

Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 17:01:06

Not auntie bunny!!! Auntie TO MY. Though auntie bunny is cool.

Minty82 Wed 25-Jan-17 17:02:12

That's awful! Why on earth would she want to make you feel like an outsider in the family like that?! You'd think she'd be delighted to see you taking the relationship seriously.
I occasionally feel vaguely guilty that I possibly don't love my nephews on DH's side with the same flesh and blood intensity that I can see my siblings feel for my DC, but I do love them very much and am absolutely their real aunt! What a horrible, alienating thing to say.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 25-Jan-17 17:02:40

I don't consider my husbands nieces/nephews to be mine and he doesn't with mine either. I treat them the same, but them gifts etc but they aren't my niece/nephew so I think she is right but she was rude to say it like she did

Minty82 Wed 25-Jan-17 17:04:01

How exciting, anyway - hope all goes smoothly for your SiL.

sum1killthepawpatrollers Wed 25-Jan-17 17:04:32

id just ignore her, of course shes your real niece.
BUT remember her comment for future use....dil, could you do this for me... sorry no i cant, i would for real family but youre not, only by marriage.
dil i dont think this colour scheme goes/job is any good/nice place for a holiday and so on.... sorry, i only take the opinions of real family on board

plimsolls Wed 25-Jan-17 17:04:34

It was a mean thing for her to say.

I don't distinguish between my aunties/uncles by blood or by marriage at all.

I think there is a difference that you are part of the family already before she is born. I had a friend who got married and suddenly started referring to her husband's family members as her own "this is my 12 year old niece from Liverpool" etc which I thought was a bit weird although perhaps technically correct. Mind you, she was an attention seeking nightmare and I think was just constantly trying to draw attention to the fact she had got married as if it wasn't all we'd heard for months

Anyway....where was I? Oh yes, your MIL is BU.

Lucked Wed 25-Jan-17 17:05:33

Yes you would be a real aunt in our family.

My children receive presents from an aunt of DH's who is now divorced from his blood uncle. She is his cousins mum so still important to him.

TheProblemOfSusan Wed 25-Jan-17 17:05:45

Of course she's your niece, how exciting!

My husband was a bit "oh, weird, so I have a niece too, it's she really my niece?" when my sister had her baby, but mostly because he hasn't thought about it and we'd not been married all that long. But she's his niece, that's how it works.

Oddly, I still think of awful abusive married in lady as being my aunt but not my blood related uncle's perfectly fine new wife - probably simply because I grew up with the first one and have only met the second a few times.

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