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Any suggestions to help me deal with dislike of woman at work please.....

(20 Posts)
NotTheMrMenAgain Wed 25-Jan-17 13:20:53

Hello all. I work in open plan office and a woman has recently joined my team. She seems nice and chatty and sits behind me - so I can't avoid overhearing her conversations.

The problem is with me, IABVU because I seem to have taken a dislike to her without even knowing her.

It's come as a bit of a shock because generally I can rub along with most people okay and don't usually have strong unfriendly feelings to people at work.

I think it might be the tone of her voice, and the way she seems to constantly give people unrequested advice. Any comment or conversation, regardless of the topic, seems to become her telling people what they need to do re: their children, holiday, relationship etc.

I think she's quite knowledgeable in our area of work, but it seems to me like she thinks she's knowledgeable about everything and it's pretty annoying (and her condescending tone grates on me).

I don't want to seem unfriendly, I'm sure she's lovely - should I force myself to be chatty or just burrow further into my shell as a method of self-defence?

Horsemad Wed 25-Jan-17 13:26:14

Burrow, burrow, burrow!!

80schild Wed 25-Jan-17 13:27:04

You don't have to be friends with her but it would be fair to try and give her a chance. Why don't you just make an effort for and chat to her for a few minutes?

LucklessMonster Wed 25-Jan-17 13:27:12

In my experience when someone grates on you like that, it won't get better. Any chance you can move desks?

WorraLiberty Wed 25-Jan-17 13:27:16

I suppose you could do either or both really.

Does she really bother you that much?

I would have thought it's all part of working with other people.

fassbendersmistress Wed 25-Jan-17 13:30:05

SHe sounds like a relative of mine. An expert on everything. It drives me bonkers but I just tune out now and she can be talking for hours with me just nodding occasionally, but actually planning my next holiday/dinner in my head. Just be as civil and engaged as you need to be for work purposes, but otherwise, find a way to mentally block her out/switch off.

Sciurus83 Wed 25-Jan-17 13:31:17

I can be quite an irritable person. Most people annoy me on some level. In fact many of the people I like most in the world annoyed me, sometimes it's you, and you need to suckling it up and see the good sides. Some people are genuinely awful though. Are you generally an irritable person? Give her a chance and see

Sciurus83 Wed 25-Jan-17 13:31:41

*suck it up!

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 25-Jan-17 13:33:53

Watch out, OP.

The last person to feel this way about a colleague on MN belatedly realised she was a lesbian only when colleague left the organisation.

After a whirlwind three month courtship, she popped back to MN at Xmas to say they are now engaged.

As you were. smile

heron98 Wed 25-Jan-17 14:20:55

I have this with someone who is supposed to be my friend blush

She is a lovely person generally and we get on well but I still find her secretly very annoying and have hidden her on Facebook because seeing her posts makes me irritated.

I feel quite ashamed about this and would never breathe a word to anyone. I can't work out WHY I feel like this, but I do.

She's a big part of my social group and we go away on holiday as a group every year but even after all this time the feeling just won't go away.

xStefx Wed 25-Jan-17 14:24:18

I have some advice. It worked for me. If I don't like someone and its not for a specifically bad reason I make an effort to get to know them and make a purposeful effort to find out something I like about them.

I started work at a really clicky place last year, actually the place ruined my confidence the woman who worked there were so horrible to everyone who didn't fit the bill. There was one girl that joined with me who I found bossy and highly opinionated, I didn't like her and she didn't like me. When I had to leave because I was basically fired for having an ectopic pregnancy (seriously) this girl was the only girl who txt me to ask how I was. I was shocked. Not sure if this helps or im just rambling :-)

VeryBitchyRestingFace Wed 25-Jan-17 14:25:38

I started work at a really clicky place last year

gringrin

xStefx Wed 25-Jan-17 14:47:44

Sorry Verybitchy were you meant to write more then? lol

80schild Wed 25-Jan-17 14:56:27

x8stefx - I have found this before, sometimes the most annoying people superficially are actually the nicest and the most charming / pleasant people are actually the biggest shits. In fact, I tend to choose my friends nowadays based on this criteria (is this a really weird thing to do?!?)

user1483981877 Wed 25-Jan-17 15:01:14

Ooh I'm not a fan of that criteria, as I think everyone is different. Can't you give her a chance though? She could be a lot worse than just being annoying. She could be.... quiet. (I'm quiet and it always seems to annoy people wherever I work).

xStefx Wed 25-Jan-17 15:06:28

80's child- I have learnt (in my not so old age) that the fake ones are usually the nicest at first, the smiley ones who are nosey and want to get to know you so they can slag you off. There was an older woman called Kath where I worked, she came across really nice at first (amazingly friendly) I was warned by 3 people not to take her at face value but ignored it. They were right, she was a complete looney and the biggest gossip and did the most damage to our department. Ive recovered .. but learnt that the quieter, stand off ish people are usually the most genuine now. lesson learnt for the better. I now work with all men and wow there is not the teeniest piece of bitchyness at all, its lovely.

TheNaze73 Wed 25-Jan-17 15:08:37

Block her out. Just use all your EI & don't let her, interfere with your work

TheCustomaryMethod Wed 25-Jan-17 15:11:10

There was a woman whose conversations really grated on me at work a few years ago - she wasn't in my team, but sat near me - and it used to drive me mad. I'm not sure exactly why - a combination of her tone of voice and the fact her conversation was quite banal.

A few months later there was a restructure and I ended up as her line manager - I dreaded having to do one-to-ones etc. with her, but as soon as I got to know her, the irritation vanished - I found out she was a really kind, friendly hardworking person.

So it might be worth trying to get to know your colleague a bit better, as I think if you understand a person, it can make them less annoying!

LilacSpatula Wed 25-Jan-17 15:11:28

There was someone at my work like this who I actively disliked. She was really noisy, flirty and a pain in the ass in an open plan office. I've since got to know her and she's actually lovely.

If she isn't though, I've found chanting, "Her parents love her...to someone she is the most important person in the world" helps! See if it helps...?!

NotTheMrMenAgain Wed 25-Jan-17 17:16:27

So new (annoying - sorry blush) colleague sits next to an older colleague who's been on the team for donkeys years.

Newbie keeps pointing out how things are dealt with differently on our team, and how we don't follow the same processes / procedures they did on her old team - but this is because they're different types of team, handling different types of customers. Newbie isn't impressed with us, I;ve heard, and wants to 'put us right'.

Old colleague isn't taking this attitude well - they're both quite stubborn I think and it's led to disagreements.

A third colleague who sits nearby found the dynamic fairly amusing at first, but today brought in noise cancelling headphones to drown out the 'constant bickering'.

I think I might follow suit with headphones or earplugs! Thank you all for your advice.

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