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...to have violent thoughts towards this person?

(19 Posts)
Boomerwang Wed 25-Jan-17 06:34:49

I'm struggling with this one, as this person hasn't done anything to me, but to loved ones, so it's not really my business but I feel so angry on their behalf.

Some months ago my BIL (I'm not actually married but it's the same setup) had money stolen from his house. Specifically a large amount of money which was divided between the piggy banks of his two daughters was missing. There had only been one person around whom it could have been. A woman visits now and then with her two kids to play with his daughters. She'd been outside with them and SIL and asked to use SIL's bathroom so SIL gave her the key.

Time has passed and now money has gone missing from SIL's wallet and from some place inside the house. Same woman after all this time was in the house around the time it was taken.

At first I was aghast they'd let her back in, since we'd all suspected her but didn't say anything as there was no proof. BIL said it wasn't fair on the kids to stop them seeing each other. I did point out there was no need for them to all be indoors but I suppose he feels a bit of a fool as well for letting it happen again so I didn't say more.

This woman always has the most expensive buggy and clothes for her kids, yet does not work. I say the most expensive buggy like she has several, because she does. She said she liked to sell off a buggy after a couple of weeks and get a new one because she 'gets bored' with the same one... Who says that? Nobody does that!

I haven't approached her as it's not my business, but I know when I see her I am not going to be able to walk by without saying something. And that will lead to something else, and then something else until I finally goad her into attacking me and then I'll feel justified in attacking back... ahh who knows if that'll really happen and if there were kids around there's no way I'd let it, but the shouting and finger pointing would definitely happen.

Look I'm talking rubbish but it's really winding me up that she got them twice because they gave her another chance for the sake of her kids having someone to play with.

TanteRose Wed 25-Jan-17 06:42:19

its not your business, Boomerwang - just don't engage.
I can see how infuriating it might be, but not worth goading someone into attacking you! that is mad confused

If your BIL and family want to sort this, let them contact the police.

Step back from and BREATHE! flowers

KateDaniels2 Wed 25-Jan-17 06:50:47

This is non of your business. Let you bil and sil deal with it how they want to deal with it.

I am sorry but hoping you can goad someone into attacking you so you are justified in attacking them is quite sinister. It could also backfire massivly.

For 10 years i have spent 6 hours a week fighting. I am a kickboxer and bloody good at it. I have been attacked twice and come out of it ok. I am quite handy and can easily defend myself. I wouldnt purposely privoke anyone to violence, even if i am sure i can come out of it unscathed.

You need to figure out why you are having this reaction. People you know will aleays have bad stuff happen. Thats life. Your reaction isnt proportionate.

Mindtrope Wed 25-Jan-17 06:56:00

You sound a little unhinged OP.

Boomerwang Wed 25-Jan-17 06:58:31

I don't feel like this often. In fact, rarely. I guess it's because it's happened to family and I feel frustrated at their stupidity in leaving money in obviously easy access (since the family were home when she did it) and that she had the brass neck not only to come into their house again but to steal under their noses.

The only other time I feel this kind of rage is when my daughter is threatened in some way.

Mindtrope Wed 25-Jan-17 07:03:08

But they are not your family.

This is none of your business.

Wanting to start a brawl with someone in the street is weird.

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Wed 25-Jan-17 07:03:43

So this woman asked to use the toilet and in that time managed to find and empty 2 piggy banks? Are you sure??! I'd have to be extremely sure before I provoked someone or accused them.

KateDaniels2 Wed 25-Jan-17 07:07:17

blue makes an excellent point. Therr is a chance its not even her. She went to the toilet and had a good hunt round for money and no one wondered where she was all that time?

They are adults. They can and should deal with this themselves. They dont need you to intervene. Nor do they need you making this worse. Which you will do.

Also you cant get into fights because your child has been hurt either. These thoughts are quite worrying tbh.

Strongmummy Wed 25-Jan-17 08:32:50

It natural to feel angry and to play out "what if" situations in your head. As long as they just stay in your head!!! It really isn't your business to get involved, especially so violently. No one would thank you.

SpongebobRoundPants Wed 25-Jan-17 08:46:53

Mind I don't think there was any need for that comment.

redexpat Wed 25-Jan-17 09:05:05

Think those thoughts. Then keep them to yourself and never act on them.

PoisonousSmurf Wed 25-Jan-17 09:06:56

Not your money. Not your problem. Maybe suggest that they hide their money boxes better, or put them in a locked room?

Boomerwang Fri 27-Jan-17 06:59:33

Thanks for your replies. No, I don't want to start a brawl. They look ugly. I guess it's just the heightened feelings I have towards her. She was able to take the money easily the first time round as the flat was empty. She'd taken the keys from SIL whilst they were both outside with the kids and BIL wasn't home. It had to have been her as nobody else had been in the flat. Same story the second time, and there'd been a long time between both thefts where she'd not been round even once.

How could she steal from children?

Anyway, I've decided it'd be best just to blank her as it's highly likely there will be children around.

SingingInTheRainstorm Fri 27-Jan-17 15:16:09

Are you insane?

You want a woman to attack you, so you can attack back. That's just as crazy as this persons pushchair habit, plus suspected behaviour towards friends, allegedly stealing from them.
You're both going to get into trouble, it's not something her DC should have to witness. Whilst you feel annoyed at BIL/SIL issue, it's their issue to deal with as they choose. Maybe a stint on Jeremy Kyle grin with a lie detector.
Please do not go ahead with this, it's insane, you'll have aggravated the attack, I don't understand why you want to get attacked or attack back.
Violence doesn't solve anything, I'm sure the last thing you want is a police record. Do you have MH issues as this really isn't normal and I think you need help. Have you attacked people in the past?

SingingInTheRainstorm Fri 27-Jan-17 15:19:35

Read through it all again, I think you need to get anger management, if anything happens with your DD it'll never be justifiable to attack another person.
I'm just hmm

DeathStare Fri 27-Jan-17 15:22:58

She said she liked to sell off a buggy after a couple of weeks and get a new one because she 'gets bored' with the same one... Who says that? Nobody does that!

Actually I have a number of friends who did exactly this.

Bluntness100 Fri 27-Jan-17 15:27:12

I wouldn't assume this was her either. She may just be a convenient scape goat someone is using to cover up their actions. And as such you can't accuse her, never mind physically assault her. What are you, a ten year old boy?

PoundingTheStreets Fri 27-Jan-17 15:45:21

I'd be very, very careful if I were you. You really don't know what's going on here.

I am somewhat suspicious that your ILs have allowed this woman to go back into the house, unaccompanied, after the first theft. Few people would have the brass neck to say "I don't trust you in my house so I'm going to accompany you to the toilet" but most people would find an excuse to go back into the house and hang around on some pretext or another. The inertia and lack of anger afterwards is also strange.

For all you know SIL isn't a secret gambler or that ILs have debts you don't know about.

Ultimately, it's their money, their lives, and their choice of how to react. If you wade into others' lives only in possession of half the facts, things have a habit of spiralling out of control.

Boomerwang Sun 29-Jan-17 07:42:00

Thanks for the replies. I know I sounded unhinged. I've calmed down a bit and as you all suggest, I'll just leave it up to them. I guess I was even more angry because SIL and both of the kids have learning disabilities and I really felt this woman was exploiting that knowing that SIL would rather have a friend than an enemy.

I shall leave well alone.

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