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About ex's contact with 19 month old?

(6 Posts)
PurpleOneWithTheNutIn Tue 24-Jan-17 20:54:23

I know I might be told I am being unreasonable and that's fine, I just want to get an idea of whether I am being u or not as ex has said I am.

Split up with exp just before Christmas and we have a 19 month old. I also have two teens who are not ex's.

We agreed to every other weekend and some nights each week where ex picks up our dc from nursery and drops off at mine later. Dc on these nights has been very difficult to settle as wasn't getting home till about 7 (sometimes slightly earlier, sometimes slightly later) and I had to sleep on dc's floor next to cot on several nights so dc could touch me/hold hands in the night. Won't co sleep. I asked that ex bring dc back at 5.30 to give time to settle at home and have been told this is unreasonable as ex doesn't finish work till 4.30 some days (rare, usually picks up between 4 and half past). We've tried other drop off times but even 6pm results in a difficult night for dc.

I would actually like it if dc would stay longer with him on a couple of evenings a week as I could get housework done and also assignments for my degree, but it's not working at the moment and I can't carry on sleeping on the floor!

Am I being unreasonable to say that the evening contact is too unsettling at the moment and has to be shortened until dc is older and able to understand it's straight to bed when dropped at home? I'm trying to be as flexible as possible as I want dc to be happy and for the arrangements to be suitable for us all.

I'm thinking of getting legal advice as ex is just being arsey with me now and I can see it escalating. Communication was a problem in our relationship and things were a constant battle. I just want dc to be settled and have no wish whatsoever to prevent them having a great relationship. Please help.

Allthewaves Tue 24-Jan-17 21:21:49

Can he not sleep as ex house and he takes him to daycare next morning

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn Tue 24-Jan-17 21:31:59

I've offered that, and he leaves too early for work so would have to drop dc here first. I've agreed to this.

How many times a week is usual? Does it depend on circumstances or is there a certain amount?

BarbarianMum Tue 24-Jan-17 22:04:11

If it were to go to court he would probably be offered every other weekend plus one evening in the week (if not immediately then building up to that).

All I'd say is that it hasn't been long since you split up. In your situation I'd think about perservering with the current arrangement for a while longer in the hope he'll settle. Maybe move a mattress onto his bedroom floor for when you need to sleep there.

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn Tue 24-Jan-17 22:17:36

Thanks for your replies. It is very early days and I'm hopeful these are just teething problems so to speak.

I don't have a mattress or anywhere to store a spare one, otherwise that would be a good idea! I wish he'd sleep in my bed but he won't.

Thanks for the idea of how it might go in court. I don't want it to come to that, it shouldn't need to, but it's hard to pin ex down to a routine which is what dc needs. Nursery have commented on a change in his behaviour and it's hard to know whether it's a result of routine changing or just age.

PurpleOneWithTheNutIn Tue 24-Jan-17 22:21:30

Looks like I might be being a bit unreasonable? I may well be reacting to ex's approach to me, he is confrontational rather than ready to discuss things and I am still feeling like I've failed my kids again with another relationship breakdown.

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