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To be upset DP is going out?

(118 Posts)
Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 19:45:59

So DS is 3 weeks today, I had a very traumatic labor and I am struggling with breastfeeding and I scored "quite high" pn the PND test so being referred to GP on Thursday. I also think I have mastities and need to see if I can see someone tomorrow.
Needless to say baby doesn't sleep the night and am feeding every 1-2 hours.
DP's friends are going on a curry night and we justbhad a row as DP said he is going and I said I am terrified of being on my own. He is now acting as if I am unreasonable and I feel awful.
I must say he has been the perfect partner, keeping the house running, cooking and looking after DD who is 7. So he does deserve time off. But I think its too early and I can't face a night on my own.
Now he is angry and I am heartbroken.

PollytheDolly Tue 24-Jan-17 19:47:55

I'd let him go. Let him have a night off, you will be fine. You come on here and spend the evening with us instead grinbrewcake

MWM Tue 24-Jan-17 19:49:52

I get it. But if he has been very supportive then he does need some time out.

Rooiboscz Tue 24-Jan-17 19:50:33

What are you "terrified" of?

Of course he should go, YABU.

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 19:51:11

I was looking forward to the weekend so he could sleep with me, he sleeps in spare room at the moment sad
But I know I should be ok

PurpleDaisies Tue 24-Jan-17 19:52:36

Has he sprung this on you tonight or has it been arranged for a while?

I can understand you dont want him to go, but I don't think he's necessarily unreasonable for wanting to go.

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 19:52:38

Of loosing it. I get very anxious at times, I am not having the best of times with the baby.

Allthewaves Tue 24-Jan-17 19:53:32

Let the chap go. He's been supporting you. You don't want him burned out

user1484317265 Tue 24-Jan-17 19:54:02

I get it. But if he has been very supportive then he does need some time out

OP isn't getting any time out, she can't just fuck off for a curry night with friends, can she?
They have a 21 day old baby, a sick mother and possible pnd. Should he fuck be going out with his mates, cop yourselves on!

OP, don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for being upset.

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 19:54:20

His friend had it arranged for a while, he mentioned it last weekend but I didn't think he'd go

Whatslovegottodo Tue 24-Jan-17 19:54:29

Unless either you would be able to go out equally (hard with a breastfeeding baby) OR you are happy he is going out then I don't think he should of gone.
His child is 3 weeks old and his wife who has gone through months of labour and now had some PND is exhausted and is breastfeeding. I think he should want to be supporting you and his children tbh but I know this view is unpopular here, bizarrely.
flowers OP.

SpongebobRoundPants Tue 24-Jan-17 19:54:32

like Polly said, stay here with us and we will keep you company!

squoosh Tue 24-Jan-17 19:55:36


I get he wants a night out but he should wait a few weeks when you'll hopefully be on a more even keel. Maybe comprmise and see if he can come home early? Sorry you're feeling so rubbish flowers

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 19:56:23

Thanks for replies. Taking it on board

Rainbowqueeen Tue 24-Jan-17 19:57:38

I'd be ok with him going if I had a few days notice and a plan of when I was going to get time out!

BUT I am not flagged for PND. Is there anyone who can come round for the evening to help you? How far away will he be? Would he agree to come home at a moments notice if you rang? Will he get your 7 year old organised for bed before he goes and sort out tea etc for you?

Gymnopedies Tue 24-Jan-17 19:58:23


KayTee87 Tue 24-Jan-17 19:58:54

I think in the circumstances he should be staying in. Some people are totally fine 3 weeks post natal and some aren't and their partners need to behave accordingly.

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 20:00:39

No one that I can think of can come. He won't be far but he'll drink so he will be no use if I need him.
He may drink a bit (he does this not often as a way of letting steam out) so he will be no help even when he comes back.

CripsSandwiches Tue 24-Jan-17 20:01:12

I can totally understand the way you feel. I would be very surprised if you get a night out in the next month. Sometimes it seems men are father/husband of the year for working full time and doing housework, while the women are up all night, trying to breastfeed with horribly swollen nipples, anaemic and on call 24 hours a day yet we're somehow negligent if we need a little help.

PurpleDaisies Tue 24-Jan-17 20:02:32

Could he go but as a compromise only have a pint and come back early?

BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington Tue 24-Jan-17 20:02:34


Curry, beer, and his mates will still be there in another three weeks time. You have a lot on your plate, not unreasonable at all to ask him to postpone his night out!

Fairybella Tue 24-Jan-17 20:02:34

He should be with you I'm thinking. Sounds like you need the break not him.

Kione Tue 24-Jan-17 20:02:54

He has been less nice than usual today since I told him about the PND score. And I need his support more than ever.

kittybiscuits Tue 24-Jan-17 20:03:20

It's okay other people saying what they would do. OP doesn't feel okay with it and isn't ready. OP you have a tiny baby and your well-being should be paramount. Just tell him you are not ready for this yet. flowers

EllaHen Tue 24-Jan-17 20:04:48

PND, mastitis, a breastfeeding baby and a 7 year old. He should not be going out. Your feelings are valid Kione, don't let anyone tell you they don't.

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