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Difficult Friend

(56 Posts)
Cackleberry4 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:17:50

We have been friends for nearly twenty years. She is a high achiever where as I have only ever wanted to have a role that brought me satisfaction and personal reward, I'm not a glory or money hunter.

Over time it has become apparent that she considered us to be closer friends than I ever considered us to be, we have never been fully compatible in my eyes but she can be OK in small doses.

She has always been persistent in wanting to meet up, more frequently than I may have liked, but I go along with it. Every single time she is late, I cannot be doing with tardiness, and if were a business meeting she would be on time.

Recently I have been unwell and hospitalised, she wanted to meet up before she went on an extended overseas trip. I was given a window of opportunity and made some suggestions, she responded with can't do x, y or z. I then went into hospital and emailed explaining the situation, she emailed me back wanting to visit in hospital (I loathe hospital visitors) or to come to my home when I was discharged (when I'd be recuperating and the burden of visitors would be unbearable).

In the end we couldn't meet before she departed and I sent her an email wishing her well for her secondment and explained that I was sorry that we hadn't met up but I had been really quite unwell (5 days in hospital isn't trivial) and I had felt a little badgered by her persistence.

I have heard nothing since.

So, WIBU?

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 24-Jan-17 17:21:31

I'm not surprised you haven't heard back. I then went into hospital and emailed explaining the situation, she emailed me back wanting to visit in hospital (I loathe hospital visitors) or to come to my home when I was discharged (when I'd be recuperating and the burden of visitors would be unbearable).

OR

I tried to visit my poor sick friend in hospital or come to see her while she recuperates. She's such a good friend and I was worried. I love visitors when I'm sick and get lonely and sad otherwise.

OhSuckItUpDucky Tue 24-Jan-17 17:21:42

Blimey , that poor woman

ArialAnna Tue 24-Jan-17 17:23:34

No YWNBU, but do you care? It sounds like you don't particularly want to see her anyway, so if she's annoyed and purposefully not contacting you, then surely that's a positive outcome?

7SunshineSeven7 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:23:36

You told her you felt badgered by her persistence in wanting to visit you - she's probably staying away for a little while for fear of being told off again.

DonaldFlump Tue 24-Jan-17 17:25:05

Are you the difficult friend, or is your friend the difficult one? It's hard to tell.

GashleyCrumbTiny Tue 24-Jan-17 17:26:46

Well, you've given her a fairly strong hint and she's taken it. Job done. I don't really see what else you're looking for?

ihatethecold Tue 24-Jan-17 17:27:32

Op. that was mean of you.
Think you might have lost a friend there.

Olddear Tue 24-Jan-17 17:27:40

You didn't tell her you had felt a little badgered by her persistence did you? That's just what you're telling us, right?

mum2Bomg Tue 24-Jan-17 17:28:49

Oh, harsh with the word 'badgered'. Ouch. I would apologise but it's up to you.

Morphene Tue 24-Jan-17 17:29:37

hmm..kind of hard to imagine what the other person could have done differently TBH.

I would chalk this up as a win for the OP on the basis that she didn't like seeing the friend and now she won't....

Marigold101 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:29:42

What DonaldFlump said

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Tue 24-Jan-17 17:29:46

It really wasn't necessary to end the email on such a sour note.

I wouldn't blame her if she saw you for the "friend" you are and stayed away for good.

Bestthingever Tue 24-Jan-17 17:30:57

You sound like you don't really like her so what's the problem? She's clearly given up. I would.

Cackleberry4 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:16

I appreciate that I have made this post sound very me, me, me. There is an awful lot of background that would take a long time to go into.

She is very self centred whilst thinking she is being very giving. Her approach to friendship is much like her approach to business, formulaic and very much on her terms.

I feel like a bit of a cow but have been worn down by HER me, me, me attitude overtime and her lack of understanding of others.

OhSuckItUpDucky Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:24

Reverse ???

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Tue 24-Jan-17 17:32:55

Do you honestly think she is the difficult one? hmm

Reality16 Tue 24-Jan-17 17:33:09

She will probably read your email and feel relived you have essentially ended the friendship. You are certainly not someone I would make any effort for.

DeathStare Tue 24-Jan-17 17:34:41

She is very self centred whilst thinking she is being very giving. Her approach to friendship is much like her approach to business, formulaic and very much on her terms.

Sounds like you from this post.

CinderellaFant Tue 24-Jan-17 17:34:59

She isn't the one coming across as self centred here hmm

MadHattersWineParty Tue 24-Jan-17 17:35:32

So, you're the difficult friend? Seems like everything is on your terms rather than hers.

Sorry OP but you sound quite jealous of her.

Unless.... Reverse?!!

I loathe reverse threads.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 24-Jan-17 17:35:46

By the sounds of it, you don't want her in your life, so if you don't hear from her, its a bonus right! That's what you want.

SianiMoomin Tue 24-Jan-17 17:37:07

Ouch!

Clearly you can't stand her. I hope the poor woman finally takes the hint and doesn't contact you again!

EatSpamAmandaLamb Tue 24-Jan-17 17:37:15

I don't think not wanting visitors whilst in hospital is difficult at all. I feel like I have to be very "on" to have visitors and certainly couldn't enterain the idea of them at my hospital bed (unless very close family) or in my home whilst recuperating.

harderandharder2breathe Tue 24-Jan-17 17:38:29

I think you're the difficult one here hmm

She's better to cut her losses and ditch you

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