Raising a child in England being from abroad

[Octuscactus]

Well I've been living in a England for some years and my daughter just turned 12.

I'm trying to use the common sense but I'm fiding a little hard to raise my daughter to the standards I was raised.

So mothers from abroad, what's the main difference or the most difficult part for you to raise your children in England?
For me is the amount of freedom/choice you give to a young kid even if it is related to sex (pornography and sexting), or drugs.

Please let me know your thoughts I would love to hear from "protective" mothers

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Do you think British mothers allow and condone drug and pornography use by 12 year olds?

[CornChips]

I think it depends where you are from originally.

My mother is Australian, we were raised here. She often found it difficult to understand that the levels of freedom she had growing up in Country Australia in the 50's and 60's were a little bit different from what we had to face grpwing up in London in the 80s.

Different times. Different places.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

DD and ds have lots of freedom it certainly doesn't equal pornography and drugs

[mummytime]

Raising my children now in the UK is very different from when I was raised.
But the most surprising thing to realise is just how different it is for them compared to their cousins who are 7-15 years older.

[CornChips]

And yes, 'freedom' does not equal porn and drugs.

[LiveLifeWithPassion]

I think you might find that sexting and easy access to pornography isn't just limited to England.
It probably goes on in the country you were from.

[SomethingBorrowed]

It annoys me how parents allow their young children leave the table at restaurants, cafes.
The teens (and adults) not wearing enough clothes when it is freezing, just put a scarf on! Oh and teeny tiny skirts.
Constant snacking.

All of these only annoy me because I don't want my DC to do it and it makes it harder when they see everybody else doing it.

[Oliversmumsarmy]

are you sure that your 12 year old is having sex and is tempted by drugs or is that your take on it and your 12 year old is just experimenting with fashion.

[fishonabicycle]

Sorry. Porn and drugs all the way here.

[Blinkyblink]

Have you ever been a mother in your home country?

[BreezyThursday]

OP, can you be a bit more specific? e.g. do you mean sex education here is not what you received (or, more accurately, what you would receive in your country now)?
Did you grow up in a very restrictive country?

[kitXi]

Sorry OP I'm of no use. My 12 year old loves the porn and the drugs! What can you do eh... How I wish we were in a different country where those things just don't exist...

[redexpat]

Am a UK mother raising children abroad. Things I like about here:
Kids walk themselves to school at a very young age.
No assumption that every adult who talks to a child is a paedophile.
The it takes a whole village to raise a child ethos
Late start to formal learning
More relaxed approach to h&s. 7Yo cub scouts have daggers.
Less snobbery about jobs education and training.
Kids parties are much more low key.

Dislike:
The casual sexism
Being expected to take temp from their arse.
Whilst I like thT they are not as hung up on grades I think that a lot of children coast and dont achieve their potential.
Total lack of music and art in schools.

But as a pp said I think it rather depends on where and when you are from and what circles you move in.

[PatriciaHolm]

"Abroad" is a big place! Attitudes will differ widely on a lot of things depending on where you come from.

That said, pretty sure no-one in the UK is happily letting their child have free rein on the porno and sexting at 12.

[redexpat]

I was being deliberately vague!

[Bestthingever]

Erm I certainly don't allow or condone the use of pornography or drugs by my teenagers. Fwiw my dh comes from a Muslim country and the freedom given to teenagers among friends and family there astounds me. His friends there apparently told him they couldn't believe how many restrictions he had in terms of curfew, allowance etc. I was doing my head in during the summer holidays as my ds (16) wanted to stay out til 2 and 3am with cousins and friends. Middle class teenagers there definitely watch porn and indulge in drugs, perhaps not as much as here, but they do.

[Octuscactus]

Yes, I received sexual education and I raised my son in a different country until we moved here due to husband job reallocation.

I'm not saying that everybody takes drugs or is into porn but I've been talking too a lot of mothers and they seem quite relaxed about their kids carrying their phones to bed late at night. Some of them don't even check their history as a child should have "privacy" or when they find porn they say it's curiosity and they'll learn anyway.

Now my daughter came with this idea of having very short skirts just like their friend in order to empower herself.

Other day her class needed to write about their favourite artist and I'm surprised how Nikki Minaj butt naked was posted in the school wall several times.

I'm reading all your opinions and those who are being ironic and rude should get over the fact that not everybody needs to agree with you

[Bestthingever]

I just re-read your Op and noticed you said you wanted to hear from 'protective' parents. Most parents are protective and want the best for their dcs ffs. Of course there are some lazy and irresponsible parents but that's not limited to the UK. I find your tone very sneery.

[ZombieApocalips]

Your home country is probably similar these days. Teens owning smartphones will inevitably lead to some looking for porn. No Internet filter will stop 100% of porn.
Increased social media availability will lead to more experimentation with taking selfies. Some will be too sexy but that's because the media publish stuff like Kim Kardashian's latest naked pic which makes people increasingly desensitised to nudity.

[ZombieApocalips]

You know that you can surf privately and leave no history right?
If kids see an image on Snapchat or on someone else's phone then you won't know about it.

[RubyWinterstorm]

I know what you mean, but I am coming at it from a different angle.

I am from a culture that is a fair bit more liberal than the UK, and I sometimes struggle with the English way of discipline (a bit authoritarian, a bit formal, punishments etc)when my natural (cultural) inclination is to give my kids lots of freedom and responsibility and treating teenagers pretty much as you would adults.

I find that living here, It is best to be open minded about the English approach and trying to fit in, whilst retaining a few of my own cultural attitudes I find non-negotiable (ie talk openly about sex, drugs, porn, etc, and am not big on "punishments", natural consequences yes, but I don't do grounding or canceling Christmas or that sort of thing)

Any guesses where I am from btw

[LIZS]

Hmm I can't relate to your description of your dd's peer group and parental attitudes so definitely not a general culture. Yes some of dd's friends roll up school skirts, wear makeup and there has been the odd instance of sexting on her year group ( zero tolerance btw). However we also spent time in a well respected country with its own share of teen issues, open acceptance of prostitution , racism, sexism ... Perhaps you have a naive view of what your dd's upbringing elsewhere might have been.

[Octuscactus]

I know thy ZombieApocalips but this doesn't mean that I'm not watching over her and doing my best. I just don't give up like most mothers

[Octuscactus]

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/12194857/Lad-culture-How-British-teenage-girls-outdo-boys-for-sex-and-drunkenness.html

Yeah I see what the majority of people are talking about. No way I would find this acceptable.

[corythatwas]

You do know that it's possible to use a phone for other purposes than porn, even in your bedroom late at night, right? Or indeed that it's possible to access porn in the living room halfway through the afternoon?

I certainly do not want my dc to be into either drugs or porn, but I want them to understand why this is problematic. And I do want their safety to be based on an element of trust. Probably because that is how my foreign parents raised me and they were right to trust me. I have never seen any reason to believe I am not equally right to trust my dc.