I'm from a big family (5 siblings). When I was a child (not in the UK) we lived in a big house with a garden. We had lots of pets, including, at one point, 7 dogs, 2 turtles and 2 geese. They seemed like quite happy animals and were well fed, well looked after, with lots of room to run and play, etc.
Then lots of things happened, my grandmother got ill and bed bound and came to live with us to be cared for full time; my dad had cancer (he had an operation and chemo; he recovered and was well for another 7 years after, but it was still a tough time). Both my parents worked full time, and dad also had a long commute (obviously stopped working for a while when he was ill but then he went back to work straight afterwards). We had nannies and a cook but still, I think my parents (particularly my mum) had quite busy lives.
Around that time my mum gave the 7 dogs and the 2 geese away to former work colleagues, which were people she believed loved animals and would look after them responsibly. I think we kept the turtles (they were pretty low maintenance anyway) and a puppy that my aunt had given us. About 3 or 4 years later, we moved to a rented flat in a bigger city, and the landlady said we could not have pets, so my mum gave the puppy (now a "grown up" dog) away to a work colleague who lived in a house and was said to love pets. I can't remember what happened to the turtles.
Now, 15 years later, I am living in another country with my partner and we decided to adopt two rescue kittens from a charity. This got me interested in looking after rescue animals and I see a lot of stories about abuse and neglect on Facebook groups, etc. I am now freaking out that my family gave all those pets away to people they probably didn't know very well and we had no updates on how the pets were doing. I worry that the dogs may have ended up on the streets. And the geese, honestly I don't even want to imagine. They are not the easiest animals to look after and can be quite noisy and aggressive. I worry the person who took them might have killed them.
It's been difficult to keep these worries all to myself, not remembering all that happened, and today I asked my mum on the phone what really happened to all those pets, and why she gave them away. My mum is a really lovely, kind and generous person but she does not react well to any perceived criticism, and now she is feeling sad and guilty and saying that she honestly can't remember. She got tearful and started apologising to me on the phone
After that I remembered all that background that I included above - that we had serious family illness, etc. around that time - and wondered whether it may have been that. Also, at that time (early to mid-90s) looking after a pet was a completely different thing to what it is today, at least in my country. Neutering wasn't widely done at all - in fact most people used to think it was cruelty - and many dogs had their tails cut for "aesthetic" reasons
I really want to let go of that guilt and think that our family gave those pets a very good life while we had them, and my mum had to give them away in good faith, believing they would be looked after well, because she had a lot on her plate. But seeing all the animal abuse out there makes that really difficult and hard to let go
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AIBU?
AIBU to feel terribly guilty about previous pets
7 replies
Mcmcmcmc · 23/01/2017 23:56
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