to be upset at being left out?(12 Posts)
I sound about 12 I know but I'm feeling fragile at being left out...
I have what I thought was a very close friend....we meet up frequently as families and have dinner, the kids play together, we confide in each other. I frequently help her with her kids etc, people locally know we are friends and our kids play together.
she is also friends with a group of women who I am not friends with, and they actively dislike me after a minor falling out some months ago. we don't discuss it - its a case of hey ho, no biggie.
she was pg, and had the babe last week, while in hospital a distant mutual friend came to mine for a coffee, and asked how my friends baby shower was. I had to reply that actually I didn't know anything about the baby shower and hadn't been invited. mutual friend was mortified and apologetic for mentioning it, she naturally assumed I would have been there as other mutual friends were and she had heard about it on the grapevine.....
I am left feeling very upset that I wasn't invited to the baby shower - and am torn thinking:
oh buck up you're being silly
the friends who dislike me must have organised it and therefore did not invite me (I'm ok with this - but still gutted my friend did not tell me)
maybe it was a surprise - but even so tell me afterwards...
friend has just had a baby and i can't upset her by saying anything
i have to say something....its been a very tearful few days for me, and now friend keeps texting wanting me to visit etc.
aibu to be upset at being left out, or would expect a close friend to mention a baby shower?
It's not your friend's fault. It sounds like she was trying to protect your feelings.
You were never going to get an invite if the others organised it.
I expect she just didn't want to rub it in.
Go and visit her and don't pay it any more thought.
I'm guessing the group who don't like you organised it and tney didn't consider who your friend would want there, but filled it with who they wanted there.
I had something similar. I fell out with a group but still on good terms with a few of them. One, that I'm on good terms with, was pregnant, had a baby shower, she knew about it, and I wasn't invited. I was pissed off because it was allowed to be dictated by the bitches that I fell out with (and one was a cow to me for no real reason).
I never said anything as what would be the point, it's gone and a baby shower isn't the be all and end all.
I wouldn't expect the friend to tell you about a baby shower arranged by a group that doesn't like you? What would be the point. She knows you'd be upset, why should she be the bearer of bad news. What was she supposed to say? "Oh a,b, and c are having a baby shower for x, but you're not invited, so don't worry about it"
I understand why you're upset but the only explanation that seems to make sense is that the group that don't like you organised it and your friend didn't want to hurt your feelings by mentioning it. I'm sure she wouldn't have deliberately excluded you. Go and see her and the baby and try to put it out of your mind.
YABU because you are making this about you and it's not. Your friend is having a baby. She has other friends. They had a baby shower. Not about you.
I have a friend who is freinds with others, it doesnt put me up nor down when they do stuff without me.
I can see why you wouldn't have been invited if the group who don't like you organised it but I can't imagine being close with 2 groups of friends that dislike each other. If I was your friend I'd be annoyed that you'd been left out of the baby shower. I'm loyal to my close friends and I'd have to take a side.
What was the falling out over if you don't mind me asking?
It's not about you and your friends.
Her other friends organised this.
Not a big deal
It was really petty of them and I can understand why you would be upset.
The etiquette of baby showers is that they are organized by a friend, so your friend who had the baby should have had nothing to do with the guest list and invitations. I am guessing she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, tell you about the party and order the organizer to invite you, or not mention it and hope you didn't find out.
A party with a group of women who dislike me and are petty enough to exclude someone the guest of honor would have wanted to be there sounds like my idea of Hell. Honestly you dodged a bullet although it is a nasty feeling when you have someone's dislike rubbed in your face. I doubt your friend was terribly impressed either. They just showed themselves up with this.
I can understand how you feel but really, don't say anything to your friend about this. She most likely had nothing to do with organising the shower. Go to see her and her new baby, have a lovely time and be the good friend that you are.
If you turn up and start crying and saying how left out you felt, you'll spoil that special first meeting with her as a mum to her new baby. Have you considered that this is just what the people who don't like you want to happen? Don't let their behaviour drive a wedge between you and your friend. Head high, chin up, game face on.
Your friend wants to see you. Go and see her and give her baby a gift. It is not her fault that others who dislike you did not invite you to her baby shower. She probably did not know they were going to give her one. Try to make other friends so you are not so reliant on this one.
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