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Aibu to take a written list of questions to a SENCO meeting? Will I look daft?

(24 Posts)
pelicantown Mon 23-Jan-17 16:35:31

I have a meeting at the school tomorrow to discuss my daughters social difficulties and behaviour problems. She is waiting for appointments about autism etc.

The thing is I am totally terrified I HATE talking to people, I especially hate meetings. I have lost or had to leave every job I have ever had because of this - I know pathetic (thank god I have a loving and understanding dh!).

I say stupid things just today the teacher came to talk to me and for some reason I used the word weird to describe my own child in front of both her and the teacher I mean seriously I would have slapped myself if I wasn't myself.

The annoying thing is that the meeting is to discuss social difficulties which I am 99.9% sure she gets from me. I know I need to make a list of questions because otherwise I won't ask anything I will flounder.

But is it really odd to do this I am pretty sure the school already think I am a total freak (I once squirted an entire bottle of yellow paint over a 5 year old that wasn't mine and that was just at the induction day - it's been downhill since).

So aibu to take a list and notes? Well more is this a normal human being thing to do?

DollyKoo Mon 23-Jan-17 16:36:54

In a way I preferred it as a. Senco, clear questions, clear answers, no waffle and endless meeting...

AliciaMayEmory Mon 23-Jan-17 16:37:05

I always take in a list, that way I don't come home and realise that I've forgotten to ask about or mention something. I've never even thought that it might look wierd.

Maxxiee Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:13

It's not unreasonable at all. It's a really good idea. If it makes you feel better just say to the SENCo that you didn't want to forget anything, so you jotted down some notes. You won't be the only parent to have done this- I've had lots of meetings where parents have come in with notes/ highlighters the lot! It can help a) structure the meeting and b) ensure your concerns are addressed.

Mumonthesofa Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:17

Not senco but I always take written questions for parents evening, I forget things very easily and often say silly things! It will help you feel in control as well if you are worried about saying the wrong thing.

MsGameandWatch Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:26

I have always done this and they've always thanked me and told me how grateful they are as sometimes it's so hard to pin down concerns and what the parent feels their child needs. I always write my concern, how it relates to their autism and what I feel could be done if possible. Makes things go much more smoothly.

NewYearNewNames Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:28

I think it's a very sensible thing to do and you can also then Scribble down any information they give you.
Remember they are only concerned with you in the sense of how they can help your daughter, i.e. by working together to find strategies, what they think of you is irrelevant. Although I have to ask why you were squirting paint around, that would make an amusing post in its own right?!

WantToRunAgain Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:42

Lots of parents bring lists to parent/teacher/SENCo meetings - definitely not weird, and as a teacher I find it very helpful.

Can you take a friend to? Again not something I'd bat an eyelid at and can help to have a second person listening/taking notes.

Good luck flowers

TarragonChicken Mon 23-Jan-17 16:39:43

I think you're overthinking this. It will be helpful to you, so do it. I don't think it's an unusual thing to do.

Christmasnoooooooooooo Mon 23-Jan-17 16:42:02

Very sensible.
Have you though of going the Dr's to get a diagnosis for your self.

rollonthesummer Mon 23-Jan-17 16:45:50

Very sensible!

Katy07 Mon 23-Jan-17 16:49:44

Totally take one. And maybe explain that you have similar difficulties to your daughter? That way if you're a bit 'weird' they'll understand...

pelicantown Mon 23-Jan-17 16:53:31

Ok def taking a list then grin
My gp has (gently!) suggested the possibility of a diagnosis for me - I really am incredibly bad socially (even my gp noticed and I have barely seen him). But tbh I don't see the point.

The paint incident was because as well as being socially awkward I am also physically awkward! I tried to squeeze paint out of a bottle squeezed to hard and the whole top exploded off drenching the girl across the table . I mean DRENCHING. It was awful I offered to pay for the clothes but the mum totally refused.

WorraLiberty Mon 23-Jan-17 16:53:58

I think it's a really good idea.

I always take a list of questions to the doctors/opticians/dentist/wherever. Not because I'm particularly awkward in those situations, but I've got a really crap memory and only ever remember what I forgot to ask, on the way home blush

(I once squirted an entire bottle of yellow paint over a 5 year old that wasn't mine and that was just at the induction day - it's been downhill since).

I'm a school governor and our SENCO spilled a bottle of water over an OFSTED inspector during a meeting - twice!! grin

She spilled it on his lap, jumped up to grab some tissues, tripped over the chair and spilled the rest down the back of his neck! grin

Spikeyball Mon 23-Jan-17 16:54:04

I always take a list. In fact I generally take any relevant paperwork and someone with me to make notes.

pelicantown Mon 23-Jan-17 16:54:17

I should add that I am a vaguely competent adult . I manage day to day and successful manage to look after 6 children but I'm just not graceful in any way shape or form...

Mcchickenbb41 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:42:41

Take a list of questions definatly ! I always did. Don't worry about meeting I always found them quite relaxed good luck

Mcchickenbb41 Mon 23-Jan-17 17:44:24

Also you are the one person in the room who totally knows everything about what your discussing !

voxnihili Mon 23-Jan-17 17:47:47

I'm a SENCO and would have no problem with this. If I've called the meeting I always write a list beforehand as it helps to focus the meeting and prevents me forgetting the things I wanted to bring up - it is so easy to digress.

I would appreciate you bringing me a copy of your list though so I could scribble all over it and ensure that I can address all of your points - especially if not all of them can be addressed in the meeting and I need to deal with them afterwards.

Allthewaves Mon 23-Jan-17 17:56:30

Get a file with note pad inside. Then you can put all appoinment letters, school ed psych stuff and gp stuff together. Very handy if you need to prep for a statement later.

I always go in with list question's and write answers down while in meeting. Tough meetings I try and bring extra person to take notes

toconclude Mon 23-Jan-17 20:16:04

Always took a list to SENCO meetings...We both went to Oxbridge.

You'll be doing them a favour, honestly. Keeps the meeting on point and makes it truly useful for you and your child as well as the professionals.

smartiecake Mon 23-Jan-17 20:22:11

My son has a diagnosis of autism and I have always always taken a list of questions and my concerns to meetings with school, paediatrician, occupational therapy and others. It helps me to make sure i have covered everything I want to and I think it also makes the professionals realise we are interested and we are involved and won't be fobbed off. Make a list and print it off! And take a pen and paper and take notes in the meeting and also post on the SN boards here. I did when my son was 3 and asd was first raised and I had lots of helpful advice

NewYearNewNames Mon 23-Jan-17 20:24:18

If you had posted your paint story with a title along the lines of anyone done anything more embarrassing than this, you would have a thread in classic full of similar horror stories. Don't get hung up worrying what they think of you.

Helloitsme87 Mon 23-Jan-17 20:25:19

Senco here. No not daft. Much preferred so we can answer all questions. Don't be nervous. This is all to help your child and put plans and guides in place so your child is able to fulfill their full potential

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