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To rip up DHs contact numbers and bin them because he doesn't respect my property?

(68 Posts)
Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 15:55:48

DH has this habit of not finding a scrap of paper (despite piles of post it notes - which requires him to open a drawer) and a rainforest of usable recycleable paper/ envelopes etc, and just using important documents, cards etc that belong to me.

I was sent some pretty cards from a charity I support which I always use for little notes with presents I send etc. Anyway I've just seen he has taken one and written down an email address and phone number.

I've told him about this a thousand times but he just ignores me so I've taken the card, ripped it to shreds and it's in the bottom of the bin. I will deny all knowledge.

DH is usually reasonable about most things but this really winds me up.
Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Yes. Unreasonable?

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 15:57:13

I mean he uses my documents, bank letters, cards etc to jot down phone numbers etc

sprinklesofweirdness Mon 23-Jan-17 15:57:17

Nope, that would drive me crazy.
My dad used to do it on appointment letters angry and then they used to ask, is this important? and what's that? and that's when he no longer had any of my documents

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 23-Jan-17 15:58:23

It's not petty. He has been asked, there are other options, he has chosen to use something of yours. I wouldn't deny all knowledge. I would tell him.

00100001 Mon 23-Jan-17 16:03:41

Not excusing his behaviour, but are your notes/dpcuments more "to hand" than the scrap paper?

Maybe have a reshuffle of paper work? Make sure there are pens/pads about on display? Get him to sort it out.

Put your stationery away in a box in a drawer smile

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:15:58

My stationary was in the stationery drawer. Next to the post it note pad! He had to walk the same distance to the drawer as to the box next to the phone which is full of little bits of paper for just this use.

My patience broke when he scribbled numbers over DS1s first Mother's Day card to me from nursery. Like all the glitter and stuck on jewels was bloody invisible.

He just has a blind spot.

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:16:44

I have now stuck all my cards right at the back of the drawer. It's literally what comes to his hand first.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Mon 23-Jan-17 16:20:44

I hate things like this. It's basically saying, your things and feelings are so unimportant to me I'm going to completely disregard your perfectly reasonable request and continue even if it upsets you. Because I'm a dick.

I bet he'll say he 'forgot' if you ever challenge him - despite being able to hold down a job and remember things that he feels are important hmm

YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 23-Jan-17 16:24:21

He just has a blind spot. He just doesn't give a shit. If the first piece of paper to hand was a cheque to him or his passport, would he scrawl all over them? Of course not.

Thinkingblonde Mon 23-Jan-17 16:25:03

Whiteboard. On a wall or on the fridge any good?

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:30:40

To be fair he is pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc

I think he does have an element of attention deficit disorder if the number of times he loses his keys is anything to go by, and it is literally grab the first bit of paper he can find, but I just saw red.

It's not really teaching him anything not that he's learned by being nagged but I'm a bit torn now as it was probably mean sad

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:32:14

We have a whiteboard and a hanging shopping list complete with pen in the kitchen.

I agree it shows a lack of respect because he wouldn't do this to anything he valued.

KondosSecretJunkRoom Mon 23-Jan-17 16:34:13

God, I think that your reaction was a bit over the top. How important was the contact information that you ripped up? Will he be able to get them again?

KondosSecretJunkRoom Mon 23-Jan-17 16:35:20

Although, I can see how it is annoying. I would drive me nuts too.

Back on the fence.

APlaceOnTheCouch Mon 23-Jan-17 16:36:25

YANBU DH used to do this. Then when he needed the number again, he would turn the house upside down trying to find the relevant scrap of paper. I binned all the scraps. Bought him a notebook (just for him ) and told him to use it instead of scraps. No lost numbers and no scribbles on important items. Win/win.

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:43:52

That's exactly what he does! Have you seen xyz piece of paper? And turns the house upside down.

It goes against my principles to infantilise him and buy him a notebook with a pen tied to it by string the hunt for a pen often results in 'oh, and there's a handy scrap of paper I can use but I think I will just to save my blood pressure.

reuset Mon 23-Jan-17 16:51:38

I've told him about this a thousand times but he just ignores me so I've taken the card, ripped it to shreds and it's in the bottom of the bin. I will deny all knowledge.

Thousand times, eh? I think it's a bit petty to throw away his contact number as 'punishment'. Imagine if this was reversed and he threw away your contact information because you wrote on one of his bit of paper, the emotional abuse accusations would be flying.

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 23-Jan-17 16:54:30

If the first piece of paper to hand was a cheque to him or his passport, would he scrawl all over them?

Exactly.

Its the attitude behind it that is the problem rather than the behaviour itself.

Mine = Important
Yours = Not important to me so not important at all. Its a total disregard of you and your belongings. This isnt about paper.

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 16:54:54

Reused. I wouldn't take something of his and scrawl numbers on. I respect his property. Maybe I should, but that's just getting even more petty.

It was a pretty card with a really cute jack Russel terrier on it not that it matters

SapphireStrange Mon 23-Jan-17 17:00:37

To be fair he is pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc

Whoop-de-doo. Does anyone ever describe you as 'pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc'? No? Thought not. It's just assumed, isn't it, and not commented on, that a mother does that kind of stuff.

If this happened more than once, after I'd told my DP, I'd just eyeball him and say 'Fucking stop it. Use the pad.'

He just CBA to have the tiny bit of respect for you and your stuff to stop and think.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 23-Jan-17 17:03:42

OP, have you posted about this before, quite a long time ago? It seems very familiar. Or are there just lots of total arses out there?

reuset Mon 23-Jan-17 17:10:53

In all seriousness I'd be hacked off if he'd used my cards for a number. Speak to him about it again, and buy him a huge bumper pack of the Jack Russell cards for his birthday grin

sonjadog Mon 23-Jan-17 17:15:03

It sounds really annoying, so I understand completely where you are coming from. But I would possibly also decide this wasn´t a battle worth fighting, and just move anything that was precious to me away from his reach when on the phone.

Olympiathequeen Mon 23-Jan-17 17:20:57

Not posted about this previously so maybe is commoner than I thought

Jack Russells are so cute.

It wasn't near him, Sonja, he had to go rooting around in a drawer.

It's not worth an argument as he's always done it and never taken any notice before. I think I'll just nurse my little act of nastiness to my chest and buy him a pad

shovetheholly Mon 23-Jan-17 17:21:36

Can you have The Talk? Which is where you sit him down and say "This may seem completely insignificant to you, but to me it's a big deal, and made all the more so because you've ignored me the last 999 times I've raised it." Then show him the blog post about the guy whose wife divorced him because he left plates out on the side.

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