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To have finally done it and left dh.

(161 Posts)
HannahSmithson45 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:04:01

Gone and left dh. The last have been hell, if you don't remember my previous posts, in short my stepchildren have bullied my son, my husband had booked a holiday without me and my son (later rectified). Yesterday my stepson violently punched and kicked my son. My son was punched in the face and kicked in the groin (you know where). This started over ds taking the tv show stepkids were watching off pause. I blame myself partly because I told ds last time to stick up for himself when they call him names. So ds called them names from there. I was upstairs at the time of the fight ( not really as ds never hit back). I came down and that was it I had a massive shout at the two stepchildren and left. I went straight to the police station as that is assault.

I am pregnant with dh child and I am so lost. I am not going back to that house so he can be punched and kicked physically and verbally. I made sure ds was okay as it can be serious getting a blow down there.
Dh is begging me to come back and I have said that it is me or the stepkids and that is it.

NootNoot Mon 23-Jan-17 15:07:01

Can't offer much other than bloody well done you (& a hug). xx

User090902138758934 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:08:38

Well done for leaving. I don't think it's really right to say "it's me or the kids" in any situation, as their father should put the children before his relationship. I wouldn't want to be with anyone who DID choose me over their own children as that doesn't show them to be a great person. But obviously theres no way he should be letting them be abusive etc. He should be parenting them properly. Hope your son is ok flowers

thickgit Mon 23-Jan-17 15:10:15

Put yourself and your son first, always. Stay strong and all the best.

Welshgirl40 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:11:22

I'm aware of your previous posts, and you have my sympathies. Your husband should never, ever have put any of you in that position, including his children. Permitting his biological children to act in that manner is unforgiveable. Sending you a huge, supportive hug.
Do you have anywhere to go, or are you going to ask him to leave the house?

Justanothernameonthepage Mon 23-Jan-17 15:11:32

You've done the right thing. If he keeps pushing, I would suggest is having a couple of meetings jointly with a therapist to work through the break up and plan for future joint parenting. You told him there were issues and that was his second chance.

dailymaillazyjournos Mon 23-Jan-17 15:12:43

Huge hug. It's such a bloody hard thing to do but you did it.
DH is begging you to go back. Please don't. You need time and space to just 'be' while you are still reeling.

Have you got anywhere for you and DS to stay? Is there anyone in RL who is there for you?

Hope you've had a cup of tea and something to eat. You might well be in shock. Have another hug. x

xStefx Mon 23-Jan-17 15:17:28

OMG, I think its disgusting that your DH has let it get to the point where the step kids think its ok to bully your son. He has ensured that they are allowed to make you feel like an outsider. Don't let him make excuses for his kids, he needs to be a real dad and tell them this is not acceptable behaviour. Well done OP for letting your DS know he is more important than anyone. xxx

girlelephant Mon 23-Jan-17 15:20:08

I remember your previous posts and was disgusted by the behaviour of your step-children and your DH for allowing them to behave that way.

Well done on leaving, you and your children (including Bump) deserve more. It's all one for your DH to beg you to come back but he should not have let it come to this.

Wishing you luck and sending you a hug

Costacoffeeplease Mon 23-Jan-17 15:20:55

Well done, your poor son, he has the right to feel safe in his own home

Do you have somewhere to go?

Foxysoxy01 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:23:10

You have put your son first and have done what is best for him.
You have been really strong in leaving flowers

I really hope your Husband will make some serious changes now and if not you really have done the best thing for you, your DS and new baby.

Has your husband said anything about his sons (your stepsons) behaviour?

Mulberry72 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:27:44

Your DS has to come first, and now you've put him first you must stick to it.

Your DH is horrid for allowing his children to bully your DS.

Please don't take your DS back to that toxic environment.

flowers for you & DS OP

HannahSmithson45 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:29:23

Have you got anywhere for you and DS to stay? Is there anyone in RL who is there for you?

Yes we are staying at my mothers house

AcrossthePond55 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:32:58

Unfortunately, just as you should put your DS first, so must your DH consider his children first. Not that their behaviour is in any way acceptable, but 'me or your kids' is not right.

If he is unwilling to consider family counseling and strive for more equal treatment of all the children, then your marriage is, and should be, over.

scottishdiem Mon 23-Jan-17 15:43:35

Ordinarily I'd say me or the step kids ultimatum is not a good thing but having read your other posts I can see why your husband needed to hear it. He has failed them and most importantly you and your unborn child.

HashiAsLarry Mon 23-Jan-17 15:45:07

Well done. At least your DS knows you have his back. Good luck flowers

Memoires Mon 23-Jan-17 15:45:45

Well done! I remember your last thread. So their bad behaviour has escalated. I'm so glad your son's out of there, the poor chap has a chance of being happy now. You too.

Are you OK at your mum's? Do you get on OK? Please don't go back to him.

JanuaryMoods Mon 23-Jan-17 15:47:57

I hope the stepson is prosecutd. Don't back down. Disgraceful behaviour.

Unfortunately, just as you should put your DS first, so must your DH consider his children first.

No he mustn't. They have sacrificed that right with their dreadful violent behaviour. He should put OP and his unborn child first and to hell with the others.

RogueStar01 Mon 23-Jan-17 15:49:10

well done Op, i remember your previous posts and I'm outraged your DS has been assaulted. Tell your 'D'P to fix his children, and then talk to you. He should be putting all his effort into sorting his kids out, how does he think you can bring a new baby into this awful messed up setup? You'll be understandably distracted by the new baby so if you went back, your DS would be even more vulnerable!

Baylisiana Mon 23-Jan-17 15:53:11

I wouldn't bother with an ultimatum or go back no matter what he says. If he were capable of caring for you and your dc it would never have come to this.

SeaEagleFeather Mon 23-Jan-17 15:59:57

I would not go back either. But I do think he ought to put his children first.

The responsibility for their bad behaviour lies with him. He needs to fix this. I can imagine that you are extremely angry with him.

Also - when your baby is born, I suspect there's an extremely high chance his children would mistreat the baby too. I would be very, very careful about leaving the baby with him if the children are around too.

RogueStar01 Mon 23-Jan-17 16:02:53

yes it's an unsafe environment for you, your baby AND your DS. It's all round bad, he's got furious acting out children who feel they can beat yours up and get away with it. He could beg me as much as he liked, he'd be talking to the hand.

HannahSmithson45 Mon 23-Jan-17 16:03:40

No I don't think I will get back with him and if I do it will be as a result of serious changes including therapy for his dc and us.

RogueStar01 Mon 23-Jan-17 16:04:48

that's good Hannah - why are his kids so furious? It's like they are so stressed they hate your DS. He needs to book his children into see child psychologists and forget about skiing holidays to find out why they are so cross and what he should do.

ChristmasFluff Mon 23-Jan-17 16:08:08

I am so glad you have left him, I read the other posts too. I actually think you are also quite right with the ultimatum - there is no way on this earth that your son should have to share a home, which should be a place of safety and refuge, with your step-children. However, as others have said, if your husband chooses you, it shows his lack of character. Although he's already shown that, tbh, letting them get away with their behaviour. Sadly, I think your marriage is over, and you might want to take steps to ensure that your new baby will be protected from those step-children too.

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