Hating flatmate dramas(4 Posts)
I live with 3 girls: A B and C.
We weren't v close beforehand so became friends after living together but of course there have been some teething issues. A has essentially moved her boyfriend in (which prompted some conversations between myself and other two re. how to approach this situation best, and general venting), B can sometimes be lax with cleaning and C is v dramatic and can be rude/hard work - but also nice.
We have all been discussing situations and often I have been ranted to by the others - which I feel implicates me as party to their rants/bitchiness.
I particularly get on with B and when the others have moaned about cleaning issues, I've agreed to do something about it but not ever become personal etc. Anyway things came to a head today and one flatmate snapped about B's cleaning habits/routine; B asked if there was a problem or had been discussions going on and flatmate said she had spoken to me about it (!) and we had chatted. Now we hadn't really, it was more that she ranted at me and we had agreed to do something about it. I feel quite uncomfortable about how my name was used. Flatmate C hasn't been mentioned at all in this!
B is udnerstandably upset and has asked that we all chat and try to reduce bitchy/negative vibe as this is not who any of us are. It is just us in the house atm and I want to say something to her about reconciling and how it didn't come from me/have a cuppa with her but don't know what to say without sounding bitchy or two faced! If I'm honest she is my confidante in the house and it is to her that I vent about other two as they are strong personalities and sometimes I feel ground down by them; I get that this has to stop but I find it really distressing that she thinks I have been back chatting about her now - how can I make it better?
Thinking of asking if she wants a cuppa/biscuit and just saying that I hope I haven't hurt her or jeopardised our friendship. I do really value having her as a friend and consider her a confidante and feel uncomfortable with how my name was used - I felt that in this situation I definitely did not talk about her behind her back and want to chat about it etc? I don't know
Sounds like your idea is a good one. The best thing is to be honest, try not to bitch about the others, say you don't want to jeopardise your friendship but you were in a tricky situation, and plan something fun and team-building for you all to do.
Or... move out? Sound exhausting!
Could you just explain that the other flatmate was ranting to you and you tried to smooth things over but weren't joining in the bitching. Say that you get on with her the best and see her as your friend in the house.
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