Or am I just overly sensitive and hormonal?(6 Posts)
Basically, I live with my sister for various reasons. We've lived together for just over 2 years. It's been challenging, to say the least, mostly because she's pretty lazy and I'm too eager to please. I find myself v resentful and i'm probably hormonal but I needed other opinions on it all.
Since the beginning, I've done all the cleaning. It started off with me doing it because I didn't mind but it's moved onto being something that's expected of me. I cook, I wash up, I clean, I pick up after her, I fetch and carry and some days, it feels like we only live together so that I can do things for her.
I've tried suggesting that she needs to pull her weight but it always turns into an argument and she says that she pays the rent even though I pay all bills and food, she works harder, she works more hours and if I don't want to do it then I shouldn't. It's reached a point where she does v v little and when she does do something, I'm expected to be grateful.
Recently, I've become more resentful because she has started OLD, which means that she's constantly glued to her phone and if she receives a message, she will pick her phone up mid conversation with me and start ignoring me in favour of that. It's really starting to get me down and saying anything would result in a huge argument.
I think it's about to come to a head soon due to the fact that I turned the tumble dryer off last night, because it'd had been on for over an hour for one average load of clothes, and she checked it this morning and decided it was all still wet.
So it's gone on again and been on for nearly an hour again. What a waste of electricity. I agree that it was probably petty but she has no regard for what electricity, gas for heating and food cost.
This turned into a bit of a moany rant, so apologies, I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not just being whiny and also, maybe, suggestions on how to bring all this up to her without it turning into a huge, resentful argument.
I think you need to not live together before the gripes you both have ruin your relationship.
If that's not possible I think you need a new arrangement where you split bills and rent equally, have a rota for chores and buy your own food.
The stuff with the phone and the tumble dryer is petty and never going to be solved, so if you can't move out find a way to not let that stuff bother you
Totally agree with DeathStare. Don't be petty, but be assertive and get it sorted. What's OLD?
You need to split rent and bills equally and either split your food bills or buy your own stuff and eat separately. Basically, you need to act like flatmates instead of family. If you split your outgoings evenly then it will be logical to split the chores evenly too - currently, your arrangement of her paying rent and you paying for bills means each of you can come up with reasons why the split of chores is/isn't fair. If you split things evenly there is no room for argument.
You also need to stop worrying about things like a tumble-dryer being left on longer than you would like. That is minor stuff and it happens when you live with someone else. Choose your battles.
Agree with changing so you each pay half rent and half bills, each buy your own food and have a chore rota.
Or move out
You need a bills and household expenditure spread sheet to work out how much the rent, council tax, utility bills, food etc. You then need to both put 50% into an account to pay theses bills. If she doesn't want to do the housework she needs to pay towards a cleaner or if your willing to do it she needs to pay you. Treat this like any other flat share.
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