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AIBU not speak to family member who is a trigger

(10 Posts)
GeordieShorefg Mon 23-Jan-17 09:54:34

Hi all

I hope I give enough info and genuinely looking for advice if I should feel guilty to consider this

I suffer from an anxiety disorder and spend most of my life riddled with anxiety to the literally being sick on a regular basis. Hair loss, weight loss churning stomach, migraines, panic attacks, teeth loss, I do manage this as best I can with meditation and tablets. I try and stay away from situations that cause me anxiety as best I can. I try and not pass this anxiety on to my immediate family and not make them miserable as I know this stuff feels contagious when around it .
I do work full time and is often difficult to cope so I try and keep as stress free as poss

A family member suffers a similar illness and we only speak to each other perhaps 4 times a year and every time we speak, it is a massive trigger for my own anxieties - they do not live near me

I think telephone or face to face contact is going to continue to be painful, and I am considering only corresponding via email, message etc? I feel just rotten to consider this even to be honest but after several years of this, I feel I need to make some changes or go mad

What do you all think?

DeathStare Mon 23-Jan-17 10:04:25

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Clearoutre Mon 23-Jan-17 10:58:57

Sounds good to me too - keeping communication open whilst avoiding triggers.

GeordieShorefg Mon 23-Jan-17 11:12:49

Thank you ever so much for your input.

Birdsgottafly Mon 23-Jan-17 11:18:12

I went through an extremely anxious stage during the Peri-Menopause.

I had to avoid two family members, who are negative and love to share traumatic news articles.

Likewise during times of insecurity, I've avoided talking to certain colleagues/neighbours.

Do what you need to, to stay on an even keel.

dollydaydream114 Mon 23-Jan-17 11:18:25

That sounds fine to me - you aren't being at all unreasonable.

I am prone to depression and there are times when I find it very hard to talk to people with a similar condition because it makes me feel a lot worse. Luckily they are more social media than real life contacts, so it is a bit easier for me to avoid those conversations. It's not that I don't want to be there for them, but sometimes I'm not just not in any state to be capable of offering them the support they want. When I'm well it's not a problem, but when I'm not I just can't do it.

Take care and look after yourself xx

Mehfruittea Mon 23-Jan-17 12:33:22

My DB has not spoken to me for 2 years. Over the last 25 years he has been in and out of contact. He has issues and a very difficult life. I understand. I suspect I am a trigger for him, and non-contact is helpful.

I love him and write every few weeks. I live 200+ miles away and have never visited without prior arrangements. He's changed his number and I have no other way to contact him.

It would help me to know for sure why he is refusing contact. I'd still like to help in some way and it would be good if he could set out what I could do, or in what way I act as a trigger.

Please think about a way to draw boundaries that outline how you can be more supportive to each other. If she loves you and values the relationship then she will listen.

NavyandWhite Mon 23-Jan-17 12:51:28

Yep do what you need to to help yourself. Phone call is a little more personal than email if you can manage that if not I'd just email or send a letter.

Strongmummy Mon 23-Jan-17 14:40:44

Your priority is your own mental health which directly effects your immediate family. Do what you need to do to keep healthy. FYI, I deliberately don't spend xmas with my family as it's massively triggering for me and I really don't feel guilty.

GeordieShorefg Mon 23-Jan-17 14:42:39

Thank you so much everyone. It really does help to hear that other people have been through similar

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