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To not wish him happy birthday on Facebook

(44 Posts)
Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:04:58

Jeez I am ashamed of myself that I even took the time to write this on mumsnet. But want opinions.

I met a guy at work. We got on great. Worked together for a year. Spent a lot of time
Together. It was all purely platonic. No feelings on either side. I started dating another colleague once I'd left but we have since split (remained genuine friends).

I went for a night out and at the end we just said it was nice working together and he said I was to let him
Know if I needed any help with interviews or anything when I start a new job (I probably too this too literally). 😂

So we added each other on Facebook and just did the usual liking each other's posts.

I started a new (horrendous) job and messaged him asking if he was enjoying his new job. He replied saying hi. Yeah it's alright I suppose. Do you like yours. To which i replied saying I wasn't that happy and was the team he's currently in similar to the work we did previously and what specific area it was in.

He never replied.

I thought it quite rude really as I had asked a direct question. I just took it to mean for whatever reason he was making a deliberate point that he didn't want to stay in contact so since then I've just forgotten about it.

It's his birthday today and a former colleague said I should write on his Facebook saying happy birthday as it's the birthday of two
Other people we worked with and I've written on their walls so it looks like I'm deliberately snubbing him.

I feel this is just ridiculous and over thinking. If he didn't reply to a message with a direct question, that's a clear sign he doesn't want to stay in contact. Quite an obvious one.

So I'm not going to make contact myself.

I get messages from people I don't really want to stay in contact with but always reply until the conversation comes to a natural end. Usually in an hour. It's just polite.

I've not fallen out with him at all. He's not a bad guy. Just doesn't want to stay in contact and since I messaged he hasn't liked anything on my Facebook. Maybe he thought it was me hitting on him! He's mistaken but he clearly didn't want to reply. So I'm not sure why I should initiate any.

I just messaged in what I meant to be a purely
Platonic way. I hope nothing was misconstrued.

Sorry for rambling. AIBU to not say happy birthday (And that this is ridiculous thing to even be worrying about)

SouthWindsWesterly Mon 23-Jan-17 09:07:04

Your overthinking it. There could have been a number of reasons he didn't reply. Just post on his wall and then leave the ball in his court.

theaveragewife Mon 23-Jan-17 09:08:15

Maybe he thought you were only speaking to him to try and get a job in his team?

It's weird someone would tell you what you need to write on Facebook, I would tell that one to F off.

FittonTower Mon 23-Jan-17 09:08:53

Maybe he intended to send a nice long reply, didn't have time when he first read it and just forgot? You're other thinking this one I reckon - everyone has scatty moments.

BillSykesDog Mon 23-Jan-17 09:12:05

It could genuinely have slipped his mind. The only other thing that occurred to me was that he doesn't sound like he's particularly happy either. If he's somewhere he's not happy he's probably not going to be enthusiastic about helping a friend get a job there as he doesn't want to drop them in it and take the blame. That could be the reason he avoided the question.

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:15:33

That's why I worried. I re read my reply and it seemed like I was trying to work in the same team. And he might think that's a bit stalkerish.

That was not my intention. I only meant it as I loved the work in my
Old team and wanted to find something similar. I can't drive so that rules me out of working in the exact place he does. But was wondering what other areas I could go into.

To be honest, while he could have misconstrued my message a little, it takes 30 Seconds to reply and I genuinely think he deliberately didn't reply.

He's online on Facebook chat constantly. I go on every now and again and I've hardly ever not seen him on there.

I believe he deliberately didn't reply. We got on great at work and spent a lot of time together. it was a small and close team so o doubt he forgot to reply.

He knew what he was doing.

Maybe I've annoyed him.

Either way, I don't feel I should now initiate contact or white on his Facebook.

MirandaWest Mon 23-Jan-17 09:17:06

If you want to wish him a happy birthday then do. If you don't then don't.

moreslackthanslick Mon 23-Jan-17 09:19:41

I was laughing reading this yesterday!

DeathStare Mon 23-Jan-17 09:25:45

I believe he deliberately didn't reply

That's a massive assumption to make. How could you possibly know that?

I often forget to reply to Facebook messages. I read them when it's not possible for me to give a decent reply (when I'm at work, cooking, walking down the street, dealing with kids) and think I'll reply later and then completely forget.

In fact reading this has reminded me that I didn't reply to a message from one of my oldest friends about two weeks ago. Whoops

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:27:06

I just think he did it deliberately. To make a point that he didn't want to stay in contact. I know him.

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:30:35

Hahahaha. At that daily mash article.

Foureyesarebetterthantwo Mon 23-Jan-17 09:33:56

You have taken longer pondering this than to write 'Happy Birthday'. The absolutely worst case scenario is that he sees your message, thinks its nice but doesn't get in contact in the future. This is costing you nothing, so why overthink it!

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:36:18

Because I have dignity. I'm not going to write happy birthday when he's made a deliberate point to say he doesn't want to be in contact.

AristotlesTrousers Mon 23-Jan-17 09:36:22

If you want to wish him a happy birthday then do. If you don't then don't.

This. ^^

He doesn't sound worth overthinking it, tbh.

caffelatte100 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:37:18

Loads of people don't answer questions. You are def. over thinking this, why are you so bothered. and the worst that could happen if you wish him happy birthday is?

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:37:20

I was just not going to and never thought more about it. Mutual friend made me feel bad. But you're right. I'm over thinking it. He's not getting a happy birthday. I might delete him on there altogether actually

sonyaya Mon 23-Jan-17 09:37:32

Whether he deliberately didn't reply or not, you don't need to justify not wishing someone on FB a happy birthday! If you prefer not to, then don't.

BitOutOfPractice Mon 23-Jan-17 09:38:24

I was exhausted anyway but reading this has tipped me over the edge

HecateAntaia Mon 23-Jan-17 09:39:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NormaSmuff Mon 23-Jan-17 09:39:50

Perhaps he didnt read your message fully, perhaps he just didnt know what to say.
wish him a HP,
or dont.

why dont you just write HP <<bit curt>>

Partyanimmal Mon 23-Jan-17 09:40:30

I felt bad. Didn't want to delete him as that's kind of mean. But I'm tempted

Floggingmolly Mon 23-Jan-17 09:40:39

God, just ignore the bloody lot of them and get on with your day hmm
Why are your friends policing who you wish happy birthday to?

dollydaydream114 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:41:31

None of this stuff matters.

You don't know why he didn't reply. He might have just ignored your message, or he might have just forgotten or starting drafting a reply and forgotten to hit send; it's very easy to do that and never send the message.

Equally, he probably won't notice your lack of birthday greeting. If he has lots of Facebook friends he will get lots of birthday messages and probably won't notice that there isn't one from you. I've never noticed if someone hasn't sent me a birthday message on Facebook, and I share a birthday with another Facebook friend. I would never notice whether someone said happy birthday to them and not me.

It's all trivial; just don't worry about it.

sillygoof Mon 23-Jan-17 09:42:33

This is ridiculous - how much time do you spend thinking about this man? A lot, it seems, and very stalker-y, all the knowing that he's always on chat and doesn't like your posts. Are you sure you haven't got feelings for him??

NormaSmuff Mon 23-Jan-17 09:45:51

you know perhaps he hasnt liked Anyone's posts on facebook?
<<or have you checked>>

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