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5 year age gap

(51 Posts)
booox Mon 23-Jan-17 08:19:49

Not really AIBU (sorry!) but I guess I know very few people with five years between their children (though my friend assures me "farmers always seem to have five year age gaps and I always think they're very sensible" confusedgrin)

Both DH and I were 3 years with our siblings - I have to say I didn't always get on with my sister and it did get quite bad at times which I think has had lasting effects for both of us. DH gets on with his now but not when younger and apparently decided to apologise to his younger brother when he was around 20 for how he'd treated him. Another friend with a brother five years older completely idolised him, which sounds lovely!

So in some ways I can see less competition between a bigger ages gap; at the same time there are loads of shared memories which are fabulous because we were closeish in age. So joint family things may be tricky, watching films etc.

I guess I'm just looking for experiences/ perceptions. Not a lot we can physically do about it!

JagerPlease Mon 23-Jan-17 08:47:29

I'm 6 year age gap with my sister - we just don't really have anything in common and didn't overlap any key stages of life together. Get on fine but certainly not friends

RuggerHug Mon 23-Jan-17 08:54:41

5 years between my sister and myself. We got on grand until we were teens and then it wasn't that we didn't get on, just a bit too much of a gap to be hanging out together. Once they get to the age of going to the pub together at the end of that it all goes back to mates (in my opinion!)grin

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 23-Jan-17 08:59:39

There's no rhyme or reason imo. Irrelevant fact; farming family There's 5 years between me and my older brother, he's my hero. Just under two between me and the next one, we get on grand. Three years between me and the sibling younger, we fall out something chronic, but he falls out with everyone. Youngest is 4 years younger, get on grand.

Honeybee79 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:00:53

I have 6 years between DS and DD. It's worked really well. He has been so sweet and gentle with her and there's no jealousy issues etc.

DreamsOfWaves Mon 23-Jan-17 09:02:03

22 years between me and my sister and I love her to pieces! smile

Rainydayspending Mon 23-Jan-17 09:04:09

That's strange. I just did some maths and worked out there is a five year gap between the children in my daughter's frenemies big family. They're farmers. (Older teen daughter, ten year old twins, ks1 & the baby). That must be a fluke though!

Thurlow Mon 23-Jan-17 09:05:50

I know people with a big age gap who are best friends, I know people close in age who don't get on at all. I don't think she gaps have much to do with it.

We have nearly 5 years between DD and baby DS. So far it's going very nicely - helpful to have an age gap where you can leave them together alone and know she won't sit on him or just abandon him.

FittonTower Mon 23-Jan-17 09:05:50

I have 4 brothers and sisters. I get on great with my brother who is 2 yrs younger than me but I get on best (and always have done really) with my sister who is 9 yrs younger than me. I don't think the age difference has much to do with how siblings get on - much more complicated than that.
Although my brother who is 5 yrs older than me was always a right shit when we were growing up. Think that's because he's a shit though, rather than the age gap.....

Snowflakes1122 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:10:07

Five year gap between my daughters. One minute they love each other, the next it's tear and tantrums. Pretty much the same as the 3 year gap between youngest dc and middle DC!

A larger gap between 1 and 2 was lovely in terms of being easier on me though.

Funnyface1 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:12:37

I have a 6 year age gap with my brother and we've never been close but we get on fine and there have never been problems. I have a 6 year old and a 5 month old baby. Have to say I am loving it so far. They adore each other and I have enough time for both of them because my 6 year old is more independent. The gap was bigger than I always planned just due to circumstances but now I wouldn't have it any other way.

Ilovewillow Mon 23-Jan-17 09:17:05

We have a 5 yr gap between our children almost to the day (8 & 3). It wasn't deliberate but if our children are IVF babies so that's just the way it worked out. It has been great our eldest was at school so our youngest was almost like an only child during the day and got plenty of one to one time. We have tried very hard to ensure that our eldest also still gets 1:1. They get in well and our daughter is very protective over her younger brother.

Headofthehive55 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:22:15

Huge advantages in that they aren't competing with each other as they are doing different things.
You can enjoy each stage without it feeling like Groundhog Day.
Believe me when you've taught one to learn to drive you will need more than a couple of years to get over it.
Negatives? More difficult days out, but very doable.

diddl Mon 23-Jan-17 09:22:52

Four & and half years.

Never got on as kids/teens.

20s/30s maybe ok, but now that I won't be automatically told what to do we are not close.

HicDraconis Mon 23-Jan-17 09:23:51

5 year gap between me & my brother, we get on fine but don't make much effort to keep in touch. 7 years between me & my sister, we are very close and text / email / chat regularly.

As children I got on fine with both of them.

18 months between my sons and they are varyingly the best of friends united against the world, or not talking to each other.

Birdandsparrow Mon 23-Jan-17 09:23:56

In terms of how your children will or won't get on, age gaps rally make no difference. It depends on their personalities more than anything. Choose the gap that suits you as a family and what will be will be in terms of their relationship.

RortyCrankle Mon 23-Jan-17 09:24:25

Three year gap with my sister. We have absolutely nothing in common and see each other briefly once a year.

BarbarianMum Mon 23-Jan-17 09:24:28

5 year gap be myself and my brother, my DiL has same gap be her children as well.

It's (imo) ok. You don't get the frantic struggle of the first couple of years, like you do when you have 2 close together, so in that sense it's easier. And it limits the relationship between the kids until adulthood which has pros and cons - fewer shared interests, less sibling rivalry.

Personally my own experience convinced me that it wasn't my ideal and I had mine close together which has definitely made them playmates despite difference in character.

Raffles1981 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:25:55

There were nine years between myself and my older brother (before he died) and there are nine years between me and my little brother. Love him to pieces. I wouldn't say it was an ideal age gap, but we get on so well and it was always great having an older brother because he had such life experience and would give me great advice. My step children are 22 and 23 years old and I am pregnant. So that is a huge gap but I don't think it will be a problem.

Monkeyface26 Mon 23-Jan-17 09:25:55

5 yrs between my 2 DDs. Now 16 & 11 and it's been great at every stage. Like pp's have said, the gap wasn't planned but we have had no sibling rivalry issues. They are genuinely the best of friends and it's mostly been easy to give them one-to-one time.
There is 7 yrs between my brother & I and we didn't start to get on well until I left for university at 18. Since then though, he has remained one of my favourite people in the world.

TellMeHowToLiveMyLife Mon 23-Jan-17 09:28:25

I'm from a farming family and there's 5 years almost to the day between db, me and dsis. We get on fantastically now but I think that's just fluke. As kids we didn't do an awful lot together but rubbed along ok when we did, certainly no rivalry.

BastardBernie Mon 23-Jan-17 09:28:33

I have a 5 year gap between two of mine and the love from the older to the younger melts my heart every day.
I have a 5 year gap between my older brother and I and we have a great relationship smile

Mindtrope Mon 23-Jan-17 09:29:54

There is a 6 year age gap between my sister and me- it always felt too big, I was aware that I was just an annoying little nuisance to her.
My own kids have a 2 year gap which is good. It means they have enjoyed similar activities together- both being able to use the play park, same movies at the cinema, soft play etc.

TheNotoriousRBG Mon 23-Jan-17 09:30:00

We have a 5 year age gap x 2 and it works really well. I couldn't have coped with a smaller age gap. IMHO choosing the age gap that suits your resources physically, financially and emotionally is what produces the best results. Sibling relationships take quite a bit of thoughtful facilitating. Having the older one at school means having the mornings to focus on the baby. Each child got a chance to be the baby and not feel rushed through any stage. The downside is finding activities that suit everyone but so far it hasn't been too bad because the older ones are pretty willing to join in things that are aimed younger. It has meant being out of work longer and I do worry about how it will be finding work after so long.

IckleWicklePumperNickle Mon 23-Jan-17 09:37:04

8 years between my DS1 and DS2.
It was by our own choice not by chance.

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