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AIBU?

AIBU ex demanding that I buy Biona Rye bread instead of Special K?

68 replies

waterfallrainbow · 22/01/2017 22:05

As DS is extremely picky it can be difficult to get him to eat a good breakfast, particularly when we're rushed in the morning. DS is 12, from former relationship, father left me when I was pregnant, I have always been sole carer and have recently remarried. Last week I was ill and DH served special K every day. Then I get a text ordering me to buy Biona Rye bread instead as apparently Special K 'has almost no vitality'

I suspect it is because his father is really neurotic about food (believes microwaves destroy the energy in your food, no pork, no alcohol, no wheat, no dairy, lots of fears around food generally...

Anyway, I get these regular, peremptory texts from my ex telling me how to bring up DS (who he now takes an interest in). They are driving me mad.

I really try to feed my son properly but it is not easy as I never know what he will take against next. Latest count is, he won't eat any sauces of any description, no sweet and sour, no fruit with meat, no granola, no muesli, no eggs (his father told him he's allergic to eggs and dairy), I just can't remember it all...

It's just stressful really. Two years ago DS was verging on anorexic and refusing to eat school dinner (he claimed it was too poor quality!) so I took him to see Jane Clarke, David Beckham's nutritionist (well worth the extra fee as what small boy will ignore David Beckham's nutritionist?!) who identified that my ex wasn't giving him enough protein. She was brilliant and inspired him with tales of how Beckham can run faster when he gets his diet right, and he is eating a bit better now, but his father still feeds him rabbit food (acorns when he was three, which made him sick... lots of nettle soup... irritating photographs of gourmet organic meals from his stepmother... heaven knows what else...)

It's the rather peremptory way he phrases it that I find especially difficult... as though I was the nanny!

DH thinks I should reply with an auto text which says 'try to be a bit more relaxed about food...'

Would love some ideas... Please be gentle... feeling fragile at the moment!

OP posts:

Report

haveacupoftea · 22/01/2017 22:12

Personally, I would tell him to fuck off with his unhealthy food obsession before he makes your sons disordered eating any worse. Arsehole.

SleepFreeZone · 22/01/2017 22:12

My god his dad sounds really scary. He is giving your son an eating phobia how often does he see him?

Lovewineandchocs · 22/01/2017 22:15

Auto text saying "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind" then ignore? It sounds as if your ex has some serious issues around food and needs some kind of counselling. If he is passing these onto your DS then that is really, really not good. Were the nutritionist's findings shared with your ex and how did he take it? How often is your DS with your ex? There are far bigger issues here than him trying to tell you what food to buy tbh. If your ex's attitude and food choices are endangering your DS' health perhaps it's time to seek legal advice re contact?

Rosae · 22/01/2017 22:15

Honestly I just wouldn't respond and would carry on doing it my way. If he pushed for a response I'd just say that I accept him doing it his way and he must accept mine and that as long as ds is fed and happy you'll carry on.

waterfallrainbow · 22/01/2017 22:15

He sees him once a fortnight and half the holidays. He is a bit eccentric, it has to be said. All sorts of bonkers theories - bit of a mad scientist, and endlessly dabbling in alternative health. But DS adores him, and at least he cares I guess.

OP posts:

Lovewineandchocs · 22/01/2017 22:15

Auto text saying "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind" then ignore? It sounds as if your ex has some serious issues around food and needs some kind of counselling. If he is passing these onto your DS then that is really, really not good. Were the nutritionist's findings shared with your ex and how did he take it? How often is your DS with your ex? There are far bigger issues here than him trying to tell you what food to buy tbh. If your ex's attitude and food choices are endangering your DS' health perhaps it's time to seek legal advice re contact?

MitzyLeFrouf · 22/01/2017 22:17

It sounds like his father is having a very negative effect in his health. I'd tell him to fuck off with his 'dietary advice'.

DJBaggySmalls · 22/01/2017 22:18

He is making your son ill, you have to do something about this.
Acorns are toxic. Thats well known.
If he is talking about the vitality of food he is well down the rabbit hole.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/01/2017 22:20

"at least he cares I guess."
Does he? Or does he just get a kick out of controlling your son to the extent that your son now has an eating disorder? That isn't caring.

MitzyLeFrouf · 22/01/2017 22:23

What kind of weirdo makes a child eat acorns?!

ollieplimsoles · 22/01/2017 22:28

Id be looking into with holding contact on the grounds that your ex is exhibiting controlling neurotic behaviour around your sons food intake.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 22/01/2017 22:28

Auto text reply

"You have an eating disorder. No I will not assist you with making sure our child does as well"

waterfallrainbow · 22/01/2017 22:32

DS' health is OK now, he does eat he's just an annoyingly picky eater. I think my ex's influence is on balance beneficial, and in any case I'd struggle to limit access. But I do find the nagging texts and emails with mad theories very draining.

OP posts:

waterfallrainbow · 22/01/2017 22:33

to be fair the acorns were a while ago when he was 3...

OP posts:

TheOnlyColditz · 22/01/2017 22:38

Why are you defending him? He's nuts and he's trying to ensure your son grows up nuts too!

littleoysterslittleoysters · 22/01/2017 22:39

Being the child of someone who had/has an eating disorder I would gently explain to your son that Daddy is a bit usual about food and although he loves him ds shouldn't listen to anything he says about food. It took me till I was about 25 to realise that my mother's issues with food where mental and nothing to do with me.

YouTheCat · 22/01/2017 22:43

I once saw Ray Mears eating acorns in one of his shows. They had to be ground up, soaked, then soaked some more and rinsed and all sorts of shit just to make them edible.

To just give them to a small child is utterly nuts. He poisoned his child.

I'd send a text saying what he is fed when he is at his, is his concern and you will feed him what you want when he is with you.

GloriaGaynor · 22/01/2017 22:50

This is an ED it's not an eccentricity or alternative health thing. I avoid some foods like wheat as it makes me itch and cows milk as it makes me nauseous. But a) I'm not scared of food and it annoys me to have avoid these things and b) I would never ever impose it on a child.

I don't have kids but when my nephews and niece come to stay they eat ordinary children's food.

Anxiety around food and food refusal now could escalate into a full blown ED when he's older. So your ex needs to get his issues under control around his son.

Camelsinthegobi · 22/01/2017 22:51

At 12, I would definitely talk to my son about how Daddy's ideas about food are odd and give him strategies to deal with it (smile and nod, then ignore). He's old enough to know that people have differing views about things and to give him the skills to make his own mind up. As for ex's comments to you - ignore ignore ignore.

GloriaGaynor · 22/01/2017 22:52

Biona rye bread isn't very nice anyway...

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/01/2017 22:52

"I think my ex's influence is on balance beneficial"
How? Serious question.

Sara107 · 22/01/2017 22:54

Acorns?? To be fair nettle soup is full of goodness, my mum used to make a delicious one. But, it is veg, so should be accompanied by protein ( non toxic sources) and carbs. Your ex seems to have a very unhealthy obsessive attitude to food and I agree that you need to consider the amount of access if he is turning your son against eating entire food groups.
Special K for a while will not do any harm at all.

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Silentplikebath · 22/01/2017 22:55

I agree with your DH.

DeathStare · 22/01/2017 22:58

I'd just reply with His nutritionist says this is bad advice and not to follow it. If you would like to discuss this with her give a call. Her number is XXXXX and she will charge you X per hour.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/01/2017 23:04

"You have an eating disorder. No I will not assist you with making sure our child does as well"

This, along with

His QUALIFIED AND ACCREDITED nutritionist says this is bad advice and not to follow it. If you would like to discuss this with her give a call. Her number is XXXXX and she will charge you X per hour.

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