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AIBU to be upset about Baby Shower situation?

(42 Posts)
squeakymcgee Sun 22-Jan-17 20:59:59

New to MN so please go easy on me. I am organising a baby shower, along with 3 other girls for our friend. We had asked her if she wanted one, she did. We checked if anyone else was going to plan one. She said 'no'. We said would your mum like to organise it, she said 'no i'd prefer you girls to do it'. So we get on with the plans, inviting everyone on her list (including her mum). Plans all going well, most people can make it, although i did think the contact list she provided was a little light on people (she has a big family). Anyway, yesterday a post appears on facebook of the mum of said friend, who had organised her a baby surprise baby shower! Alot of people there, some who will be at the one we have organised and some who wont (as they were not on the list we were given). We were not invited or told about this surprise shower. AWBU to be upset by this and think it a bit strange? We have put in alot of effort to organise her baby shower as well as money on deposits, decorations, cake ect & now it feels like the shine has been taken off it all with her mums 'surprise' baby shower taking centre stage. Her mum went to town with it from the photos i can see on FB. 2 baby showers is a bit extravagant or AIBU? Why couldn't her mum combine with what we were doing? Or explain that she really wanted to do it, we would have then taken a step back and let her take the lead. We are all mums and so don't exactly have lots of time on our hands so wouldnt have minded her take over at all.

IRegretNothing Sun 22-Jan-17 21:03:29

That would piss me right off! If I was a guest who had been double invited I would be a bit confusedhmm and think it a bit grabby too.
I can't even think of a way of 'fixing' this as presumably if you cancel yours there will be guests not invited to surprise one who will feel a bit miffed.
The only advixe I can gice is to recontact anyone who was at the surprise shower to confirm they will be attending shower #2

IRegretNothing Sun 22-Jan-17 21:04:17

Urgh 'scuse typos!

SaltySalt Sun 22-Jan-17 21:05:38

I'd cancel tbh

anothermalteserplease Sun 22-Jan-17 21:06:41

That's strange. A second baby shower does seem extravagant. If it was a surprise to your friend though it's not her fault. I'd likely speak to her about scaling way back and just going for a meal the 4 of you rather than a party.

CherryChasingDotMuncher Sun 22-Jan-17 21:06:59

Warning OP - about 70% of forthcoming comments will moan about how grabby they think baby showers are. Which will not be the least bit helpful.

Was it possibly a family-only baby shower if she's got a big family? As a friend Id be annoyed at being expected to spend double on presents etc

DeathStare Sun 22-Jan-17 21:08:02

YANBU Her mum should have said something to you when you sent her the invite.

Maybe see if you can do something slightly different - go out for a meal or something?

Littlepeople12345 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:09:18

I'd cancel. Why are you payineed? Surely it's not down to you to pay for venue, cake and stuff?

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 22-Jan-17 21:09:22

Hmm, it is odd. She clearly said she'd prefer you to do it though, maybe her mum is being a tit?

bunnylove99 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:11:22

YANBU. That's a shame. I would be really annoyed myself. The mum should have spoken to you about this. Best just asking your friend what she wants to happen now with regard to 2nd shower.

ExpectoPatronummmm Sun 22-Jan-17 21:11:39

On one hand I'm jealous of your friend because she gets two baby showers and I have no one to do one for me (didn't have one for my son or daughter and now pregnant again) have no close friends.

On the other side I would be puzzled too at what's happened. Very weird. Is her Mam petty?

Mumzypopz Sun 22-Jan-17 21:14:03

I reckon the Mums nose has been put out of joint a bit when she got your invite, and got in first.

Rainbowqueeen Sun 22-Jan-17 21:14:18

I'd be upset too. but at the mum not your friend.

Sounds like mum wanted to get the glory and your friend was not aware of it. Do they have a difficult relationship?? I was just wondering as it seems an odd thing to do and also because your friend did not want your mum to host the baby shower.

I would also speak to your friend about what to do now

MadMags Sun 22-Jan-17 21:14:54

Sounds like her mam didn't want you organising it!

I'd cancel. Two baby showers is ridiculous! Especially if your guests were at the mam's one...

I'd do a lunch/afternoon tea with the four of you instead.

IRegretNothing Sun 22-Jan-17 21:17:32

Sorry guys, didn't mean to use the mn standard "grabby phrase."
I think chilled, not ott showers are great but meant that two might be pushing it.
Dsis went to a friends baby shower which was like a mini hen do or summat-meal, spa, staying overnight in hotel. She was £200 lighter before she'd bought her friend a gift. But i digress.
Is there any way you could transform the shower into another kind of celebration? Dunno what though!!
I'm assuming you'll lose your deposit if you cancel?

seven201 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:17:59

Crikey. I'm not a fan of baby showers but that is just rude and very odd. I think you should speak to the expectant mum and say you were surprised to see the other baby shower on Facebook and now aren't sure if you should cancel yours despite having paid deposits.

FilledSoda Sun 22-Jan-17 21:18:06

You will have to cancel, no one can have two baby showers at least not with duplicate guests.
If I were you I would insist on it.
What the hell was her mother playing at?

RainbowJack Sun 22-Jan-17 21:22:25

Yep. Cancel it.

Very odd and inconsiderate of them.

coconutpie Sun 22-Jan-17 21:28:00

I would cancel it. Very very bad form.

ILoveDolly Sun 22-Jan-17 21:29:19

Yeah I'd cancel and then maybe do a small lunch for four of you at someone's house. Tell her why you cancelled and then she can take it up with her bad mannered mum. Baby Showers are traditionally a peer organised event not a family event as such and she was bang out of order doing that to you.

Benedikte2 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:34:32

Could it be postponed until after baby arrives to have a baby naming party or some such? A relaxed time with a group of her friends to sit back and be waited on

Iamastonished Sun 22-Jan-17 21:34:39

Cancel it

"as well as money on deposits, decorations, cake ect "

What on earth do you need to put a deposit on for a baby shower? It's just a fancy tea party at someone's house isn't it?

Eevee77 Sun 22-Jan-17 21:41:20

Yeah sounds like her mum has taken over. She's nuts. If you invited her then obviously she knew, it's astonishing that she didn't mention it or even invite you! I'd tell your friend you think it's best to cancel. I would not attend any 2nd baby shower and it is far far too much. It is such a shame for you. I'd be furious tbh

EweAreHere Sun 22-Jan-17 21:47:49

I would cancel the second baby shower. I'm sure the mum to be will understand.

Slimmingsnake Sun 22-Jan-17 21:51:55

Excellent,saves you a job.just one needs one baby shower ,never mind two....but I'd be asking the mother of yr friend what her fucking problem is,coz she's clearly got one with you

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