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To ask whether you would blame an overweight child on

(200 Posts)
Catlady1976 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:14:34

The overweight parent.
I am overweight/bordering on obese but used to be much heavier.
Two of my children (late primary/early secondary) are overweight.
My dh is a normal weight but has a crap diet. When he cooks (rarely) it involves bunging a pizza in the oven or ordering a pizza. Large size for a 10 Year old which gets eaten over 2 days. When I was away for the weekend he took the kids to McDonald's and let them have large evm with coke.
When I do the cooking I try to cook healthy meals and adjust portion size to suit.
I am also he one taking the kids swimming or go the gym , park etc.
Yet often I read ( on here and other forums) that many children are overweight because they have an overweight parent or parents
So MN would you judge me for this as I am the overweight one?

Wirrywoo Sun 22-Jan-17 19:17:49

So he cooks rarely and the kids are still overweight?

Are you sure you are adjusting portion sizes if 2 of your kids are overweight?

MrsMeeseeks Sun 22-Jan-17 19:19:25

I wouldn't, but then I am overweight/obese and my DS is slim.

It sounds like you are trying hard to give them a healthy diet but your DH doesn't sound like he is on board with it.

gamerwidow Sun 22-Jan-17 19:19:31

I'd blame both parents equally if the children were overweight but I think blame would be too strong a word. I would think that maybe the parents weren't modelling the best healthy eating example because they didn't eat healthily themselves. I am overweight because I snack too much on crap between meals and it really worries me the example I'm setting for DD. She's not overweight presently but I wonder if I'm setting her up to be fat as a teenager and adult.

OurMiracle1106 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:19:41

I would wonder why you hadn't taken your children and self to a doctor if your diet is healthy to find out if there's an underlying medical condition which could be causing it?

Oysterbabe Sun 22-Jan-17 19:20:05

I think I would a bit. Sorry.

NoraDora Sun 22-Jan-17 19:21:04

Both parents need to step up. Your kids aren't over weight due to an occasional large pizza.

Soubriquet Sun 22-Jan-17 19:22:00

I would blame both parents tbh

WalkingDownTheRoad Sun 22-Jan-17 19:23:04

It's irrelevant which if you is to blame, as parents you share responsibility if your kids are overweight - unless they are teenagers scoffing chips when not with you and you can't stop them.

You need to both model healthy eating, and ensure that it happens. It's not your fault because you are overweight. It is both of your fault because of the food choices you are making for your DC.

I take my DC to mac Donald's sometimes, and order takeaway pizzas sometimes. They are none of them overweight, so there's something else at play I would say. Sorry.

NerrSnerr Sun 22-Jan-17 19:23:06

It's equally both parent's fault but the occasional pizza and McDonalds does not make someone fat. I would expect both parents to work together to help the child lose weight.

AuntieStella Sun 22-Jan-17 19:23:09

If he's responsible for meals only occasionally, then yes I would look elsewhere for reasons for the DC's weight. The occasional pizza/burger isn't going to be the cause.

So, how often is he in charge of meals?

Portion size for the everyday meals is the usual suspect. Next suspect is 'healthy' not quite adding up eg by including too much calorie-dense food and not enough fibrous (fruit, veg and whole grains)

SparklyLeprechaun Sun 22-Jan-17 19:23:30

Based purely on what you said here then yes, I would blame you, because you are the one mostly responsible for cooking and feeding them. Children don't get fat on the occasional McDonald's.

But generally speaking, I would blame both parents.

DotForShort Sun 22-Jan-17 19:24:05

I wouldn't try to apportion blame to one parent or the other. But I suppose (if I gave it any thought) I would imagine that the home environment might not be ideal if the children are overweight. That would lead me to believe that they are eating too much and not exercising enough. Of course, in some situations that is not the case (medical conditions, certain medications, etc.).

IateallthePies654 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:24:16

Id blame both, they must be eating large portions regularly if their stomachs can fit in a large meal and cola!

pinkdelight Sun 22-Jan-17 19:24:34

It sounds like you're avoiding the issue by trying to blame your DH. It doesn't matter whose to blame or who'll judge you. All that matters is making positive changes together now to get you and your DC healthy. There must be a portion issue, and the 'try to' might need to become more concrete. The exercise is important too but food is the key. I don't judge when i see overweight kids. I just feel sad and hope someone sorts it out.

BrowsOnFleek Sun 22-Jan-17 19:25:08

I'd blame the parents. There could be underlying issues but that would be my first instinct.

farfarawayfromhome Sun 22-Jan-17 19:25:33

I would blame both parents.

icy121 Sun 22-Jan-17 19:26:33

I would go to the GP, explain you and your family's situation and ask to be referred to a dietician, along with your husband and kids for proper advice.

Or if that's not an option; find an online calculator for basal metabolic rate and work out your kids' BMR (the calories they would need to maintain their weight assuming they lay completely still all day). Then adjust portions and meals accordingly. Kids should not eat off adult sized plates.

If your kids are overweight this is more likely to be because of lowish-level sustained over consumption of cals. Nip it in the bud now.

MistressPage Sun 22-Jan-17 19:27:17

I wouldn't blame you OP. I was a fat child (lost it all now) and managed to outwit all my mother's desperate attempts to control my diet...

Marynary Sun 22-Jan-17 19:27:31

I wouldn't judge the parents at all if the children are at late primary school or secondary school age. Those that think you can totally police their diet probably have very young children.

369thegoosedrankwine Sun 22-Jan-17 19:28:41

I would blame both. It's not easy when they're teens but for children under say 11, they can really only eat what they have access to.

jcne Sun 22-Jan-17 19:30:01

Honestly? Yes I'm afraid I would. The occasional pizza isn't enough to cause obesity. Why are your children really overweight?

EmzDisco Sun 22-Jan-17 19:31:19

It's not so much who's fault it is, but who's responsibility it is to do something about it. And that would be both parents, regardless of their own weights and diets. It's down to both parents to provide a good diet, set a good example and seek help if you're struggling with that.

NavyandWhite Sun 22-Jan-17 19:32:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty Sun 22-Jan-17 19:33:23

Both parents are responsible for their children's diet/portion size/exercise.

Therefore, I would blame both parents regardless of their weight.

I see more people on here blaming schools for not doing enough PE, blaming school dinners and blaming schools for allowing kids to give out small bags of Haribo on their birthdays.

None of that alone is enough to make a child overweight alone.

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