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Am I over reacting?

(127 Posts)
lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:28:37

I have been in a relationship with man I fell head over heels in love with nearly two years ago...after being in an abusive marriage for 19 years this man was a breath of fresh air..
Recently he has been getting suddenly very angry with me and been distant..going out after work to the pub,sometimes I feel like he's avoiding me.
I know I am ultra sensitive and suffer with's the 'thing'..tonight we have been out to the cinema.when we came out we went to get coffee....Whilst ordering I 'looked' at him funny (he tried to blame the lady who served us that she'd got our order wrong,that he had ordered me something) because he ordered himself something to eat and didn't ask me if I wanted anything...he got verbally mad at me,started saying did I think he was a moron and stupid in the coffee shop,started being verbally aggressive (not only to me but to the lady who served us) he pointed his fingers into a gun,pulled his arm right up..pointed it at me as if he was pulling the trigger...he was shaking his evil looks to me and the poor lady behind the counter..I felt so ashamed.
The thing is I can't trust my judgement with men.
I am feeling really insecure in our relationship,he is very confident and everyone loves him.
Am I right in thinking the gun thing is very wrong or am I over reacting?
Thank you in advance for any helpful answers smile

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Sun 22-Jan-17 01:31:44

That's fucking weird behaviour - if he has never done anything like that before he's trying to goad you into breaking up with him; if he has, you're obviously still in an abusive relationship flowers

Darlink Sun 22-Jan-17 01:31:47

This doesn't sound good I'm afraid.
Have you challenged him on these angry outbursts ?

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:34:10

I have challenged him,he says he does have anger but he won't talk about it because without it he will feel weak..that was a couple of weeks ago.
It's played on my mind ever since.

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom Sun 22-Jan-17 01:35:07

You are not over reacting. That is appalling behaviour.

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:35:44

FeliciaJollygoodfellow..I do fee like he is goading me to break up with him,thank you for being honest smile

PollytheDolly Sun 22-Jan-17 01:39:33

Nope. With your past you are not up to this bullshit. Not saying you are weak, you are NOT. But bugger that.

Move on OP. Better out there for you x

abbrev Sun 22-Jan-17 01:40:41

I can understand that if he had ordered you something, you were complaining to him and it wasn't his fault then he could have been a little annoyed. Nothing more though.

Getting that angry... pretending to shoot you.... It's very, very strange.

haveacupoftea Sun 22-Jan-17 01:43:04


TheCustomaryMethod Sun 22-Jan-17 01:43:19

His behaviour isn't normal or acceptable. He's been verbally abusive both to you and a complete stranger. He may need help of some kind with his anger issues - and by all means encourage him to seek this - but you need to distance yourself from him immediately - you're on a dangerous pathway.

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles Sun 22-Jan-17 01:46:25

This is seriously abnormal behaviour!

Get out, don't look back!

Sounds like just the start!

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:48:08

Thank you for answering,I feel so alone right now.I've made such a massive mistake I think..there is so much more to this than just tonight..I've spent £50 thousand pounds on 'us' holidays,living etc over the last couple of years..he works and pays his way but I've subsidied us heavily.
Now I don't have as much money I'm worried I've been a fool.

kelj2 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:49:15

That's not normal behaviour at all! If my partner acted like that I would be out of there

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:50:15

He gave up everything where he lived in Scotland..sold his house moved down here to be with me...

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 01:51:53

I am my head it's over,I haven't got the energy

TheCustomaryMethod Sun 22-Jan-17 01:52:06

OP, the money you've spent is gone whether you stay with him or not! All the more reason to cut your losses before you lose even more money on subsidising him.

TheCustomaryMethod Sun 22-Jan-17 01:55:07

Nothing to stop him going back to Scotland. If you've subsidised him to the tune of £50k, presumably he still has some of his house sale proceeds left - but even if he's penniless, he is a grown man and therefore not your responsibility.

SanitysSake Sun 22-Jan-17 01:56:18

I am with the other posters about him trying to goad you into breaking up with him. Outside of this, the gun thing.. is a whole lot of psychopathic wrong. Get out and quick x

Insomnibrat Sun 22-Jan-17 01:57:26

You are not overreacting. Cut your losses, the money doesn't matter, your health and sanity does.

Could it be possible you tend to fall for a 'type'? Whether it is or not, just look after yourself until you can be confident you're safe. x

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 02:01:28

I had the money from my house sale,that's why I feel like a fool,I should've saved it.My two best friends didn't like him so didn't want anything to do with him so I lost touch with them..I can't help but think they were right.

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 02:02:40

But you are right,I'm healthy and working.The money doesn't matter.Just feel stupid.

twattymctwatterson Sun 22-Jan-17 02:11:32

Op in 2 years he's rushed a move with you where you feel responsible for him uprooting your life, allowed you to subsidise him to the tune of £50k, isolated you from good friends and is now becoming aggressive and verbally abusive. Oh and he gaslights you. I'm sorry but you've gone from one abusive relationship to another. Get out now and look into doing the freedom programme

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 02:15:57

This is going to make me sound completely paranoid but also this week he has started wearing a tweed cap...a lady he works with (his boss) who is all over him(I've witnessed it)has pictures up on her instagram of herself wearing a tweed cap..I feel like I'm going mad

lolli43 Sun 22-Jan-17 02:19:14

I looked at the freedom programme,is it actual meetings or only online?
I honestly feel like such a failure.I thought I'd met my forever man sad

twattymctwatterson Sun 22-Jan-17 02:25:08

You can do either online or go to a group session. I know it's disappointing- I've been there. But it's better to end it now than having years of misery

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