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To want some sleep?

(20 Posts)
Pissedoffinsomniac Sun 22-Jan-17 00:56:29

DD1 is almost 4 months old. She is EBF and I have bedshared with her since she was a week old as she would not sleep anywhere except on me or in the car. I was worried about it at first but have grown to love it. She occasionally wakes once in the night and is straight back to sleep so we are both getting a good night's sleep. DH is sleeping in the spare room on the top floor and doesn't hear DD when she does cry so he also gets a decent night's sleep.

DH and I have tried to put DD into her co-sleeper or her Sleepyhead if she's fallen asleep on either of us in the evening but she wakes up almost immediately. She will subsequently only settle and fall asleep with boob and/or cuddles, so that's what I do. Daytime naps are in the sling/car/pram.

In the past week I've had professionals, two friends and even DH talk about how we should implement a "routine" and teach DD how to "self-settle". We have a little routine (bath and PJs, sleepy cuddles/nap on the sofa, BF or bottle of EBM then bed) and I'm not going back to work or planning on leaving DD until September. AIBU to say "no! We are both sleeping well and happy"? The thought of trying to sleep train DD makes me want to cry.

Thattimeofyearagain Sun 22-Jan-17 00:58:18

Ignore them. You are the expert of your baby. It sounds like your doing beautifully flowers

Pissedoffinsomniac Sun 22-Jan-17 07:26:33

Thanks thattime both DD and I are quite happy with the arrangement... doesn't seem like anyone else is though! Am I nurturing a child who will never sleep in their own bed though if I don't "do something about it" (another quote from this week)?

Champagneformyrealfriends Sun 22-Jan-17 07:30:33

I think it's whatever works for you. The only thing I'd consider is how you'll transition her into her own bed (should that be what you want to do!) in due course. Ignore them though-I found people were always trying to get me to do the next thing with DD when she was tiny (own room, weaning etc).

teaandbiscuitsforme Sun 22-Jan-17 07:33:53

Ignore them all. She'll sleep on her own, in her own bed when she's ready. DD transitioned from co-sleeping to a single bed in her own room at 18 months, no tears, no training, no fuss. We just waited until she was ready for it. We certainly didn't 'make a rod for our own back!'

preparedtobeshotdown Sun 22-Jan-17 08:12:16

I agree with you op do what is best for you and baby.. however don't let it have an effect on your marriage. If it's having and effect on your romatic/emotional well being of you or your partner then you might have to try and find a way around it


CheshireDing Sun 22-Jan-17 08:28:44

She's only 4 months and what works for one Family won't necessarily work for you - the same with children within the same Family. Too young for a routine I would personally say.

We have 3 (DC3 is 8 months) each one has slept differently, some better than others. DC2 and DC3 were definitely easier to get into their own cots (in our room) when they could sleep on their fronts though.

It will happen in time, no rush, she is still very little.

Meandyou72 Sun 22-Jan-17 08:34:12

The fact your DH has brought it up does indicate that perhaps he is not as happy with it as you. If he is then it's not a problem but be careful that 4 months doesn't become a year then 2 years etc etc.

Sweets101 Sun 22-Jan-17 08:36:59

I did the same with DS, he is 15 months now and sleeps in his own bed very well.

foxyloxy78 Sun 22-Jan-17 09:22:47

I did the same and had issues getting my DC to sleep in his on bed. He became dependent on me to sleep. Could cause issues with DH. I would nip it in the bud now and move her to her own cot.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Sun 22-Jan-17 09:27:03

I had a baby like that. When she was a little older than yours she suddenly started getting disturbed by me in the night so I tried her in her own room and it was great. Then when she turned 1 she started getting angry going into her cot so we tried her in a toddler bed and her sleep improved again. She is 15 months old and will not sleep in my bed ever, even when she is poorly.
Take your cue from your baby, and have an honest discussion with your OH.

Allthewaves Sun 22-Jan-17 09:29:30

perhaps dh wants back in his own bed. You need to talk with him.

She is 4 months old. I don't see the issue with it. She won't be sleeping in your bed. However, if it's causing issues in your marriage then you also have to think about this. DD is also his daughter so should have some input in the sleeping arrangements!

gamerchick Sun 22-Jan-17 09:37:44

She's too young for sleep training anyway.

Keep up with the bedtime routine though, it'll come in later on.

As for the marriage, you don't need to share a bed to keep that happy. You just need some imagination and effort.

Pissedoffinsomniac Mon 23-Jan-17 11:38:39

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Turns out that those who said DH may be feeling a bit put out were right, ended up having a massive row where I said that if he wanted DD out of the bed then he can't expect me to do any kind of "re-adjustment" on my own whilst he has a cosy night's sleep in the loft bedroom, then just swan back into the marital bed.
I also made a point of feeding DD to sleep in her co-sleeper, then gently edged away (less than 6 inches) as she got into a deeper sleep. Sure as anything, when DD realised she wasn't snuggled up to me she cried and wouldn't settle until back on boob, in my bed. I rang DH every time this happened as he allegedly can't hear anything in the loft... cue one very grumpy DH (and me!)!this morning 😬

gamerchick Mon 23-Jan-17 11:41:52

You rang him? Bravo man, I like your style!

This bit isn't for ever, it's tough on everyone but seriously, how you get them to sleep doesn't matter. Survival!

Pissedoffinsomniac Mon 23-Jan-17 11:47:13

Thanks gamerchick my thoughts exactly. IMO DH is very fortunate that he can have an unbroken night's sleep in a separate bedroom unlike many other parents (one advantage to his slight hearing loss!) for what I feel is a small compromise.

mistermagpie Mon 23-Jan-17 11:51:58

You rang him? You're my hero, good for you!

Personally your set up wouldn't have been for me (co-sleeping and you and DH in seperate beds) but if it's working just now then I think you're doing great. Saying that, it isn't working for your DH by the sounds of it so you are right that he needs to get involved in the 'transition'. I would probably give it another couple of months and then do one big transition to putting her in her own room. For now, at 4 months old, I would just be doing whatever it is that gets the most people the most sleep and it sounds like that's what your doing.

teaandbiscuitsforme Mon 23-Jan-17 12:35:01

Wow, good work with your DH Pissed! BF and co-sleeping is hard and one of the biggest things is it's all on you so I'm all for you letting him know how tough it is!

Personally I'd carry on how you are for now, she's too young to sleep train. See how you're all doing in a few months!

MaryAll Mon 23-Jan-17 13:30:55

I think there is time to teach routines and stuff at a later stage. Right now you need to assure your child's comfort.

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