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To say nothing

(136 Posts)
Inarightpickleandchutney Sat 21-Jan-17 23:53:36

So.. DH and his friend come back from the pub (friend is stopping here tonight) and I wake up when they open front door.
I'm laying trying to get back to sleep and overheard their conversation.

The pair of them were discussing how they thought my best friend was 'hot' 'fucking hot' and how much of a nice rack she has.

Also DH says things have gone stale with us.

They don't know I heard.

Do I let this go or go down and make an almighty scene??

joopy79 Sat 21-Jan-17 23:54:50

Don't make a scene now, discuss it when the friend has gone

Inarightpickleandchutney Sat 21-Jan-17 23:56:00

That will be tomorrow evening.. Is that too long?

DJBaggySmalls Sat 21-Jan-17 23:57:08

You need to plan what you are going to say. You dont want to be struggling for words, not over this.

WildBelle Sat 21-Jan-17 23:57:27

I agree best wait until friend has gone but if it was me I'd have to say something, otherwise it would fester.

So sorry op, you must be feeling like you've been punched at the moment.

Inarightpickleandchutney Sat 21-Jan-17 23:59:16

Ok.. So any idea what I can say?
I do indeed feel like I've been smacked in the stomach

ittookme1hrtothinkofthisname Sun 22-Jan-17 00:01:20

Oh man that is horrible and I didn't want to read and run. I wouldn't say now as I assume they have been drinking and friend is there. How long have you been married?

nicenewdusters Sun 22-Jan-17 00:01:32

Don't say anything tonight. Rowing in front of somebody else is never a good idea. Also, if they've been drinking and are having a "laddish" talk that's not the environment to challenge your dh.

You can tell him tomorrow morning that you heard what he said, but that you don't want to talk about it until the friend has gone.

Salmotrutta Sun 22-Jan-17 00:03:05

I'm sorry this happened OP.

Horrible to overhear something like that.

I'd wait until friend left then tackle your DH.


GlitteryFluff Sun 22-Jan-17 00:03:06

Don't do it if they've been drinking
But yes talk about it tomorrow
flowers for you

dollydaydream114 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:04:16

Oh god, what a horrible thing for you to have to overhear and what a total shit your DH has been.

I do think you need to discuss it with him, but absolutely not while your DH's friend is there. Even if it means you have to wait 24 hours, I don't think any good will come of raising it while there's someone else in the house.

Inarightpickleandchutney Sun 22-Jan-17 00:04:53

Married a long time.
If I do say I heard everything, what do I actually say?

Just 'I heard you two last night chatting about stuff'

And see if he realises?

nicenewdusters Sun 22-Jan-17 00:04:59

I'd just tell him straight out what you heard. That it's disrespectful to you, and actually to your friend as well. Ask him what he means by gone stale, and why he didn't have this conversation with you.

Salmotrutta Sun 22-Jan-17 00:06:42

And I'd say :-

"I heard you saying things were stale between us to Friend X last night. That was very disloyal for a start but what do you want to do about it? Obviously this needs to be addressed"

Inarightpickleandchutney Sun 22-Jan-17 00:09:01

I'm just so insulted.
Pair of them having a good old chat about my oldest and closest friend and how beautiful she is.

Treetophouses Sun 22-Jan-17 00:09:17

Tomorrow I'd say you were awake, heard what was said about your best friend, and are very hurt. Then pause and let the silence develop if he doesn't answer straight away.
I'd make the nature of the future relationship conditional on how he responds once he does.

user1478860582 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:10:01

We all talk to our mates. You only have to look on MN to see how many people come on here saying their marriages are a bit stale.

Has it gone stale a little? If so perhaps talk to him and see how you can work together to bring things back. And then take the piss out of him for the comments regarding your friend.

Inarightpickleandchutney Sun 22-Jan-17 00:11:35

I hadn't thought it had at all.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Sun 22-Jan-17 00:12:06

I'm so sorry. What an awful thing to hear.. You do need to talk about it. No one would despute that, but. Not night while Hes obviously drunk.
That's right away going to make you feel resentful toward your Friend. Yes I know its not her fault, but no man women or beast wants their partner to find someone else more in his words "fucking hotter than they are, of course there's going to be jealousy

Salmotrutta Sun 22-Jan-17 00:13:22

I'd be gutted too OP.

Speak to your DH tomorrow after friend leaves. Tell him you heard it all and ask him what's to be done.

Don't sit on this.

Inarightpickleandchutney Sun 22-Jan-17 00:15:37

I have to say I heard, and see what he says.
I can't believe that he didn't say to me first.
And my friend is 'fucking hot'.
So hurt.

SanitysSake Sun 22-Jan-17 00:15:55

Oh my dear lord, I am so so sorry for your pain, OP.

I would go ballistic... (but I'm not the most level headed sometimes)

I think I would get a pen and a peace of paper and write out what you heard in transcript form so you don't forget it. I would then ask him in the morning and when his friend has gone how trashed they got (if he says 'not very' then he can't deny anything with 'memory failure' as an excuse).

I would then say incredibly calmly but soberly 'I heard everything you said last night when you came in. I didn't think you thought so very little of me to say something so devastatingly hurtful. If you think my friend is better than me - more attractive than me - and things are now 'stale between us', I suggest you make approaches to her. In the meantime; you and your mate go fuck yourselves. I want some time alone. Please, go upstairs, pack a bag, go and stay at someone elses and don't come back unless you've got something to say worth hearing'.

I repeat, I am not the most level headed sometimes, but I would see the above as a much better alternative than what I would be likely to do right now.. which is to storm downstairs and kick the pair of the total * out the front door.

My heart is with you, petal x

SanitysSake Sun 22-Jan-17 00:16:19


Sweets101 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:16:39

Don't do it now when his friend is there. When you get the opportunity tomorrow i would say 'i heard you and x talking last night, it was like a kick in the stomach. I'm gutted'

mumofthemonsters808 Sun 22-Jan-17 00:17:21

I wouldn't row in front of any guests, I'd tackle him tomorrow. However, the odds are he will just deny saying it, he"ll say they were both pissed and he can't even remember the conversation.Its a great defence and people seem to think not remembering what they say when pissed is a get out clause and shuts the conversation down.By the end of the discussion you will probably think you misheard what they said. So I'm not sure how you approach this one.

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