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To think this is not my responsibility

(108 Posts)
showcropper Sat 21-Jan-17 21:22:41

Just had a big argument with dh about this and need some perspective, will try to keep it as brief as possible.

Dmil has spoken to dh about being upset that she doesn't hear from us much, and that I never call her. Dh has come home and said he thinks it's really nasty of me to not call her more and I have really upset her.

The thing is HE never calls either! I call my dm at leat twice a week to catch up just because I like to talk to her. I honestly never think to call mil as I'm not sure what I would say. She is not awful by any stretch, we just don't have much in common, and I find her a bit awkward.

My response to him was to ask when the last time was he called my mum or dad for a chat? (answer was never) and that I think maybe HE should call his mum more.

Anyway he has gone off in a huff now, but I think that he thinks (and dmil thinks) just because I am female, I should do the chatting/organising visits.

celtiethree Sat 21-Jan-17 21:26:52

Yanbu his mum his job to call. There is never an expectation of a DH to call his PIL. Sexist nonsense. I'd stand my ground here and leave to your DH to keep in touch. I don't call my PIL but encourage my DC and DH to call but don't force if it they don't.

BendingSpoons Sat 21-Jan-17 21:28:43

YANBU, they are his parents, he should be the one doing the bulk of the contact.

gamerchick Sat 21-Jan-17 21:28:51

I'm with you man, great response, let him sulk.

Or shove the phone in his hand when he's sitting relaxing each and every week to ring his mother until your point has filtered through.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Sat 21-Jan-17 21:28:58

He's an arse who needs to call his own mother.

He's being ridiculous.

Mumzypopz Sat 21-Jan-17 21:29:11

His Mother, his responsibility.....Same in our family. I deal with my side, he deals with his. Not a big surprise that we see mine more, talk to mine more etc. You are not your husband's social planner. I only ring my Mil to thank for birthday gifts, so literally once a year. Ring mine every week. I have no doubt that I'm probably blamed for my husband not ringing his side much.

Froggie13 Sat 21-Jan-17 21:30:03

YANBU. I don't contact my MIL, she's perfectly nice but don't have a lot in common. I keep on touch with my family a few times a week, and see it as DH's responsibility to keep in touch with his. We go along to family gatherings etc. and I don't think MIL thinks anything of me not contacting her. Your MIL and DH are being unreasonable. smile

Wolfiefan Sat 21-Jan-17 21:30:18

So he doesn't call?
But you should?!?!
He's being a sulky arse!

HecateAntaia Sat 21-Jan-17 21:32:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite Sat 21-Jan-17 21:32:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Huldra Sat 21-Jan-17 21:34:10


Words fail me, they both think it's your responsibility shockhmmconfused and it's ok for him not to call.

Brokenbiscuit Sat 21-Jan-17 21:34:37

He's being unbelievably sexist. She is his mother. I presume he has a voice and fingers to dial the numbers. He needs to call her.

SanitysSake Sat 21-Jan-17 21:35:57

Tell him to stop palming off responsibility and take ownership for his own relationships with his parents.

PurpleThursday Sat 21-Jan-17 21:36:17

His mother needs to be straight with him that actually he doesn't call her enough.

He needs to see that and do something about it - or not - but either way stop blaming you.

YANBU. Let the prick sulk.

PidgeyfinderGeneral Sat 21-Jan-17 21:36:21

I don't really contact Mil either, mainly because we don't really have anything in common and we've had our issues in the past. We get on ok now but she's definitely not someone I'd phone for a chat. Fortunately, DH is happy to do the chatty calls.

girlelephant Sat 21-Jan-17 21:36:51

YANBU! He should call his Mum. She should also call him and not expect all contact to be to her

ConvincingLiar Sat 21-Jan-17 21:37:15

I don't ring mil often, maybe twice a year. It's her son she wants to speak to. I do send her photos of dd.

MyWhatICallNameChange Sat 21-Jan-17 21:37:18

So if it's your responsibility to phone his mum ask him when he's going to show the same courtesy to your mum and phone her for a chat.

Thecatmademedoit Sat 21-Jan-17 21:38:03

He is ridiculous. You are definitely not being unreasonable !

Of course if DMil has such an issue and she is so upset she could call you grin

jelliebelly Sat 21-Jan-17 21:39:03

YANBU his mother his responsibility

Ellisandra Sat 21-Jan-17 21:40:19

Thank god you put him in his place angry

If he brings it up again - broken record - she's your mum, why haven't you called her?

NerrSnerr Sat 21-Jan-17 21:43:35

Does he call your mum? I have never called my inlaws in fact I hide in the bath when he Sykes them.

coconutpie Sat 21-Jan-17 21:45:36

YANBU. His mother, his responsibility.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 21-Jan-17 21:46:06

Say you'll call her whenever he calls your mum.

throwingpebbles Sat 21-Jan-17 21:46:21

YANBU. His job! If he can't be bothered then he certainly can't get annoyed with you!!

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