WIBU to ask for your help with my project?!

[notsurehowtodothis]

Apologies, not a very interesting thread or a very good AIBU, but I could use some help....

I'm a SAHM but have just started a short part time study course. I have an assignment I need to write on management psychology, so basically, what are the worst 'corporate jargon' phrases you hear banded about at work (things like 'Let's take this offline,' or 'low-hanging fruit', 'let's push the envelope' etc.) and also, any irritating corporate reports/meetings you had to complete/attend that were actually a total waste of time for all. For example, in my last job, we had a daily 'huddle', which was a cringe and time-wasting 20 minutes talking about what we were 'pumped' for in regard to the day ahead. We also had to complete a weekly report which included a summary of 'why I'm proud of my colleagues this week'.

I'm asking for your help as I only have my personal experiences to go on, so any other insights (oh dear, corporate jargon bingo alert) would be massively helpful - thank you!

[Wigeon]

I'm a civil servant and these are all scarily accurate and used I may even use some of them myself

[Wigeon]

strikeout fail

[notsurehowtodothis]

Oh God Wigeon... I'm having flashbacks....

[cafenoirbiscuit]

Commission a piece of work ie don't address the issues or do anything
Blue sky thinking
Let's stay on-message
Team-building

[EastMidsGPs]

Going forward
Our new team leader is forever going forward

That's when things aren't 'in scope'

[Wigeon]

Were you a civil servant, OP?

[notsurehowtodothis]

Wigeon no, worse, I worked in financial services! But that list is bringing it all back - I think there's a standard office/corporate commonality!!

And OMG EastMids 'in scope' - arrgghh!! I am currently recalling a few months where it seemed every project I worked on was blasted for 'scope-creep.' It is a shuddery phrase!!

[StumblyMonkey]

I'm afraid I don't have bandwidth for that (I'm busy)

Let's take this offline

We need to do X going forward

Has that been actioned?

It's on my radar

We need to do some joined up thinking on this

Let's park that for now

Can you reach out to X?

We need to leverage our assets (or leveraging anything)


Some of these don't bother me too much but what really, really makes me cringe is when people string these together into a sentence that effectively means nothing...

"I think we need to reach out to X, it's critical that we have joined up thinking and really leverage our assets going forward to really get some synergy y'know?"

Um. No. No I don't know. Because you're no longer speaking any sense.

[Beewhisperer]

Even in schools this kind of language is staring to creep in. Last year the newish head teacher made us waste a whole training day 'visioning'. dick

[StumblyMonkey]

In terms of irritating things it has to be:

• The many reports you're asked to do that you are fairly sure no-one ever read after the first month. I have occasionally thrown in a random word like 'Octopus' and if no-one notices take a chance on not doing the report the next month

• When senior managers want to change the 'look and feel' of reports constantly. It still has the same info in but in a slightly different style which gets changed again the next month. Entirely pointless.

[notsurehowtodothis]

Stumbly - I guffawed at 'bandwidth' . 'Leveraging our assets' sounds like something Kim Kardashian might do....

[notsurehowtodothis]

Bee - WTF is visioning!??!!!

[MayhemandMadness01]

Apparently we are currently 'working in silo's' at the moment, bloody cringe everytime they say it.

[dotdash]

Did a management type course when I worked for a car production company.
The main aim was to improve our "spirit of Ford awareness".
Absolute bollocks!

[LadyCallandraDaviot]

Handovers where someone who wasn't in yesterday, relies on rushed notes to tell those of us who were in yesterday what happened yesterday......

Internal meetings to make sure we are all 'on message' before repeating all the same stuff with the client (could just be boss spending 30 seconds reminding us which 'message' we are 'on' not an hour....)

Being asked to attend meetings/write reports about aspects of your job, but not having time to do those tasks because you are always being called in to a meeting.....

[redexpat]

Forward planning. What other kind of planning is there?!

[u123]

Look at Lucy kellaways annual awards for jargon like this. They're great

[TeaAnd0ranges]

When it has to wash its face. I'm hearing the silo one A LOT lately!

[CurlyMango]

Are you on the bus?
Just keep in touch on this one.
Will leave it with you, shout if you need anything......
Now let's think, really think about outcomes.
How can we achieve this with reduced capital?
Let's all sign up and commit to the the team, expressing our involvement.
So, how can you support and what are YOU bring to the table.

[SometimesMyMumComesOutMyMouth]

Perception, it's all about perception

We have buzz sessions (similar to PP 'huddles' by the sounds of it)

Try to foresee the inevitable (thinking about it, it actually makes no sense whatsoever)

[notsurehowtodothis]

Bloody loving these - thank you all!!! these are amazing..... And Buzz sessions! Sounds like something that happens when my husband is away...

[Sparklingbrook]

I worked in banking. A manager was forever saying we were to 'suck it and see' when he was implementing a change we all knew would not work Bleurgh.

[ilovechocolates]

'Touch base' hate it, just hate it

[cafenoirbiscuit]

Transitioning was another favourite manager speak

[AnythingConsidered]

Corporate world...

• Let's take this off-line
  
• bottom this out
  
• lets park that for now
  
• i want to see a top down view
  
• build the process from the bottom up
  
• you're either on the bus or not
  
• if you're on the bus are you sitting in the right seat
  
• are you facing the right direction on the bus
  
• the people who got us here, are not the people to take us there
  
• step changes required change
  
• moving forward
  
• comprehensive review
  

I could go on!