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To actually be really irritated by this male friend now

(119 Posts)
Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 19:46:15

Met him through a mutual friend. Known him a year now.
Whenever im out with friends he makes a massive point of telling me how much he fancies this girl/the waitress/the receptionist/the dancer on stage/any reasonably attractive woman under the age of 35. He does this almost every 5 mins while he's talking to my friends and I.
He also ramps up his flirting with said women directly in front of me throughout the entire evening.

I have now taken to being out of his line of sight where possible to avoid the immature antics.

He does not do this once I'm not where I can see him (reliably informed of this information). Everyone has noticed and commented on it so if he thinks it's going unnoticed he is wrong.

What on earth!!??! I've neither rejected him nor flirted(not intentionally anyway)!!!! I've just been pleasant.

He's single. I'm single. But that doesn't mean I want to jump his bones.

I have come to a conclusion:

He thinks I fancy the pants off him and is very clumsily going about letting me know he's not up for anything. But I'm sure I've never flirted but must have given that impression 😡

I'm quite bubbly and happy which is mistaken for flirting a lot. But still, I've never flirted, teased him or physically touched him so it's unreasonable to be on a mission to show me he's not interested. I never thought he was anyway. AIBU to wish I could smack him and knock his stupid behaviour out of him?

I avoid going to events where he will be now as it's just so irritating. As soon as I arrive he avoids speaking directly to me and if he does he makes smart comments about the things I say and just immediately launches into his 'that girl is so hot' drivel.

It's just irritating. AIBU to wish he'd just grown some maturity and stop?

VanessaBet Sat 21-Jan-17 19:50:12

Can you do the same? So if he's average height and dark haired constantly go on about any tall blond guys? 'Oh he's so gorgeous, I could never fancy someone with brown hair/who wears DMs/football shirts/with a beard' or whatever would apply to him?

Mimicat44 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:50:46

Is he otherwise a great person? Because he sounds really annoying and you've only been friends for a year... I think I'd just stop being friends with him

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 19:52:46

I say 'friend' he's not really a friend. More a friend of a friend that's part of an established friendship group.

I do limit how much time I spend with him.

I don't want to stoop to his level. Once I did say I guy was really hot but not to be petty, just because he was gorgeous.

FilledSoda Sat 21-Jan-17 19:53:14

God he sounds tedious.
I wouldn't bother being friends anymore,

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 19:53:29

He's lovely to everyone else. Really friendly and extroverted.

Everyone else thinks he's great but they have noticed he's off with me.

WellErrr Sat 21-Jan-17 19:53:49

He fancies you and he's showing off.

Moltenpink Sat 21-Jan-17 19:55:47

Sounds like he's trying to make you jealous...

ICanCountToOneHundred Sat 21-Jan-17 19:55:53

I think he fancies you rather than thinking you fancy him. He is trying in a very immature way to make you jealous. A bit school play ground but that is my impression.

Chippednailvarnishing Sat 21-Jan-17 19:56:13

Have you got a single male friend you can pretend is your new bf?

Mind you if he's that immature, I'm willing to bet that he fancies you...

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 19:56:44

Yes very tedious. Unfortunately my group of friends think he's great so he's not going anywhere and I wouldn't want him too. His friends obviously really like him.

VanessaBet Sat 21-Jan-17 19:57:47

Can someone have a quiet word with him? i.e. "Laughing really doesn't fancy you you know, you don't have to labour the point that you're not interested". It does sound massively irritating. Either that or he actually does fancy you and is clumsily attempting to make you jealous by acting like a dick.

VeryBitchyRestingFace Sat 21-Jan-17 19:57:51

He fancies you. He's protesting way too much.

ICanCountToOneHundred Sat 21-Jan-17 19:58:27

I am sure there was a thread similar to this before and it did turn out he fancied the op and they ended up together. The op liked him though and it doesn't sound like you do.

DJBaggySmalls Sat 21-Jan-17 19:59:28

YANBU but his friends are. If they've noticed it, what's their explanation? Its not nice or funny, its really tedious and immature.

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 19:59:39

I suspect (hope) he will get over it soon enough. Although it's been just over a year now I've known him. Nothing has changed.

SwearyGodmother Sat 21-Jan-17 19:59:51

Call him out on it. Ask why he reduces women to their looks when he's speaking to you. It sounds immature and either that he's signalling he's not interested or that he is. Either way it's a bit tragic and I'd be inclined to tell him that.

Trollspoopglitter Sat 21-Jan-17 20:00:11

Get one or two friends on this strategy and do any or all four suggestions randomly/as appropriate

1/ agree with him and encourage him to go pursue whoever he's commenting on

2/ commiserate with him for still not having any luck keeping a girlfriend and suggest mutual friends/online sites or any tips he might want to ask from female perspective. If he suggests he's the one being picky, look concerned and ask if he's maybe considered speaking to someone professional about his commitment issues

3/ turn the conversation around to who else is hot too

4/ which subjects. About latest funny date you've been on.

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 20:00:25

I have absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. He's quite a bit younger than me and far too immature for me to even consider him.

picklemepopcorn Sat 21-Jan-17 20:00:53

He fancies you, and is trying to mask it.

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 20:03:31

Maybe I'm wrong. But if a guy fancies a woman he will pursue her. He's never once made any attempt to ask me on a date or even hang out with me.

So I would be surprised if it's that.

Laughinggoittloud Sat 21-Jan-17 20:11:46

How do I know if he's trying to make me jealous or if he's trying to let me know he's not interested?

I've never had this situation before. It's so annoying. I've managed to deal with it though by just not being around him much. Once I get a boyfriend it should be okay. I need to find one! 😂

Bushymuffmum Sat 21-Jan-17 20:12:03

I think maybe you fancy him op? Otherwise why get so worked up and continue to allow him to annoy you?! (If u really don't, just stop seeing him and then u don't need to deal with it) - simple.

MrDacresEUSubsidy Sat 21-Jan-17 20:13:02

Not all guys will actively 'pursue' in an obvious manner - people can be shy, fear rejection etc.

Sounds to me like he fancies you. It's the adult equivalent of pulling your hair and then running off to the other side of the playground. He's pointing out these other women in a clumsy attempt to get your attention - and probably to try and get you to 'compete'. By that I mean that when he points out an attractive girl, then in his head what he wants you to do is think 'I'm way hotter than her' and start ramping up your flirting etc. This way it gives him a clear signal that you are interested.

If you aren't interested in him, then I would advise having a quiet word with a trustworthy friend who would be willing to start dropping some hints into the general conversation with him about his behaviour around you and the fact that it's odd, inappropriate etc.

Bushymuffmum Sat 21-Jan-17 20:13:19

Or come out as a lesbian. That'll shut him up.

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