To not want to change jobs now(10 Posts)
Just need some advice and experience of people who've managed this situation please. I've been working for about 5 years with a non profit organisation. My job pays decently and I get quite a bit of flexibility having worked long enough and having demonstrated my skills and dedication. The flexibility is quite important as I work full time with a 20 month DC who goes to a nursery full time. Neither me or DH have family here so one of us takes time off to deal with emergencies. My boss has been always understanding and accommodating with working from home or taking time off to care for DC while off sick and I make sure work doesn't suffer. I know I can probably earn much better if I were to work for a different company but can't guarantee family friendly policies. We do plan to have TTC no2 soon. Now DH has been insisting I look for a better paying job so we can afford to live in a nicer area and afford other things for DC and also he feels I have potential for a better role. I do feel bored at work sometimes but feel grateful for having the flexibility for DC. We've had a few arguments as I feel I don't want to change careers with young DCs as I may not get an option to reduce hours with a new employer. He doesn't understand how hard it can be to get a decent employer. I want to put it off until DC are older but he feels it'll be too late. I'm ambitious but want to spend as much time as possible with DC. I feel guilty about working full time as is but worried won't get the same flexibility ina higher paying new job. AIBU to not want to look for a new job?
How flexible is his employer to having emergency time of and accommodating him having a small dc?
I would tell dh that you will happily move jobs and lose the flexibility but he will need to step up and fill that gap.
What would his answer to that be?
As for someone else telling me I need to earn more to fund a better house for them - I'd tell them to think again
Company gives dependants and emergency leave plus manager has allowed me to start and leave early or work from home when I need, no questions asked as long work gets done well.
Sorry, his job isn't that flexible, it's quite demanding and target driven so can't afford to take it easy there . He gets work from home sometimes but can't always take time off work for illness.
Agree, ask your dh if he is prepared to cover all the times they are ill, when you have 2. He clearly has not a clue.
My 2 were hardly ever ill, and because I worked part time, I only ever took 2 days in 5 years, but must people I know had quite a few more. A lot more than I needed to.
Your dh is deluded.
Tell him to do one. Happiness and decent treatment at work is something money can't buy.
He's being an idiot. What would happen if you got this excellent well paid job and were sacked because you kept taking time off for DC's?
A few more years in the same job is hardly career ending!
Try opening up the discussion with DH. There's probably something else bothering him. Because on the face of it it's a bit mad suggesting you get a less flexible job. Especially if his job is not flexible so he couldn't do work from home or change start/end times in case DCS are ill etc. Assuming you can get him at a time when he's least stresssed, try asking him what's brought this up and listen without saying much. I bet it's not really about the reasons he's given so far. Not in an ominous way, just from experience, it's easier for a DH to say "you need to earn more" than "I feel stressed with the burden of being the main earner". Life gets busy and it's easy to end up not properly speaking to our partners for months on end! Try and open up the communication over a number of days and reconnect a bit.
My DC isn't even here yet and I'm having the same issue. I currently work for a charity and they have a family friendly policy and have already agreed to me going four days a week.
I originally wanted to look elsewhere whilst on mat leave because I know I could be earning a good £10k more a year but a thread on here the other day (how do working mums cope) has made me reevaluate my plans.
By all means, you could look for something better paid but without the flexibility but without your DH's support, you'll be taking on the picking up, dropping off, sick days etc...and will have to do all this with the guilt of thinking you're failing at your new job.
For now, professional fulfilment is the sacrifice that I am prepared to make to ensure the easiest, happiest, most flexible few years whilst we both get our heads around being working parents.
I agree ilovesooty. It's not his decision OP.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.