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Or are these engagement announcements a little odd?

(9 Posts)
user1484954966 Fri 20-Jan-17 23:40:53

I'm at that age when everyone is getting engaged. Every week it seems like another couple are announcing their engagement on Facebook. Most of these announcements are very sweet but every so often I will see one that says "Guess he finally got tired of our family asking when he would do it", "Took him long enough" or "Guess he ran out of excuses for not doing it". These tend to be the same women who are always posting "funny" comments about how useless their partners are.

I know every relationship is different, but it would never have even crossed my mind to write something like that when I got engaged. It just seems like using what should be a very happy moment to take a passive aggressive dig at your partner. Am I just missing the joke?

CalamityKit Fri 20-Jan-17 23:54:41

Some couples just have that dynamic,and if you don't, you will never "get" it. Same as couples who call each other "fatso" and "stinker" as pet names I suppose.

I don't get either of those things but it's not my relationship so I don't worry about it.

Unless (and I'm sure this is less common than the joking scenario) it's a situation like my old coworker. She made no secret of the fact she was desperate to be engaged, but she wouldn't ask him, despite being pretty sure he would say yes. She dropped hint after hint, and when that didn't work she stropped and threatened to leave him if he didn't propose by a certain date. Eventually he did and she posted a similar announcement, with the jokey tone about him "finally" asking (they had only been together 2 years) but it was so awkward because everyone knew she'd pushed him into it. I think they split up not long afterwards.

GreatFuckability Sat 21-Jan-17 00:00:15

It's a joke. Some people just have that kind of dynamic. My partner and I are always being rude to each other, its just our way. It doesn't make it wrong. As long as both people are aware and ok

IMissGrannyW Sat 21-Jan-17 00:08:49

Here's me showing how much older than you I am, OP.

One of my pet hates is at the 20 years of marriage one of the couple (always the man!) saying "you'd serve less time for a life sentence". Completely horrible!

I have NO issue at all with couples taking the piss out of one another and putting each other down privately (i.e. making foibles into private jokes), but PA comments suggesting you don't actually like each other... Vile. Either work on your relationship and make it better between you, or cut your losses and move on. Unhappy relationships are sad. Sad for the people involved and for those close to them. We're only here for such a short time.

user1484954966 Sat 21-Jan-17 00:19:27

IMissGrannyW Yes, I think it's the public nature of it that throws me off. My DH and I tease each other all the time but we present a united front in public.

CalamityKit You are probably right that more often than not it's just a joke. This most recent one in particular though is like you described. She's hounded every partner about marriage, even getting family members involved. The announcement included a photo of only herself wearing the ring, no DF in sight. confused

Aspiringcatlady Sat 21-Jan-17 00:30:59

My partner and I got engaged after 4 years of dating. I personally messaged everyone friends/family before putting it on facebook for others to see (it annoys me more when you find out someone close to you my sister is engaged via Facebook then in person/through a personal message/phone call) anyway, going off point here. And I put something along the lines of "myself and aspiringcatman are happy to announce we are engaged" and so many people commented "about time" "finally" "I was bored of waiting" I felt sorry that he had felt pushed into it because people did make comments.
And as for the teasing/general rudeness/ banter.. I am really bad for this. We got married in the summer and people say
"So hows married life" and me or DH usually respond with "well she/he is still alive so all good" we do have a very morbid sense of humour blush

Aspiringcatlady Sat 21-Jan-17 00:35:17

I feel like I totally went off point here, it has been a long day, but I do see your point OP it can seem a little odd and possibly forced (which was where I was going with my post, sort of) when people put things like that. But my other point (which I was trying to get at) is that some people do just have some good banter with their partner!

plimsolls Sat 21-Jan-17 00:35:54

I always see them as a type of joke driven by false modesty/self consciousness about showing off on Facebook. So, playing down it down a bit.

Sometimes it just comes across as horrifically smug like "we are such a secure and loved up couple that I can make jokes in public about him being pressured into this engagement because it's obviously so far from the truth and he absolutely adores me" etc etc

MargaretCavendish Sat 21-Jan-17 09:23:22

I really feel like this is just a 'horses for courses' thing, not some huge indicator of secret problems. Personally it's the 'love my amazing man!!!!!!' posts that always make me think 'yup, they're completely miserable'.

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