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Not complaining about MIL. WIBU to be honest with her?

(7 Posts)
LovelyBranches Fri 20-Jan-17 21:59:52

We are due a baby girl in the next few weeks and have been getting things ready for her. As we already have a DS we already have the big pieces of kit so have splashed out on a couple of bigger things we couldn't justify/afford first time around (like a cosleeping crib instead of the rocking crib that DS never went in).

My mother asked if she could buy something for the baby and I asked if she wouldn't mind helping us out with practical items like nappies and wipes.

MIL however is a bit different. I get that she is excited and we are lucky to have loving families who want to help out but we've been trying to tell her for a while, please don't buy any clothes because we already have a lot of lovely clothes left over from DS and also her taste is very different. She likes all pink, frilly things with logo's about princesses etc which I wouldn't buy personally. She also works in a shop and gets clothes in the clearance (nothing wrong with that) but tends to buy inappropriate things. She bought my son a t shirt with a logo about him being bad like grandad. My DF is dead and I got a bit upset because it was yet another reminder of the grandson he'd never see. She also buys things like a Santa/elf costume which would only fit DS if he were 6 months older/younger. I have tried hiding things in the back of the wardrobe or saying they don't fit but she asks us to dress DS in 'her' clothes when we visit (every week/fortnight) so I don't feel like I have many options.

MIL has now told us that she's coming to see us over the weekend and DH has just told me that she's bringing the clothes she has bought. I thought that because we've been telling her for such a long time that she may have listened and not bought things but it seems not.

What is the reasonable form of action here? Is it just politely accept and dress my baby up as a pink princess or WIBU to say that I would prefer to choose my own clothes for my children.

228agreenend Fri 20-Jan-17 22:01:53

Politely accept, and put on the least garish outfit when she's around.

ollieplimsoles Fri 20-Jan-17 22:07:04

Politely accept but I'm sorry she cannot dictate what you dress your daughter in.

My mil is the same, she likes pink and frilly, but I don't like putting my DD in dresses because she has short legs (like me) and is very active so she trips up on them when trying to crawl.

The only thing she is doing wring here is wasting her money and asking you to put her in the clothes- she's a person not a doll! Its also quite selfish of her to buy the baby things only she likes.

Just dress her in what you like and have some excuses ready when you go round:
"oh she was wearing that but she sicked on it and we had to change her" etc. She will soon get the message.

Your dh could also have a word - tell her in a nice way that you don't have the space for it all?

Congratulations op I hope it all goes well, and you will love using a co sleeper cot- best thing we bought by far.

cunningartificer Fri 20-Jan-17 22:09:33

For once a fortnight, I would dress up. Take pictures in clothes mil likes and give her copies nicely framed. Thank her for her kindness. If you don't need her clothes it doesn't hurt that they're not your taste--you can dress your dd as you like almost all the time and soon enough she'll express her own opinions about clothes. I had a similar problem and after some frilly clothes mil got used to dd's own taste for clothes you could crawl in. Trust me, not worth getting into strife with an otherwise nice and well intentioned mil 😀

LovelyBranches Fri 20-Jan-17 22:10:07

I feel really guilty wasting her money by not dressing the baby in the things she buys but she doesn't seem to listen. Wouldn't it be worth it in the long run to be a bit more honest?

LovelyBranches Fri 20-Jan-17 22:13:27

Thank you Ollieplimsoles, a cosleeper was my biggest wish item after having an emergency c section last time, It's starting to look like another c section this time so hopefully it'll be well worth it.

celeryisnotasuperfood Fri 20-Jan-17 22:18:12

Assuming the clothes are bought new and still have tags then they can be returned and swapped for something more to your taste - which is what I do with the oceans of pink that turn up at christmas and birthdays...
(Invariably I find its now in the sale and only about £3, but I would still rather have 1 item I like and will actually use rather than loads of frilly pink dresses!)

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