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AIBU - daughter's messy room (with pics)

(304 Posts)
mrsm43s Fri 20-Jan-17 09:48:42

So my daughter is 12, and her room is always messy. It drives me bonkers, and I'm constantly biting my tongue about it!

So, at 12 what is reasonable? I generally just shut the door to her room and walk on past, because the mess bothers me. Consequently the floor is rarely hoovered and the room rarely cleaned. She also loses/damages (her own) possessions as a result of the mess (e.g. losing one glove, facewash spilt on a book, accidentally sits on and snaps ruler etc). When this happens she either goes without, or replaces items with her own money.

She's not allowed food or drink in her room (apart from water bottle) because of the mess.

Her floor is generally clear in the middle, but mess and clutter round the edges of the room and on every surface, bed rarely made, and often has stuff (books, clothes etc) in it. She'll empty the bin or go and get washing when prompted and will strip and change the bed when asked. She'll shuffle round and tidy up a bit if pressed, but honestly not to what I would consider an acceptable standard.

Her room is a good size 13'x11' although the clutter makes it look small. Her brother is in the 6' x 6' box room by luck of birth order. His room is cluttered, but kept tidier than his sister's.

She's a great girl, polite, well behaved, achieving highly at school. She's busy with lots of extra curriculars and puts loads of effort into her school work. Do I let this slide? Is this level of mess acceptable for a 12 year old? I appreciate it could be far worse!

PatMullins Fri 20-Jan-17 09:49:42

Oh wow, you should have seen my room at 12 grin

FizzBombBathTime Fri 20-Jan-17 09:50:19

That's messy? confused

BlackeyedSusan Fri 20-Jan-17 09:50:25

you can see the carpet.

it is bloody brilliant for a 12 year old. lighten up.

Teacakequeen Fri 20-Jan-17 09:50:46

Looks fine to me

ItchyFoot Fri 20-Jan-17 09:50:53

Is that how her room usually looks? It's cleaner than mine! Seriously though mine was way worse at that age.

AgentProvocateur Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:18

I wouldn't even call that a messy room, TBH. Re-read your last paragraph. She sounds like a great child, so chill about HER room

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:20

Dear God if this is messy to you, I think you would pass out if you saw a pic of my 13 year old ds room

I just close the door and creep away

Seeline Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:24

That is not messy confused

winefortea Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:31

Erm...that's quite tidy compared to some I've seen! grin

FrankAndBeans Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:38

Lighten up, that's not messy.

EIsbethTascioni Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:40


(You were joking, right?)

timeforabrewnow Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:50

Yes - let it slide.

That is not messy. Really

JaxingJump Fri 20-Jan-17 09:51:52

I agree, it's looking pretty good! You might have bigger battles to pick or maybe this is the important one to you. It's up to you to decide.

Eevee77 Fri 20-Jan-17 09:52:50

There is nothing wrong with that room for a 12 year old. It's a little untidy but that's all. I get you OP, I like things tidy and if my DS's room is like that I straighten it up but he is far younger than your DD. At 12 it's their job and I actually think that room is good for a 12 year old! I'd tell her to hoover and open windows regularly but apart from that, based on your pics, I'd leave her to it.

Enb76 Fri 20-Jan-17 09:53:17

I'd say that was pretty tidy - she could probably pick up the paper and then it would be totally tidy. You have high standards. I can barely see floor in my child's room.

Abrahamkin Fri 20-Jan-17 09:53:25

Ha! I'm glad you didn't see my room when I was growing up :D. I thought you were going to say that is how it looks after she has tidied up.

Brightsmoke Fri 20-Jan-17 09:53:30

When I was a child, I would have been your nightmare OP!! Honestly, I think this level of 'messy room' is totally acceptable. There's hardly any clutter! I think you may be being a bit OTT. At 12 however, she can quite easily be hovering her own room. Maybe set aside a morning on the weekend where she has to put away things and hoover/dust her room?

abigamarone Fri 20-Jan-17 09:53:57

Woeful attempt at a messy room, there's nothing hanging from the music stand for a start. And not nearly enough clothing on the floor.

LucyLocketLostHerPocket Fri 20-Jan-17 09:54:20

Lol I'd be ecstatic with that!

Minimincepies Fri 20-Jan-17 09:54:32

At that age sometimes my room would be so messy you could barely tell where the floor, bed or desk were... once I had to sleep on my window seat because there was so much clutter on my bed. If it's any consolation, when I went to uni at 18 I became a neat freak and I'm still very tidy now, so she might grow out of it.

mrsm43s Fri 20-Jan-17 09:54:33

But there's dirty pants on the floor! And she can't really use her desk as its covered in clutter! And things get lost and broken!

But yes, I had a feeling that I need to let this go. It's managing that transition between little girl who I'd tidy up after and letting her manage her own life. She is a great girl. I'll keep biting my tongue!

user1484317265 Fri 20-Jan-17 09:54:37

I think you put the wrong pictures up, that is not a messy room!

OwlinaTree Fri 20-Jan-17 09:54:53

I'd let it go tbh. You could ask her if she wants help to really sort it out and get things organised in there, then do it together over a weekend, clean it etc, get more storage if that's an issue for her. Then leave her to it. I was horrendously messy at that age, she'll either grow out of it or she won't!

YouTheCat Fri 20-Jan-17 09:55:13

You can see the floor and everything!

No way would I take pictures of my dd's room and put it on the internet for scrutiny.

How would you like it if someone did that to you? What if someone took a photo of your understairs cupboard and said it was a mess?

It's her room. Let her have it as she likes.

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