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DH ignores me every evening.

(82 Posts)
yellowflags Thu 19-Jan-17 21:55:06

DH comes home from work at 7.30, makes himself some food, and then watches the iPad with his headphones in all evening. He lies across the sofa so there's nowhere for me to sit. He likes to have the lights off so I can't sit in there and read. There is nowhere else to sit in our house apart from the hall (ktichen is tiny, DC sleeping in our room).

I feel so sad and miserable that I spend most evenings standing in the kitchen, comfort eating, reading mumsnet. When I try to talk to him he sighs, takes his headphones out but never takes his eyes off the screen. Every so often he pesters me for sex.

AIBU or is he really fucking mean?

gamerchick Thu 19-Jan-17 21:57:19

Turn the lights on and sit on his legs.

Seriously man, why go into the kitchen, you love there as well confused

SavageBeauty73 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:58:04

Just tell him to fucking budge up on the sofa! That's insane. Turn the lights on.

yellowflags Thu 19-Jan-17 21:58:16

I know. It's ridiculous. I don't feel like this is my home. All I ever do is tidy up after the people who live here.

AMillionMilesFromThere Thu 19-Jan-17 21:58:26

That is awful op.

You need to deal with this instead of hiding in the kitchen. Where the hell does he think you are while you're doing this?????

Shylo Thu 19-Jan-17 21:59:16

You are just as important as him, put the lights on and shift his legs for a start. He is being very mean, don't allow him to treat you like that OP

yellowflags Thu 19-Jan-17 21:59:26

He acts like I've poisoned him if I turn the lights on and I'm not allowed to sit on the sofa because he's got a bad back and apparently this is the only way be can be comfortable. (We bought a special armchair for his back but he doesn't like it).

AMillionMilesFromThere Thu 19-Jan-17 21:59:31

And he definitely would not be getting any action from me with this kind of behaviour.

Arsehole.

MrsDustyBusty Thu 19-Jan-17 21:59:54

Why is he the only one getting a say? Get yourself in there, turn on the lights and buy yourself a nice chair tomorrow.

user1470041360 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:00:55

Leave him. He sounds like a twat

yellowflags Thu 19-Jan-17 22:01:05

No, he certainly doesn't get any action! He doesn't seem to understand how fucking horrible it is to be treated like this. I actually look forward to it when he goes to the loo.

edwinbear Thu 19-Jan-17 22:02:03

Tell him to go and lie down in your bedroom with the lights off instead of taking over the living room.

Tanfastic Thu 19-Jan-17 22:02:26

Next time he goes to the loo, turn the lights on, make yourself comfy on the sofa and ignore him all night whilst mumsnetting.

What a selfish arsehole.

yellowflags Thu 19-Jan-17 22:02:59

That is a great idea edwin, I don't know why I didn't think of that!

HopefulHamster Thu 19-Jan-17 22:03:29

Definitely buy yourself a chair and put the lights on! You are an equal!!

ChasedByBees Thu 19-Jan-17 22:03:39

He sounds HORRIBLE

Backt0Black Thu 19-Jan-17 22:04:07

OP - I really hope you know enough to know you are not BU.

If he can't be bothered to interact with you, and is so rude... to the point he almost sounds exasperated theres little point in being together.

He gets to choose whether there is light and whether youre allowed on the sofa confused shock

Reclaim your living room, turn on the lights, tell him to move OFF THE FUCKING SOFA and stop treating you like a dog.

Hidingtonothing Thu 19-Jan-17 22:04:09

How long has this been going on OP? What would he say if you pointed out that you have nowhere to sit and that he's preventing you from doing what you like to do to relax by insisting on the light being off? PP's are right, you need to stand up for yourself but I have to ask, why are you with someone who has so little concern for your comfort or happiness?

therealpippi Thu 19-Jan-17 22:04:27

My xh used to do that. We had other places I could sit but that is not quite the point.
Like you I felt this wasn't my home. There was never a proper relax time and certainlt never with him.
A few years down the line, he has his own pad where he can plug himself to the tv and I can enjoy my space and my evenings. I love it.

There are two issues: one is the fact that he does not engage with you and does not consider spending time with you as good relaxing time. The second that he monopolises the house and, frankly, he doesn't give a shit about your needs.

lifetothefull Thu 19-Jan-17 22:05:03

That sounds very unpleasant. You shouldn't have to feel like you have nowhere to sit in your own house. Find a time to talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel.

Lazyafternoon Thu 19-Jan-17 22:05:41

You need to do something! Turn the lights on, turn the TV on and sit on YOUR sofa!!! Personally I'd have it out with him, if my DH did that. I'd tell him to take his ear phones out and look at you. You've had enough and it's your house too!

You've got to build up the courage and tell him he needs to buck up his ideas as his behaviour is getting you down.

wifeyhun Thu 19-Jan-17 22:07:01

Sit on top of his bloody legs.

Go and get yourself comfy on the sofa.

You deserve better yellow flowers flowers

acquiescence Thu 19-Jan-17 22:07:36

Sounds awful. Do you like each other? Do you have a nice time at the weekend etc?

Another suggestion , get a fire stick, Apple TV or similar so you can watch programmes together. Put some cushions in the floor to sit on.

user1477282676 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:07:38

He's bullying you! My DH likes the lights off but we compromise. Sometimes they're off and sometimes they're on.

Is there only a sofa? Get a lamp and a chair and tell him to fuck off. Seriously...stand up for yourself! Let him act like you've poisoned him! Who cares!? He doesn't!

PBbolshy Thu 19-Jan-17 22:08:07

Fart on his face and he'll soon shift! Then sit smugly on the sofa and enjoy!

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