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AIBU to be angry with my managers indiscretion?

(10 Posts)
PregnantAndPissed Thu 19-Jan-17 21:39:57

So, I'm pregnant. Yay! I told three people at work, line manager through to director, because I work in an environment that could be damaging. Also I've been diagnosed with hyperemesis so have been off a bit. I told them that it was still early days, 7 weeks at the time, and that I wasn't telling people yet. Which I think is pretty common. However I have found out that while I was off sick one of the managers started telling people I was pregnant and have come back to everyone knowing. Worse, now everyone knows people seem happy to continue passing it on without checking I'm ok with it. I've seen it mentioned in a couple of emails I'm copied in to. Please tell me I'm not being over sensitive and that I'm right to be upset about this. What do I do now though? Is it worth going to HR? Is it going to achieve anything?

dollydaydream114 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:59:31

They should only have told people who need to know, which would usually be your manager (who would reasonably be expected to tell their own manager too, if they have one) and probably HR.

They shouldn't be telling anyone other than that - the rest of your team shouldn't know until you are ready to tell them. If they need to tell the rest of the team why you're off sick, they should just be saying you're unwell with no more detail than that.

So yes, you're right to be pissed off; it shouldn't have happened. I don't think there's much that can be done now to put it right, but I think I would be inclined to drop a polite, calm email to HR explaining that the news of your pregnancy has been shared without your permission and you would rather that hadn't happened at the early stage in your pregnancy, and could HR perhaps remind managers of their responsibility not share personal information about their team members with anyone else. It's a bit late for your situation, obviously, but at least they'll know better for next time someone in their team is having a baby.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way! And I hope you get some relief from your hyperemesis soon; you must feel wrung out at the moment.

GetOrfMyBin Thu 19-Jan-17 22:09:11


It's got nothing to do with anyone else, surely only your manager and HR need to know - maybe raise it with HR.

My manager is shite at holding his own water and had disclosed things about other employees that he shouldn't have - he's also told a new starter why a previous employee had to leave. New employee didn't know old employee, there was no reason to share this information. My husband is unwell and I know that manager has shared this info with other colleagues. I have been quite open about his illness, as I reduced my working hours due to home situation, but it's still no-one else's business and manager shouldn't have shared this info. I dither about going to HR and having a word as it would make my life more difficult.

I hope you're feeling better soon OP flowers

GetOrfMyBin Thu 19-Jan-17 22:09:37

Sorry, forgot to add congratulations!

SingaSong12 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:18:23

Definitely shouldn't have disclosed. In fact I think the behaviour of the other staff confirms that. They probably think that if manager has now told them you are happy with the fact you are pregnant being public knowledge. (Hence not asking if you mind it being passed on.) as a colleague if the pregnant colleague told me they were pregnant I wouldn't pass that on without permission. If a manager is making it generally known I would think it was ok to discuss.

I doubt that going to HR will make a difference this time. However if your manager has done this before (to you or anyone else) then you might want to report in case they feel that they can be public with other information.

MrDacresEUSubsidy Thu 19-Jan-17 22:21:33

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Email your manager and cc HR. Keep it short but professional.

I'm writing to let you know how disappointed and upset I am that my personal medical information has been shared without my consent. I specifically said that I was not sharing news of my pregnancy because it is in the very early stages. The only reason I notified you at this stage, was because of health and safety obligations relating to the management of potentially hazardous working conditions - I did not give you permission to share this information. I would like assurances from you that you will respect my right to confidentiality.

BarbarianMum Thu 19-Jan-17 22:34:47

It shouldn't have been shared but it is possible people guessed

edwinbear Thu 19-Jan-17 22:42:46

OP he was bang out of order sharing this information. However, personally I would be careful about complaining to HR, on the basis that presumably you will want to keep him on side whilst you are on mat leave and (if you plan to go back) on your return. If you intend asking to go part time or flexible working, he is likely to be far more amenable if you haven't dropped him in it with HR. Likewise in terms of keeping your role open for you to go back to if that's what you plan to do.

ailPartout Fri 20-Jan-17 08:09:21

I wish MrDacres was right but, as Edwin said, you want them onside.

I think I'd have an informal 'word' about it and no more. I'd be (more) annoyed if I didn't get an informal 'sorry'.

Bluntness100 Fri 20-Jan-17 08:11:47

I think the damage is done now. Once it's out there it's out there, complaining serves no purpose. I'd have a quiet word and tell him it's best not to share these things to try and prevent it happening to others.

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