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Tired, lazy or depressed? AIBU to feel upset at my friend's comment?

(57 Posts)
PlayNoBill Thu 19-Jan-17 21:26:09

At a baby group the other day my DS 13 month old got a play dough cutter and put it in his mouth. I was sat down with a cuppa the other side of the table observing him chatting to a couple of other mums. There was another mum at the play dough table with her child and I called to her to tell her with the hopes she would just flick it out of his mouth. One of the mums I was with said "You do it lazy!" at me and I did.

When I sat down again I made my excuses, something along the lines of bad night's sleep, only just sat down with cuppa and I was feeling very tired. She said she didn't really mean anything by it and said she 'understood', but ever since then has teased me for being 'lazy'.

It has really troubled me ever since. I think I do have a tendency to steer towards being lazy but with 2 kids, working part time, all the shopping, cleaning, cooking and childcare I rarely get the chance to be lazy! I am also breastfeeding the my son and co sleeping with him and his 6yo sister, so a getting a good night's sleep is non-existent!

Am I being unreasonable to get upset at such a comment or just overly sensitive because I'm tired? I often wonder if there wasn't so much to do, would I just want to sit and stare at a wall in a darkened room and not move for hours?!

DearMrDilkington Thu 19-Jan-17 21:29:14

Baby groups aren't meant to be used as childcare so you can have a sit down while another mum watches your child!

3boys3dogshelp Thu 19-Jan-17 21:31:37

Sorry but that does sound a bit lazy.

HarryPottersMagicWand Thu 19-Jan-17 21:32:52

Bit of both. Ok, her one off comment was a bit accurate tbh, not another parents responsibility to take a toy out of your child's mouth, but to then go on about it and tease you, nope, she needs to shut the fuck up. I'd be giving her a list of all the things you had done in the last few days, work, breast feed, up x times, clean, cook, run around after toddler and ask her if she still thought you were being lazy, in a slightly cool tone to let her know that you aren't that happy with her harping on about it.

On the other hand, it seems odd that she is repeatedly calling you lazy just for this one thing, are there other times you have demonstrated it? Given that you admit you can be lazy?

MatildaTheCat Thu 19-Jan-17 21:33:07

It probably hurt because you know there is a grain of truth and you should have been on it yourself.

However,mint was a very small incident and your life does sound tiring. I would work on the sleep situation rather than beat yourself up.

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers Thu 19-Jan-17 21:33:11

You are being over sensitive.

It pissed me off at baby and toddler groups when other parents expected me to look after their kids as well as my own.

Hope you manage to get some sleep soon.

Tootsiepops Thu 19-Jan-17 21:35:09

No one could accuse you of being lazy with everything you've got on!

Had another mum shouted to me to take something out of their kid's mouth, I'd have done it without batting an eyelid.

theothercatpurred Thu 19-Jan-17 21:36:05

You sound overwhelmed OP. Sleep deprivation is so tough, isn't it.

I'm afraid I don't have any advice otyer than solidarity. Don't let a throwaway comment get you down - or the holier than though brigade on here either.

Tescotwister Thu 19-Jan-17 21:39:56

So another mum was nearer and you just called her to hope she'd take the thing out of his mouth? Hardly chasing around after your kid and seems perfectly reasonable.
The commenter needn't have kept joking about to, especially if she'd apologised.

EmbarrassingBaddie Thu 19-Jan-17 21:41:00

Would you have happily done the same for someone else? If so, I don't think you can be called lazy.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder Thu 19-Jan-17 21:42:11

I'm a bit torn on this, I guess it depends how well you know the other mums.

I think it might be a bit of a stretch to use tiredness as an excuse because presumably at a toddler group the vast majority of people are in the same boat with similar workloads to you.

I do quite a lot of baby groups with a couple of friends who I've known forever who've happened to have babies at the same time. If one of them shouted "can you just grab that toy out of DC's mouth for me?" I'd do it without a second thought. But maybe if it was another mum I didn't really know I'd think we'll they're your child, I'm not here to watch them and I'd rather be sat at the side having a brew as well to be honest. But I'd still take the toy away and I wouldn't call someone lazy, that was pretty rude.

clumsyduck Thu 19-Jan-17 21:45:17

If you knew the other mum then I think it's fine . I have a group of close girl friends and we all have Dc would and do happily help each other with things like this

bunnylove99 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:47:35

OP. I think you are just being a little over sensitive. You were only asking the other mum to do a tiny favour, I don't think that makes you a lazy mum at all and I bet she was just having a joke about it. You are tired and that might make you a bit touchy. Go easy on yourseld, put it out of your mind and move on.

Ohyesiam Thu 19-Jan-17 21:54:39

You sound tired to me, and a bit over whelmed, which sounds like a really reasonable response to your circumstances.
I can't think of a circumstance when lazy is not used pejoratively, which means it says lots more about the person who said it than about you.

cochineal7 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:55:16

I don't think it is lazy to ask another mum who is next to your child to remove a sharp object from that child, when you are on the other side of the room and may not be there fast enough to prevent a painful experience. No - a baby group is not free childcare, but it is also a place for parents/carers to socialise a little while looking after their children. Yes, you are primarily responsible for your own, but there surely is some shared /collective reponsability to at least prevent accidents for other children or help each other in situations like this. I would have gladly helped you and your child in a situation you describe, as the mother in question also did (and I note she was not the one complaining about you being lazy!). But it is a give and take, and if you have a history of just chatting and generally expecting other mums to look after your child, it is a different story. But you will know yourself if that is the case or not.

Glamorousglitter Thu 19-Jan-17 21:56:16

God who goes to a play group and hovers over their child constantly! If my pa had nodded to me about her kids putting a cookie cutter in their mouth I would have taken the nod and removed it from the child. Now if the friend was the one who always goes to play group and ignores her kid while everyone else runs around trying to stop them eating cookie cutters / taking other kids toys I might have pretended I didn't take the hint .... not sure I d have the balls to call her outright lazy!
OTOH It ain't easy bf and co sleeping and all that so if I knew that I might cut you some slack.....

user1477282676 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:02:06

I have a pet hate of people calling out to me to do things...even if they ask nicely.

If you've noticed something needs doing, then do it....I've told my children that if they call "Muuuuuuum!" across the house then I will ignore.

LanaorAna1 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:06:31

She's probably trying to be friendly in a klutzy way.

No one lazy bothers about it - too idle to care.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Thu 19-Jan-17 22:21:44

It wasn't really tactful of her to call you lazy, and it's definitely not on that she continues to do so.

Having a one off bad judgment doesn't entitle her to be a dick to you.

yummymummycleo Thu 19-Jan-17 22:23:14

I think you should have got it out your own child's mouth no matter how tired you are. It's not the other mums responsibility to watch your child. With something major like that I would have been straight over and I am quite a lax mum in general I think.

I can see why it's upset you though. I remember when ds was at the learning to walk stage and I was at a toddler group with a friend and her ds. Ds was tottering around and fell over on his bottom onto a soft carpet. He started to cry and I carried on chatting to my friend but was watching him. My friend was like oh ** has just fallen over, you don't care do you! I didn't answer her but really wished I had. It upset me abit as she implied I didn't care about ds and was being lazy but to me he had landed on his bottom on a soft carpet from a very low height and was unhurt. I didn't feel like he needed me to rush over to him, I could see he was unhurt even though he was crying . He stopped pretty quickly though and knew I was there if he wanted a cuddle. We had very different parenting techniques as she was a parent who very much hoovered at every movement and would pick up or cuddle her ds at the slightest cry. You do have to learn people have different approaches and develop a thicker skin. In your case you probably should have removed it from your dcs mouth yourself though

RB68 Thu 19-Jan-17 22:32:09

a plastic playdough cutter is hardly major come on. They are designed to be used by such children and be safe for them.

Good friends then yes shout over, not then maybe I wouldn't but I also wouldn't have been so far away either

picklemepopcorn Thu 19-Jan-17 22:43:07

Some people are much more bothered than others by the word lazy. She may think it's just a light comment on you saving a bit of energy, and not really an insult.

SpringerS Thu 19-Jan-17 23:03:11

Baby groups aren't meant to be used as childcare so you can have a sit down while another mum watches your child!

I don't think I'd want to go to a playgroup where everyone didn't all row in together and help each other out every now and then. Playgroups are meant to foster community among the people who attend them, a substitute for the 'village' atmosphere that existed for past generations, where parents help each other and all look out for each other's kids. I say this as the mother of an only child who is one of the oldest kids in our playgroups, which means I tend to give more help than I get.

downwardfacingdog Fri 20-Jan-17 00:11:26

I think some pps are being harsh. You were watching your child you just asked someone nearer to help you out for a second. I would tell the other mum to stop teasing me about being lazy as it's getting annoying now.flowers

IMissGrannyW Fri 20-Jan-17 00:23:06

OMG - the one-up-manship.

It's so crap.

The parents with children who swim win... they have to be at the pool at like 3am 17 mornings a week. They are the best parents (obvs).

Parents who's kids are gifted come in second, as little Jocasta has to be in York to play his basoon on Monday, in London for the Harp on Wednesday and in the Shetlands for the banjo at the weekend. But Jocasta in line to ace at the SATs, so it'll be fine.

Ballet seems to demand a LOT of discipline.

And every single other parent on the planet is a selfish cunt who should never had had children in the first place.

But we don't judge on MN.

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