to ask what your children's worst toddler trantrums were, and how you dealt with it?(77 Posts)
DD is our pfb, she's nearly 15 months and has always been quite a loud, demanded and spirited little blighter.
Lately she has started throwing herself on the floor when her toys wont do what she wants, snatching, screaming and pointing at things and generally being very short tempered.
I think we are on the way to some tantrums but I have no idea of the best way to handle things, I have anxiety and would probably get very flustered in public. I watch the mums of the older kids at play groups deal with their kids to get some ideas, but I really want to know if anyone can remember a particularly bad tantrum, and how they dealt with it?
I am going through this for the second time now.
I would pick up my oldest ds into a fireman's lift and remove him from the room.
Otherwise, distract and try really hard to avoid tantrum triggers like over tiredness and hunger.
My youngest child doesn't tend to do it so much at groups and stuff which is a good thing as he is MUCH harder to hold on to. The other day on a walk DH had to carry him back to the car for a MILE, thrashing and heaving the whole time. He is three and massive.
Not me but a mum in Asda last week. She mimicked her lo. Stamping her foot and whinging. Them said 'see how silly you look'.
Little boy was so shocked he stopped in his tracks.
Distract them - ooh, look at the puppy. If it has gone to far for that I ignore the behaviour entirely. You may have to remove them to a safer / less public area too but still ignore (very hard to do). The problem comes when the clock keeps ticking and you wonder when ignoring starts to feel cruel. You can still ignore and cuddle at the same time though.
Following this with interest! My toddler has just started with this at 2.5. His speciality is screaming responses at reasonable questions, so like:
Me: DS, what would you like for lunch?
DS: ignores me
Me: would you like beans on toast?
DS: No beans toast
Me: Ok, how about-
DS: NO BEANS TOAST!
Me: that's fine, you don't have to-
DS: NO BEANS TOOOAASSST!!!!
It's really good fun.
DS around 2 decided he simultaneously wanted his dressing gown ON and OFF. I mainly just stood there in shock as he screamed then later drank a lot of cider.
DS had a massive scream-a-thon in a National Trust cafe the other week. DP just picked him up and walked out. I gave the old trouts at the next table a stare which said "fuck off staring" and flounced out after him. Yes we are that grown up.
My 20 month old DD throws some impressive tantrums!
Throws herself on the ground, kicks, screams, holds her breath....but those are the major ones that have only happened once or twice.
We have a tantrum corner in our living room that's full of cushions and a bean bag. When she throws a tantrum at home, she goes to tantrum corner where she is allowed to kick and scream as much as she wants until she's finished. But that is the only place it's allowed. She will usually have a little kick about while yelling on the bean bag, but then she gets up shakes it off and it's like it never happened!
I put on 2 stone stress eating chocolate
I'm forever grateful she wasn't my first as the older two didn't have tantrums (whining yes, no full on screaming fits), so I knew it wasn't my parenting and I could (sometimes) laugh at her with her sisters although we had to do it secretly as if she caught us laughing at her she'd attack with real violence
Often nothing would comfort her and she had to have a scream it out on her own somewhere quiet. That seemed to be her preference. She'd back arch and headbang if I tried to pick her up before she was ready. She's 3.3 now and I can start to breathe again. It was very very stressful though. Routine and avoiding any over tiredness is probably key but with both parents working full time and 2 older siblings to ferry about to activities we didn't manage that very well.
6 - 18 months distraction worked a treat after that it was either listen and explain so you want to climb the bookcase, we cant do that now but we can climb the sofa or you don't want to get dressed because you want to.play. You have to get dressed but then you can play. In the latter case I just pin and dress while explaining.
Like the idea of tantrum corner mybread! DD3 created her own little naughty step where she'd take herself off for a scream and flail
Worst ever tantrum was when a hairdresser asked ds, 2.5, how he'd like his hair. 'Like Captain Hook,' he replied. She struggled with that one, him being gold of hair and somewhat shorter than Hook's flowing black curls.
Mum and I finally escaped with the screaming tot and put up with another couple of hours of ear breaking shrieks before it subsided. There was no remedy on that ocassion. It's still a favour ir story though.
Last night DS turned Paw Patrol off then burst into tears because he wanted to watch it
Sorry, just realised I didn't offer a solution to tantrums.
Reasoning goes out if the window that's for sure.
id like some tips.
my 2 year old kept running away from me in the supermarket today. she was getting very angry at me when i tried to hold her hand. i eventually resorted to reins and she just dangled there refusing to walk. awful screaming etc.
normally i use the naughty step, removal of toy (or whatever weapon she has) etc
She is non-verbal though so its diffiult.
i'll be interested to read what other tips people have.
Distract to try to avoid it in the first place and I agree re avoiding tiredness and hunger. I once filmed my dd on my phone then showed her, while she was still mid tantrum. She ended up laughing at herself!
When DS was about 2, he once stripped his swim shorts off in anger at the local council pool because his swimming lesson was going to be in the kids pool rather than the adults pool. I've never forgotten the shame. Generally speaking I think distraction is your friend, failed me on that afternoon mind.
The only things that work with DS2: ask him if he needs a cuddle, if he says yes, cuddle him, if he says no, walk out the room until he stops. He's 5.
Firstly, I try empathising (no matter how ridiculous the problem is). 'Yes, I know it's very annoying that you can't pick the sofa up. It must be so frustrating. Do you want to scream?' then I offer her a pillow to scream and shout into or hit. She's going to be screaming anyway and lots of adults let it out at a pillow!
If it's beyond controlling, I say 'oh. You want to tantrum. Go on then.' and look away, completely ignoring her and doing something else. The novelty wears off if she's allowed and I'm not watching anyway.
Ds2 had some doozy tantrums. The worst were always the result of being too hungry, too tired or because he was coming down with something. My best advice is to avoid trying to do anything when they are hungry, tired of ill.
And grow a hide like a rhino
Agree with rhino hide.
My eldest DS had some very public tantrums (later ASD diagnosed) when he was younger. I found ignoring and carrying on regardless worked the best.
One that sticks out in my mind is on a very public,very busy street,in the middle of town and I was in charge of my friends child also whilst she was in a shop and I stood outside with both the kids, and he went into complete meltdown mode, and started to kick the bottom of the shop display (not the window but the concrete part underneath above the pavement) and I just arranged myself and both buggies round him so he couldn't escape whilst he lay on the ground and let him scream it out as I had my hands full with my friends toddler, and a woman who worked in her shop came out and asked me to move him as he was 'causing a scene outside their shop, and might damage their window' my response in a calm voice, was that if she didn't immediately get inside the store and leave us alone she would have me kicking her fucking windows in. She retreated, my friend came out and I picked up my son and slung him over my shoulder with one hand and bushed his buggy with the other.
I was only maybe 20 at the time and was so stressed on the inside and wanted to cry, at that exact moment a lady in her 40's maybe, came running up to me and tapped me on the shoulder.
I spun round expecting a confrontation and she handed me my son's shoe which had come off and said ' I wanted to tell you how well you've just handled that, well done. Keep doing what you are doing'
It's stayed with me for another 14 years!
Thanks for the replies, at the moment- tiredness and hunger are definitely cues I recognise in dd.
Is there any thing I really * shouldn't* do??
Distraction as much as possible but if its gone beyond that i just ignore and wait calmly til its over. At this stage nothing embarrasses me. I was fortunate i suppose only two of my five had tantrums and they were very occasional. Youngest was the worst especially at around age three when other kids are usually getting over them. The worst one was in a supermarket toilet. She went ballistic because there were no wet wipes. It went on and on, in the end i took out my phone and filmed her. She didn't like that and stopped almost immediately. Later on we watched it together and talked about why she had behaved like that. Anytime after that if she started a meltdown i whipped out my phone and she calmed down pretty quickly. There are probably lots of reasons why filming a tantrum isnt a good idea but it worked for us.
My DS is 3 now and has thankfully had few tantrums. Definitely he is moodier after watching TV, and when very tired.
I find that if he starts, saying 'oh, you want to go to bed?/have a nap, let's go then ' is the quickest way to get him to stop.
I also get down on his level, try and articulate what he seems to be feeling (think this is from 'How to talk so kids will listen'?) and give him a cuddle.
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