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to advise DD16 against confronting "the other girl"?

(22 Posts)
misshelena Thu 19-Jan-17 13:56:07

DD16's bf of nearly a year is a girl magnet. Girls ask him out all the time especially when he is sad (usually when upset with DD). One girl in particular is very aggressive. Very touchy with him, constantly posts pics of him on her instagram/fb, asks to wear his varsity sports jacket (which has his name on it), etc. DD has been so far very forgiving because the girl had been "working" on DD's bf before DD came on the scene. But it's been a year, and DD is losing patience. Bf doesn't see a problem-- the girl is a friend and he doesn't want to be rude, plus she has a bf of her own. DD asked for my advice.

I don't think she should confront the other girl. Just think it's so trashy to fight over a boy! But seems like I am the only one telling her that. All her friends and her sister are telling her to tell the girl to "Back off bitch!" WWYD? What else can DD do other than talk to her bf?

OhWellNeverMindEh Thu 19-Jan-17 14:03:58

You are right, best to say nothing. If she has to say something then she needs to stick to a very short, succinct, statement that requires no response:

You're being over-beating with my bf and Andy find it very uncomfortable. It's not cool - please can you stop.

Then disengage and say no more.

OhWellNeverMindEh Thu 19-Jan-17 14:04:28

*over-bearing
*and

OhWellNeverMindEh Thu 19-Jan-17 14:04:51

*and I

EverythingEverywhere1234 Thu 19-Jan-17 14:06:25

It's never too early to learn never to do the 'Pick Me' dance.

JaquieFromTheBlock Thu 19-Jan-17 14:08:18

Do nothing, leave it.

The boyfriend isn't interested in this girl, so not sure why your DD is threatened by her?

neonrainbow Thu 19-Jan-17 14:08:53

Maybe she should look at why her boyfriend is allowing this to happen. You should be pointing out to your dd that he is not good enough for her if he's willing to lead on other girls.

VintagePerfumista Thu 19-Jan-17 14:10:40

Why doesn't she ask her boyfriend why he doesn't tell the other girl he's not interested?

Never too early to teach our daughters a bit of dignity.

JumpingJellybeanz Thu 19-Jan-17 14:11:47

If she needs to take someone to task it should be her boyfriend.

SparkleShinyGlitter Thu 19-Jan-17 14:11:57

I'm glad I'm not young anymore!

They are not quite adults but not children either so it's a funny old age. I am 39 and can honestly say I've never had to use the phrase "back off bitch" I think there is a lot to be said for having some class and not fighting over any man.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 19-Jan-17 14:13:14

Tell her to stay classy!

A BF at that age would probably love the idea of girls fighting over him. I'd probably tell her to not let him see it bothers her.

MummyToThree479 Thu 19-Jan-17 14:14:43

No girl no matter what age should be fighting over a boy and certainly shouldn't be using phrasing like "back off bitch"

I think it's up to the boyfriend tbh not your dd. Just in the same way that if dh had someone wearing his coat/all over him I would expect him to say "X that isn't appropriate " because his in a relationship with me, no way would I be fighting over him

CanarySong Thu 19-Jan-17 14:14:58

The fact that your daughters boyfriend doesn't see the problem (yeah, right hmm) is the problem.

I'd be telling my DD to ditch the boyfriend. He sounds like a bit of a tool tbh.

Pinkheart5915 Thu 19-Jan-17 14:18:07

I'd rather be the girl with some class than the one fighting over a boy!

The boyfriend needs to talk to the girl not your dd. If another women was all over my dh I'd expect him to respect me enough to say it's not on and stop it.

I'd say to your dd that you should never need to fight over a boy because if they respect you they don't let other girls be all over them

Boudiccaiceni Thu 19-Jan-17 14:20:34

sounds like the bf loves all the attention.
I would talk to DD to explain it is the BF responsibility to not lead her on or accomodate her requests.

FinallyHere Thu 19-Jan-17 14:23:45

Great advice, avoid the 'pick me' dance and realise that it is up to the boy to tell others to back off.

Remind her that the many 'friends' encouraging a confrontation between the two women have nothing invested in your DD's dignity, quite the reverse in fact.

CripsSandwiches Thu 19-Jan-17 14:26:51

She should definitely not confront. If her boyfriend was encouraging the other girl then she should speak to him about it, otherwise let the other girl make a food of herself if she wants to. Either way the trick is to date someone who won't cheat not try to fight off every potential "other woman".

SmallBee Thu 19-Jan-17 14:30:31

It sounds like her friends are in it for the drama.
She can go all Donald Trump and accuse this other girl get confrontational etc but she won't come off well.
Or she can stay classy, rise above it and let this girl continue to make an idiot out of herself ( and probably humiliate her own bf in the process).

misshelena Thu 19-Jan-17 17:25:10

Thanks everyone. Glad to know that I am not just being too old fashioned. Or maybe we all are! ha!

Bf is lovely to DD -- threw her a surprise sweet 16, brings her little gifts for no reason, declares "I love you" on his instagram, tries very hard to impress her momma, etc. But tends to be moody, quiet, almost unapproachable to others. Which is why I don't really understand his appeal. DD said that he was voted by the girls in her big high school as the "dreamboat" or something similar last year!??

I am going to tell her to do nothing. She just can't go around telling off every girl who makes a pass at him! I also agree that her friends are looking to stir up some drama.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 19-Jan-17 17:34:46

Her friends are teenage girls, they love drama! Of course they want a big confrontation!

She should ignore it and rise above it all

ThisisDyear Thu 19-Jan-17 17:39:34

Voted, "dreamboat". gringrin

Surreyblah Thu 19-Jan-17 17:44:45

He sounds like bad news.

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