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to go back to work?

(35 Posts)
Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 14:59:59

MIL thinks I should be staying at home with ds (9 months) as we can afford it. DH is a high earner and I'm not. But I really need to go back to work - I miss my job. I love my son but being at home all the time is driving me mad. MIL is very disapproving of this and thinks if I can't bring myself to not work I should be looking for a new job which only requires one day a week.

I will be going back to my role part time, 4 days a week with one of those days from home and slightly condensed hours of 9-4, plus an hours commute door to door including childminder drop off and pick up. I like my job and my boss is great - very very flexible. I know for instance she won't mind at all if I need to take time off if ds is sick. But MIL says this is too much and I won't be able to cope and nor will ds.

I now feel shit. AIBU to be going back to work?

CMOTDibbler Wed 18-Jan-17 15:04:18

YANBU, and its nothing to do with MIL - she had her go at making decisions about children, and now its your and your dhs turn

Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 15:12:21

Thank you. I just feel so guilty.

Lovewineandchocs Wed 18-Jan-17 15:16:28

YANBU! Ignore your MIL, it's none of her business and she doesn't have a clue. Is she offering childcare?! Thought not! I have 2 DCs and work similar hours to you, with one day working from home. It can be hectic but is manageable-with 1 DC it was totally fine. Sounds like you enjoy your job and like your boss, and jobs like mine and yours seem to be like gold dust. Also, if staying at home would drive you mad, why would you even consider it?! Is your DH supportive of you going back?

Brokenbiscuit Wed 18-Jan-17 15:17:01

I think you should tell your MIL to butt out and mind her own business tbh. Why should she have input into decisions that will affect your financial independence, your future employability and your mental health?

Please don't be pressured into making a decision that doesn't suit you. Do what is right for you.

Brokenbiscuit Wed 18-Jan-17 15:18:21

Oh, and fwiw, I have worked FT since dd was 6 months. She is now 11, and though it's hectic at times, we're both absolutely fine!

Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 15:20:47

My DH is totally supportive, he just wants me to do what's right for me

Manumission Wed 18-Jan-17 15:23:13

A one day a week job? How many of those does she think there are? And why does she think she gets a say in this?

KatharinaRosalie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:23:14

I've been working full time since each of mine was 12 weeks old. Everybody is coping. None of MILs business - she made her own choices, you are making yours.

Yura Wed 18-Jan-17 15:23:43

Have worked since son is 4 months old - he is a happy social 4 year old.
he is way better off with his childminder during (who loves being with kids and has tons of experience) than with me who loves work, and lives kids in smaller doses (evenings, weekends, holidays). I do much more with him than i would do otherwise, and can really enjoy our time as it us not all the time.! we both win

lokisglowstickofdestiny1 Wed 18-Jan-17 15:25:53

Ignore her, do what feels right to you. You've nothing to feel guilty about!

BaronessBomburst Wed 18-Jan-17 15:26:06

Do it. I was a SAHM when DS was little and it was the most miserable time of my life. Not to mention that should things ever go wrong between DH and I, I've lost my career and my independence.
I would say though that you may find it tricky keeping on top of all the household stuff. I've found personally that 16-20 hours a week is the right balance for me. My DH has a long commute so shopping cooking etc all falls to me. It's also very hard to work from home with a toddler around.

Yura Wed 18-Jan-17 15:31:42

Also, being completely dependent on your husband might change your relationship in a way you don't want. going back into your old job might be impossible after a while, so implications for the future are pretty big!

Brokenbiscuit Wed 18-Jan-17 15:33:22

As your DH is clearly supportive, could you get him to tell his mum to back off?

Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 15:34:30


Ds would still be at the childminder on my work from home day

I do all my food shopping online

Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 15:34:51

He's told her to but she still makes these snide little comments

ShoeJunkie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:37:27

I am a much better parent working part time than I would be as a SAHM. Both dss vey happy and settled at their cm.
Your MIL needs to butt out!

NickyEds Wed 18-Jan-17 15:38:28

Tell your MIL to wind her neck in. Or better still tell your dh to do it. I'm a SAHM and very much in the minority, what does she think most parents do?

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Jan-17 15:39:56

I lasted 3 months before I was so so ready to get back to my job, adult conversation, and being me again.
Millions of people do it.
You can do what ever you like.
Ignore MIL.
Walk away every time she makes a snide comment.

Brokenbiscuit Wed 18-Jan-17 15:45:19

He's told her to but she still makes these snide little comments

He needs to tell her more firmly, then. Or you do. Just say something along the lines of "MIL, I appreciate your concerns and I understand that your comments are well meant, but I have considered all the options and made the choice that's right for me - I would be grateful if you could avoid making any further comments that undermine that choice, as it may prove detrimental to our relationship otherwise."

Bibblewanda Wed 18-Jan-17 15:46:14

She basically says she was at home for 30 years so why doesn't everyone do it

KatharinaRosalie Wed 18-Jan-17 15:47:56

She basically says she was at home for 30 years so why doesn't everyone do it - well I run 10K every lunchtime, why doesn't she do it?

Brokenbiscuit Wed 18-Jan-17 15:55:34

Because not everyone wants to do what she did!

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain Wed 18-Jan-17 17:24:03

She's overstepping the mark. You DH needs to tell her you don't want her input on you career decisions.

BaronessBomburst Thu 19-Jan-17 14:32:51

Ds would still be at the childminder on my work from home day
I do all my food shopping online*

Good. That'll make it a damn lot easier then! grin

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