Flatmate dramas, aibu?(5 Posts)
Live with a couple of other girls, generally all fine. One is self-confessedly direct/straight-talking... and also loves drama and taking about herself! She's sweet and kind but can also be moody, and tbh at times hard work.
She was a bit off with me tone-wise today and I let off steam to other flatmate. Not bitching at all, but just very quietly said how I wish she wouldn't talk to me like that, I'm doing my best etc etc, and we said how although we wanted to support her and be good friends, the drama was sometimes a struggle! Which it is! But none of the comments were personal and in theory I wouldn't have minded her hearing - although would have felt bad if she had as its not nice to hear home truths...
She came down a few minutes later and we resumed our original conversation. She was still a bit grumpy. When other housemate had gone upstairs she demanded to know whether she was "walking into a negative atmosphere" when she came in ie had we been bitching i guess! I sat down and calmly replied we hadn't but said iwas worried id upset as she had been off with me before. She said she hadn't.
I just feel sick of the drama and walking on eggshells though! We do have another housemate who panders to her more and who has become pally-pally with her. Which is fine, of course. But what more does she want from me?!
I will from now on be careful not to discuss things when she's not present as I know it can easily slide into bitching. But that is now what I was doing!! Urgh finding it hard
Okay as someone who is currently in uni I can relate.
Don't ever say anything to anyone behind someone else's back - if you were talking in the tone of your OP then you were bitching. You were complaining about her to someone else.
You need to have a 'house meeting'. Make sure you tell her to her face (this is something I'm not afraid of doing) but in a calm, level tone. Record it on your phone so you can look back on it, I find this helps you all afterwards.
Best thing I ever did was open a wordfile and write down everything that my housemate did that pissed me off - I got to vent and then at a meeting I knew exactly what points I wanted to say.
But she isn't, is she? If she was, she'd tell you in great detail just what you had done to piss her off. She's just a drama queen who keeps herself as the centre of everybody's attention. Also - she's not sweet and kind either. She's a royal pain in the arse.
I have found the best way to deal with this type is to actually be direct and straight-talking . Do not quietly say to your other flatmate that you wish she wouldn't talk to you like that - say it to the DramaQueen! In as offended a tone you can muster! And none of this 'I wish' crap either - make it a command. 'Don't talk to me like that, it's bloody rude of you.' When 'she demanded to know whether she was "walking into a negative atmosphere"', a better response would have been 'What, the one you're creating with your grumpiness?'.
Absolutely do not walk on eggshells. The more you retreat to keep the peace, the more she'll push. She's the stereotype - give an inch and they take a mile. But I have always found this type backs down pretty quickly if you take no shit.
Thank you both! I feel strange about it!
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