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How do you cope on your own with DC?

(44 Posts)
dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:09:23

What I mean is how do you cope emotionally if you are a single parent or if your OH is away a lot?
I can cope physically- cleaning, cooking, drop off, pick up. It is hard to always wake up with the kids before 6am but it's manageable since I basically go to bed with them and then mumsnet on my phone for couple of hours
But I find it hard not to have another adult to share it with if that makes sense.
What if you don't have lots of friends or other family close by either (which I don't)?
I just find it hard for some reason that I can't quite explain hmm
It's not that i miss DH (although i do miss him but that's not it), if I had another family member to stay I wouldn't feel like this - i just need another adult at the house - this sounds strange even to myself. Sorry for rambling on
I hope someone will get what I'm on about and have some advice .
Or not.

Squirmy65ghyg Tue 17-Jan-17 21:12:51

Yes it's hard. Being a LP is hard. Not the same as a partner working away in any way.

You just get on with it .

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:14:00

Have you not been on your own with them long?

dangermouseisace Tue 17-Jan-17 21:22:59

I think you get used to there not being another adult here. I don't think I could actually cope with another adult here now...they'd have 'opinions' about how stuff was done...I decide how the house is decorated, how money is spent, what I watch on TV. I do miss there being another adult looking after the kids so I can do grown up stuff in the eve/weekends, and my employment options are limited. It's hard to see friends etc as they live so far away.

Maybe if my exH hadn't been such an arsehole I'd miss having an adult here more as in valuing their company. At the moment I don't trust grown ups so I'd rather be alone.

Are you on your own?

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 17-Jan-17 21:23:46

I don't think I would cope, to be honest

dangermouseisace Tue 17-Jan-17 21:24:43

And yes mumsnet is my main source of grown up interaction as my 'job' at the moment seems to be taxi service to the kids hmm

dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:24:48

I don't think I've ever been on my own with the DC for more than a couple of days before.
But like a said it's not the actual stuff that needs doing- in that respect there's actually less to do when DH is away. It's actually easier- i do all of the housework, cooking everything really, and with him awsy there's less mess, less laundry etc
Kids actually behave better as well!
But still something is missing- adult company is one part of it i guess. And then the emptiness when the kids are in bed. I can't bear it so i go to bed too

I'm sorry for comparing it to being a single parent - I know it's not the same

QuitMoaning Tue 17-Jan-17 21:26:25

Cherrycrumblecustard - yes you would. Because you don't get a choice.

When I am asked how I coped (he is 18 now but he was weeks old when exH left) I just reply that I didn't know I had other options.

And I am very close to my son and always have been.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:31:01

I so get what you are saying.
Just before I couldn't wait for DH to leave as all the arguing and the lack of actual input other than criticism was driving me mad
So on paper everything is better and easier- and yet it isn't

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:31:38

Of course you'd cope cherry.

What would the alternative be? Collapse in A snotty puddle on the kitchen floor while the DC watched?

You'll find your rhythm and your inner resources OP. It's not as hard is it might look. Honestly.

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 17-Jan-17 21:32:32

Quite possibly Manu smile

Allthewaves Tue 17-Jan-17 21:33:19

Dh works away during the wk. Home weekends. I work 3 days a wk as it's gives me adult time. My two non works days were spent at toddler groups (charring to other mums) before youngest started preschool. Now in go to the gym.

Iv 2 mum friends and a couple work friends. Dh is always on the end of the phone. Love my evenings, sometimes stick dc to bed a bit early so I can have a box's et night - walking dead ect. Quite resentful when dh comes home and wants to watch his tvgrin

ToastieRoastie Tue 17-Jan-17 21:35:07

You get used to it. I'm concerned that I've got so used to it that I can't go back to living with another adult - there'd be too much compromising as I've got used to doing things my way.

Have you got people you can call for grown up chat once kids are in bed? Also being a LP is more difficult as you have to make decisions on your own and don't have a partner to bounce things off.

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:35:28

Women kick up a gear when they have to cherry. We've won wars and saved civilisations by doing the grunt work.

CuppaSarah Tue 17-Jan-17 21:35:50

Really Manumission ? I'm looking at being a lone parent right now and im terrified.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:37:23

Do you feel bored? Like just going through the motions of everyday stuff but mentally bored?

Allthewaves Tue 17-Jan-17 21:38:13

It would mentally be very different being a single parent - yes my day to day wouldn't change much, perhaps less money BUT not having a back up, someone to lean on, someone who I can moan about my day to on the phone or if it all goes tits up he can come home and help out. The relentless of doing it alone, no one to discuss decushions concerning dc. That's the bloody tough mountain if single parenting

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:39:11

Of course. You do one step at a time and then one day you realise you're doing fine. I got thrown into it suddenly too. In some ways it's easier because you don't have to compromise or consider two adult routines.

Remarrying and absorbing a new adult back in was much much harder.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:40:31

Sorry Cuppa
Unfortunate x post

My whining is really silly compared to some real problems

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:43:09

Do you feel bored? Like just going through the motions of everyday stuff but mentally bored?

One thing I've often thought is that I wish I'd had internet in the first few years. The evenings used to be a bit lonely sometimes. But once there was internet and messenger and facebook it was much easier to casually catch up with people )instead of big phone calls). So it's better in the internet age, I think.

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:46:01

All big changes are daunting at first flowers

CuppaSarah Tue 17-Jan-17 21:53:20

No font worry Dontpull threads like this are really important I want as many perspectives as possible. I have a lot of things to think about right now, but someone else's problems don't make yours any less.

dontpullyourbrotherswilly Tue 17-Jan-17 21:56:29

Yes, it is daunting
DH might have to take a job overseas which means I would be on my own months at a time.
And so far I've found a week hard
But i guess you do get used to it, right?

One thing I didn't mention before (and that i will not admit to anyone in rl) is that I'm sort of afraid in the dark. It's stupid. I'm an adult ffs. But I can't help feeling anxious. And it's only when I'm home on my own (or with DC)
That's really why I won't even go downstairs once kids are in bed unless I really have to.
Now I'm bloody crying.
Probably because it's just so stupid and I feel sorry for being an idiot

Manumission Tue 17-Jan-17 21:58:29

Sounds like a phobia. You can get help for that flowers

kscience Tue 17-Jan-17 21:59:19

You cope because you have to

Sometimes you cope better than others

Sometimes it feels like your sanity is on a very thin thread

Sometimes it feels like the most liberating thing

Sometimes the responsibility is overwhelming

Sometimes the love of your children, a touch from their hand, that feeling as they crawl into your lap for a cuddle is all encompassing

Just he knowledge that you HAVE to

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