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Mad about marker ban

(80 Posts)
ScienceOven Tue 17-Jan-17 17:37:36

This evening my DSs and I were colouring with markers. I took DS1 to the bathroom for one minute, during which the DS2 (2.5 y.o.) decided to draw on the tile floor.

It came off the tiles ok, but not the grout. As I was scrubbing away, DH comes home and has a go at me for letting the kids use the markers. Now, he has said in the past that the kids should not be allowed markers at all, until they know not cause trouble with them (how will they learn that without ever using them? hmm). According to him, that would be around the age of 4 or 5.

We rent, but the furniture is ours, so any damage done with markers would be limited to the tile floor and walls. Anyway, he said that I have to get the marker off the grout right away or find a way to pay for it (I am a SAHM, so that comment made me feel just lovely). So him and the kids had dinner that I had made while I ended up scrubbing at the damn grout sad

It all came off, kids are in bed and I am eating reheated dinner and mad as hell at him for being such an ass to me. Now, I know he expects me to say sorry for "not listening to him and giving kids markers" but I feel that he should be the one apologising for having a go at me and insisting I clean right away, instead of after dinner. AIBU?
Also, marker ban - who is right? wink

Moonbear10 Tue 17-Jan-17 17:40:24

You're entirely right. What an arse!

GilMartin Tue 17-Jan-17 17:42:35

Leaving a child that young in possession of a marker pen is asking for trouble op.

Do you mean permanent marker? Why on earth would a two year old know need how to use a permanent marker?

TheHiphopopotamus Tue 17-Jan-17 17:42:57

Sorry, but I agree with your DH.

Used to drive me mad they let kids use markers at nursery and they'd come home with pen all over their clothes (although DS managed to do this all the way into Y6).

Leaving a 2.5 yr old alone with a marker pen is just madness tbh.

Trifleorbust Tue 17-Jan-17 17:43:12

Why does he treat you like his housekeeper, OP? hmm

Hillfarmer Tue 17-Jan-17 17:43:30

He's your husband, not your boss. Who told him he could decide when you eat. Controlling arse.

MsJamieFraser Tue 17-Jan-17 17:43:57

sorry OP but I think it's your own silly fault for allowing him to speak to you in that manner, kids are kids they learn by their mistakes as does adults.

You nenes to stand up to him more and stop allowing him to push all over you.

golfbuggy Tue 17-Jan-17 17:44:16

Children (including those much older than yours) don't need to be using a permanent marker. Particularly if they are at age where they think drawing on the floor is acceptable.

so, I agree with DH about the markers, but HWBU not to let you eat your dinner first before cleaning up!

cherrycrumblecustard Tue 17-Jan-17 17:44:20

I don't think he spoke to you nicely at all.

'Find a way to pay for it' makes you sound like a wayward teenager.

But I do agree marker pens are silly.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 17-Jan-17 17:44:51

''he said that I have to get the marker off the grout right away or find a way to pay for it ''

If he gives you a bill for wear and tear you give him one for everything you do.

CremeEggThief Tue 17-Jan-17 17:45:40

I'm not sure, tbh. My DS wasn't allowed any unsupervised access to anything other than plain pencils until he was 4. I always made sure any biros or felt tips were out of reach. Your DH didn't go about it very well though. Surely you could have eaten and cleaned it later?

Pineappletastic Tue 17-Jan-17 17:46:15

If my partner said 'find a way to pay for it' and I was a SAHP to OUR children I'd be sending him an itemised bill for his half of the childcare and any housework I did beyond the amount he did.

If he'd wanted it cleaning before dinner he'd have been doing it himself.

Does he always treat you like his slave?

Kewcumber Tue 17-Jan-17 17:46:47

I wouldn;t give a 2.5 year old a felt tip (except those nice washable crayola ones!)

But I wouldn;t be treated like a naughty child by an adult I shared a life with either.

He sounds like a pompous arse.

Soubriquet Tue 17-Jan-17 17:47:15

Leaving a 2 year old with a marker was foolish but it doesn't give him the right to speak to you like that!

What an arse

harderandharder2breathe Tue 17-Jan-17 17:47:40

Is it permanent marker? I don't get why you'd not use washable with children that young

Either way, your husband loses the moral high ground when he speaks to you like shit. Presumably he's capable to taking a child to the toilet while simultaneously watching the other child in another room. Thought not.

alltouchedout Tue 17-Jan-17 17:48:29

Why the fuck did you let him boss you around like that? You got down and scrubbed a floor whilst other people sat and ate food that you'd cooked, because your husband told you to? You have bigger problems than marker pens (although I'd stick to washable ones from now on tbh).

arethereanyleftatall Tue 17-Jan-17 17:48:57

Every day on mn there is an excerpt From someone's life which I read mouth open in horror and disbelief. Married couples just shouldn't ever talk to each other how he spoke to you. It's absurd. No, he shouldn't have had a go at you, no he shouldn't have even thought that about payment, let alone say it, no you should not be the one saying sorry.

unfortunateevents Tue 17-Jan-17 17:48:59

What on earth time do you eat dinner, if everyone has already eaten, you have both children in bed and you are eating reheated dinner?!

Pineappletastic Tue 17-Jan-17 17:50:15

But yeah, children unsupervised with markers in a rental wouldn't be something I'd be happy about. If I was your partner I might have said 'That was a bit daft, I hope it comes out, maybe they shouldn't have markers on their own?'

So possibly YA both BU, but he is an arse.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 17-Jan-17 17:50:27

"he said that I have to get the marker off the grout right away or find a way to pay for it"
Well, I kind of agree with your husband, in that I don't see a need for small children to have marker pens, what's wrong with colouring pencils? But I'd have laughed in his face and told him to jog on when he said that. And sat and ate dinner.

But, given that he thinks he can say such things to you - I assume this is not an isolated incident? Also - 'find a way to pay for it' suggests you don't have full access to the family finances. What money do you have access to?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Tue 17-Jan-17 17:50:40

What do you mean by Marker? If you mean felt tip then I think that's fine. I've never heard of letting kids draw with permanent marker pens though? They give off that horrible fumey smell.confused

You shouldn't have made a martyr of yourself scrubbing the floor while your dinner went cold. Just explain to bossy husband, accidents happen, I'll clean it after dinner.

In my experience, landlords rarely hand back the deposit anyway, there's always something they claim is marked or damaged.

WyfOfBathe Tue 17-Jan-17 17:51:52

He shouldn't have spoken to you like that. It's wholly unacceptable.

But re marker ban - he's right. My 5 year olds only uses washable ones if she uses any at all. I definitely wouldn't let a 2 year old use one unattended.

Creampastry Tue 17-Jan-17 17:51:54

If it was permanent marker then you were asking for trouble!

BillSykesDog Tue 17-Jan-17 17:52:54

I completely agree with him and totally understand why he is pissed off with you. Children aren't old enough to use pens which are difficult to wipe off until they are old enough to understand you don't draw on the furniture or floor. They don't have to actually use markers to learn that, it comes with age.

He said they shouldn't use them because they'd draw on inappropriate things and you didn't listen to him even though he was right and now you're martyring yourself because he justifiably had a go at you. And at half five it's not like you've been up all night scrubbing.

Sorry, but if a woman posted that she was in his position and came home and found that and had a go at him and told him to clean up she'd be told she was completely in the right. I would go fucking mental if my DH did that when I'd asked him not to. And I can't believe your attitude that as long as you own the furniture it's fine for them to draw all over it as long as you own it. I'm not surprised he's fuming with you.

tramstray Tue 17-Jan-17 17:53:43

Your husband is in the right. Children do not need to write on the walls or floor with marker pens to learn that it is not acceptable - they can learn this without access to these pens.

You should perhaps have held your ground and agreed to clean up after dinner, not before, but as for the situation as a whole you don't really have a leg to stand on here.

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