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Ex sending DS in clothes shoes etc too small

(10 Posts)
BeccaAnn Tue 17-Jan-17 13:20:22

so AGAIN I have picked up my son for my weekend and he's in shoes a size too small and clothes that are too small despite myself and my mum buying 2 pairs of good shoes and wellies for him as part of an xmas present. not to mention they all stink like an ashtray despite ExH supposedly giving up smoking.

This is the 3rd times this has happened, if I say anything to ex then its my fault because I don't pay enough etc. etc. etc. (yet I buy most of my DS's clothes and shoes before everyone says maintenance isn't enough blah blah blah)

Yet ex has bought a new Xbox 1S (nothing wrong with the last one) and an apple watch.

AIBU to be pissed off with this? I know grown ups are allowed nice things etc. but surely making sure your DS is clothed correctly is more important than some gadget?

There's lots of other things that ex does that makes me feel like our DS isnt his first priority and it just breaks me. I work so hard to make sure I can provide for him when DS is with me and when he's with his dad.

>rant over<

7SunshineSeven7 Tue 17-Jan-17 13:27:49

Kids in the wrong size clothes winds me right up - if they're too tight they can be painful and you can see the clothes cutting into them. If they're too big the poor kid trips over his pant legs and can't do anything with their hands because of the sleeves.

Not sure what you should do but I would tell ExH until he can be trusted to look after him properly then he can't spend time overnight (I'm guessing he goes in your clothes and comes back in his dads?) to remove the problem of needing to change clothes.

BeccaAnn Tue 17-Jan-17 13:30:30

no DS lives with ExH. long story essentially ExH took DS and by the time I found where they were he was already in a school and I live over 100 miles away. went to court, they decided that DS should stay with ExH. now he lords that over me with regards to holidays etc. and who can see our DS etc. etc.

MLGs Tue 17-Jan-17 13:31:18

Do I get the impression from this that ExH is the RP and you are NRP? Therefore you are paying him? Or have i got this wrong?

YADNBU about the wrong size clothes and shoes. THis is just basic. Sounds like he either can't be arsed to wash things or is doing it deliberately, rather that it being a money thing.

Do you want to apply to become the RP if he can't look after his son, or is that not an option?

MLGs Tue 17-Jan-17 13:32:14

Sorry, ex post but that sounds really shitty.

7SunshineSeven7 Tue 17-Jan-17 13:32:47

Not too sure then. My DB has the opposite problem, he buys his kids new clothes, lovely and well fitting when they're with him. When they go 'home' in them, the clothes never come back and they are always sent to him on next visit with old, tatty clothes. Drives him mad.

Hopefully someone else will be along with better advice flowers

kittybiscuits Tue 17-Jan-17 13:59:53

That's not the opposite problem. It's the same problem!

BeccaAnn Tue 17-Jan-17 14:12:40

7SunshineSeven7 I know you're pain. sad

and I am the NRP, applied through court to become RP. no idea if I can reapply to become RP as there is no solid evidence of neglect etc.

they have no bus to the place they live any more and Ex doesn't drive, won't accept my family's help to take DS to swimming classes or cubs or anything because Ex hates my mum (she doesnt believe his BS stories)

(sorry turns out I have more to rant about han I thought!)

7SunshineSeven7 Tue 17-Jan-17 14:13:16

kittybiscuits I meant from the opposite point of view e.g Father to Mother grin I see how its basically the same though. I think she does it because she wants the kids to look ''less presentable'' when they're with him as if that says something about him. Eyeroll.

BigusBumus Tue 17-Jan-17 14:47:29

Before my DSS lived with us full time (over 5 years now) the same thing used to happen. He would come every weekend in tatty/too small/inappropriate clothes. It drove DH and I bonkers. So in the end we just bought him his own clothes that lived in his chest of drawers in his own room at ours. He came to stay on Friday night and on the following morning he would dress in the clothes at ours and I would wash what he came in. On Sunday evening he would change back into what he came in and go home in that. Its not ideal, but it worked for us and DSS didn't mind one bit. We never mentioned his mothers choice of clothes, he just accepted it.

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