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To not have done or said angthing?

(23 Posts)
Dailymaildailyfail Tue 17-Jan-17 12:12:18

On busy train into Central London today. Got a seat but lots of people standing.

Ten minutes later I realise a lady stood in aisles is silently sobbing- full on tears running down her face. She looked truly miserable and I didn't know what to do.

I caught her eye but she looked away- probably a bit embarrassed. She had a tissue so couldn't even offer her one without loads of people wondering what I was doing. She just looked so, so sad and it broke my heart a bit.

When train pulled in she got off quicker than me and I didn't get to speak to her- wondering if I should have done anything? I have thought about it all morning at work....

DanielCraigsUnderpants Tue 17-Jan-17 12:13:40

I think you tried by making eye contact with her and she looked away. You sound lovely though and did your best

wigglesrock Tue 17-Jan-17 12:16:40

I wouldn't worry about it. I silently sobbed my way round Tesco when my Dad was very ill, I know a few people noticed but tbh I was glad they didn't say anything or stop me.

Dailymaildailyfail Tue 17-Jan-17 12:18:54

I've also shed a tear or two in public- it was just how much she was crying that distressed me. Just felt awful for her and wanted to give her a hug.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 17-Jan-17 12:47:54

Its very hard to judge what to do in those situations. I don't think I'd do or say anything either. TBH. The fact that she looked away. I think shows she just wanted to be left alone.

MLGs Tue 17-Jan-17 12:49:27

I might have offered her a seat.

She might just have been crying with tiredness.... But if there was another reason like a bereavement or a relationship breakdown or whatever it would never hurt to be allowed to sit down.

Dailymaildailyfail Tue 17-Jan-17 19:53:30

Thank you all- feel marginally reassured. Hope the lady feels better tonight.

Faete Tue 17-Jan-17 19:56:24

I have cried a lot in public. the last thing I'd want is someone asking me what's wrong etc.

NavyandWhite Tue 17-Jan-17 20:10:26

I hate seeing people cry. Probably best you did nothing under the circumstances OP as going over might have made her feel embarrassed and even worse.

SausageFarmer Tue 17-Jan-17 20:12:46

I've cried in public before. If anyone has ever asked me what's up, it makes me worse.

A simple sympathetic look can help more than you know.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow Tue 17-Jan-17 20:18:53

Going against the grain - I would have gone up to her maybe not said anything but just put my hand on her arm and said something like 'whatever it is, nothing bad lasts forever'.

I am an ex Londoner. Whilst I lived in London I never ever would have done this. Moving out has made me less scared/frozen of commuter-strangers. A little kindness can really change someone's day.

OliviaBensonOnAGoodDay Tue 17-Jan-17 20:24:36

DP was very ill for a while and I once sat on a tube silently sobbing to myself. I just couldn't stop. If anyone had been nice to me that probably would have finished me.

Don't dwell on it OP. You did what felt right at the time, instinct is powerful.

HarryPottersMagicWand Tue 17-Jan-17 21:01:24

"whatever it is, nothing bad lasts forever'."

Sorry but I think this would be a terrible thing to say, she could have had a terminally ill child! Someone who is crying that much in public is probably having to deal with something pretty awful.

It's awkward and I've never cried in public but if I did, I'd definitely want to be left alone but I would appreciate the kind gesture.

NavyandWhite Tue 17-Jan-17 21:12:25

Gosh yes I cried in Waterstones whilst on the phone to the undertaker after Ds died. If someone had said that quote to me it wouldn't have helped at all.

WrittenandGrown Tue 17-Jan-17 23:07:47

Loads of bad things last forever!

emmyrose2000 Wed 18-Jan-17 12:17:53

but just put my hand on her arm and said something like 'whatever it is, nothing bad lasts forever'.

That's a terrible thing to say to anyone, especially a complete stranger. Some bad things DO last forever and this type of comment is definitely not going to help someone who is in the throes of their grief.

ImperialBlether Wed 18-Jan-17 12:22:16

So many bad things last forever!

MuteButtonisOn Wed 18-Jan-17 12:25:03

If she looked distressed rather than upset I would have asked if she needed any help. I was very distressed in public recently when my DD was very ill in hospital and I heard someone say ' something really terrible has happened to her' . If someone had said nothing terrible lasts forever I probably would have told them to fuck off.

TrustySnail Wed 18-Jan-17 12:34:19

I once asked a woman who was crying on the street if there was anything I could do to help her - she said, "No, but thank you so much for asking."
I think it's good to acknowledge someone's obvious distress with a sympathetic look or offer of help - you're showing that whatever else may be wrong, there are still well-intentioned people in the world.

Daisiesandgerberas Wed 18-Jan-17 13:07:47

Exercising said 'something LIKE'. He/she was merely trying to state they would try to say something as reassurance.

FWIW I received devastating news in a hospital waiting room & a lady next to me simply touched my arm & very gently placed her new crisp ironed linen handkerchief in my hand & closed my hand right.

All she said was, "I don't need it back".

I will never for get that. I'll never forget her & how she made me feel.

5 simple words & the sweetest innocent gesture just amazed me.

pinkblink Wed 18-Jan-17 13:16:59

I hope she is on here and sees this, knowing you where so touched by her crying may bring her some comfort if she was feeling alone

Pallisers Wed 18-Jan-17 13:27:16

I don't think I'd have done anything on the train other than making eye contact.

I do remember sitting at the back of a church after a service with tears running down my face (I was desperately homesick - had just emigrated) and everyone walked past me, no one asked if I was ok. Given I was in church after mass I thought that was a bit odd.

Dailymaildailyfail Wed 18-Jan-17 20:15:30

I looked for her today on my train but she wasn't there. I just hated seeing her so upset- she was sobbing as opposed to just looking a bit harried or distressed. Tears streaming down her face- and in a rammed train carriage it felt inexcusable just to let her be.

I'll keep looking out for her (as most Londoners are creatures of habit and sit in same train carriage and seat im hoping I'll run into her) just so I can catch her eye again and see if she is ok. In hindsight I'm glad I said nothing- thank you for all your advice.

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