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Aibu or are my dad's family just absolute arse holes.

(15 Posts)
Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 12:02:01

I've posted on here before about this but now am raging with the lot of them. My dear nan ended up in hospital just before Christmas after she had a massive right side stroke the day she went in to hospital she got there and was awake and talking no one let my dad know that she was in the hospital until 9:30 that night and by then she was unconscious and the doctors had put a DNR on her because they said she'd had a massive heart attack. Fast forward to new years day and my poor nan passed away my dad's sister and brother where with her so she wasn't alone but they only told us after she had died and by the time they told us they had left the hospital. Her body was kept by the hospital for a week and we couldn't understand why none of my dad's sisters or brother would tell us when she would collected by the funeral home and when we would be allowed to see her. She eventually got picked up over a week after she died and the funeral home told us that it was part of her pre paid funeral that she didn't want to be viewed what's pissed me off no end is that my dad's fucking sisters had the paper work for the funeral and knew that she didn't want to be viewed so why didn't they tell us when we where asking them. We held her funeral yesterday and me and my family might as well of not even been there they never spoke to us once and just treated us like we didn't exist. I feel sorry for my poor dad because his own family have gone out of their way to exclude him from everything including aranging the funeral. I had to bite my tongue yesterday to stop myself from telling them all that they are complete knob heads but yesterday was not the right time to tell them what I think of them. I don't think they will have anything to do with us now that my nan has died and thats fine by me because I will be going NC and taking them off my Facebook. But do families really treat their own brother and his family like shit or is it just my weird horrible family that do it. I know my nan wouldn't been happy about the way they where treating my dad.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 17-Jan-17 12:07:25

Its not just your family, some people are just arseholes given any opportunity. Like they say, you can pick your friends but not your family.
Condolences on your loss flowers

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 12:13:27

djbaggysmalls thank you I guess some families are really just that horrible. Who needs enemies when I have a family like that.

Mumzypopz Tue 17-Jan-17 12:19:42

So sorry to hear about your Nan.

Devil's advocate here...They contacted him 9.30 at night before Christmas and she passed away New Years Day. I do hope your Dad was able to visit her in hospital before she passed?
You say they only let him know after she passed? Do you know the circumstances of this at all was it sudden and too late for them to call him? Did the nurses know it would be imminent? You say they were there with her, could your Dad have been there too?
Also you say they didn't tell you when her body would be collected? Would they even know this? Perhaps the funeral home weren't able to tell them exactly when that would be?
Sounds like they have gone ahead and made funeral arrangements, could your Dad have asked to be involved? People behave differently in grief, they may have seen this as their role, or just took over as they saw no-one else doing it? Or perhaps your Nan had expressed a wish that they do this?
Again sorry about your loss, I just wondered if they equally may be annoyed at your Dad for either not visiting as much as them (sorry, I don't know if this is the case) or for not actively trying to help with arrangements, but then complaining afterwards? There are two sides to every story.

caz323 Tue 17-Jan-17 12:21:58

Oh dear! That sounds pretty shocking and I am sorry for what you are going through. Does your Dad know why they have all behaved like this? There might be some history that you are unaware of. Sorry I can't be more helpful. Sincere condolences.

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 12:31:25

mummzypops she went in to hospital on 21st December at 2:30 the day before my birthday and they never let us know until that night my dad sat with her all night as soon as he knew she was in there he went in to see her every day that she was in the hospital and they did know that she was going to die eventually because the hospital had her on palliative care and they knew that she was going to die the day that she die. They knew that it was in her pre paid funeral plan that she didn't want to be viewed that's why the funeral home left it until a week before her funeral to collect her body. They never asked him to be involved his sisters just did it all and left my dad out of everything. His family have always been this way though. Thank you flowers

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 12:37:53

caz323 thank you no even he can't understand why they've all behaved in this way none of us can. There is no history his family are just horrible. Their view of family is that if my parents had got divorced when me and my sister where kids then they would have had absolutely nothing to do with us because we would've no longer been part of the family. They've always been horrible to my mum and my nan was no better when my parents got married they had 3 months to get married or lose the council house that my dad was living in at the time and they where moving in to after they had got married my nan had plans to phone up the council and tell them not to give my parents the house and then she would've told my parents on the wedding day that they had no home. There is a massive back story to all of this.

DJBaggySmalls Tue 17-Jan-17 12:39:11

My Nan was the lynch pin that held our family together.

Dagnabit Tue 17-Jan-17 12:44:22

Sorry for your loss, Peanut flowers

Families can truly be arseholes, unfortunately and a death in the family can really up the arseholeness it's a word Presuming your nan was the last link between you/your df and these other family members, maybe it is best to go NC. Not sure if she had a will and/or has left assets but hopefully if so, it will all be sorted without difficulty. In the meantime, support each other.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 17-Jan-17 12:44:44

Sounds as if your nan taught them how to treat their brother. Treat him badly that is. Isn't it sad?!! Be happy and enjoy your lives without them. At least your dad got time with him mum.

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 12:57:58

djbaggysmalls my grandparents are the lynch pin of my family and hold us all together unfortunately even they think my dad's family are weird.

dagnabit my nan was the reason that we even saw any of my dad's family. If she did have a will or any assets we'll never know because they will never ever tell us am actually surprised they told us about the funeral.

mummyoflittledragon your right there she has taught them all how to treat my dad badly and in turn treat me my sister and my mum badly. My dad thankfuly no longer has the same mindset as his family after 30 odd years of being around my mum's family he knows that the way his family acts isn't the way every family is. We will enjoy our lives without those horrible people in it and we are all thankful that my dad got to spend time with my nan we all spent more time with my nan while she was in the hospital than any of my dad's family did.

flowersflowersflowers for you all.

caz323 Tue 17-Jan-17 13:13:55

Oh my God, Peanut, I'm so sorry and also shocked about your nan, I must say - I had assumed that she and your Dad had had a good relationship. It's truly hard to fathom some families and their behaviour sometimes. Without going into detail on here, I can relate to your anger when it comes to family. Well done for retaining your dignity. I was also in the same situation. I wish you strength. X

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 17-Jan-17 13:15:09

Thank you. After your last comment, never forget you are the lucky ones. flowers

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 13:26:29

caz323 thank you they did have a good relationship until he met my mum and then it all went down hill from there because she hated my mum which also meant that she didn't like me and my sister much to the point that in my nans eyes my sister didn't exist I was the only daughter that my dad had. Thank you for your kind words. I really thought that they would've acted differently and changed their ways after my nans death but I guess not I don't think they will ever change. flowers xx

Peanutandphoenix Tue 17-Jan-17 13:28:15

mummyoflittledragon thank you for your kind words your right we are the lucky ones and at least me and my sister haven't turned out like them we are nice people from being around my mum's family. flowers xx

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