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To call someone out for being racist on fb?

(27 Posts)
chocolateavocado99 Mon 16-Jan-17 23:17:57

Dh has a relative that has ended up on my fb. She regularly posts racist shit about foreigners taking over the UK and the nhs problems being a result of foreigners getting free service.
I am not racist and have starting telling her in a polite way that she is not fact checking before she posts, or about my experience as a fee paying foreigner in the UK. So far I have been polite. She never responds to me.
Dh and other family members have hid her posts but I struggle with that. By them saying nothing, she doesn't get the message of just how horrible she is being.
Problem is, she has always been very kind to my dds. We live overseas and go back every 2 years so we will see her this year. My dcs are excited to see her.
So aibu to call her on these comments, or should I just let it go and delete her?

WorraLiberty Mon 16-Jan-17 23:23:32

She didn't 'end up' on your Facebook, you accepted her friend request/sent her a friend request in good faith.

I don't think calling her out on her comments will help, as people like that tend to post like sheep - assuming 'it must be true, because Facebook says it is'.

I would have no qualms in deleting her. You DC have nothing to do with your choice of FB friends.

Crowdblundering Mon 16-Jan-17 23:24:19

Just delete her.

That's what most people do about my dad.

HerOtherHalf Mon 16-Jan-17 23:26:02

Just block or delete her. You can't cure the internet of stoopid.

Gwenci Mon 16-Jan-17 23:33:48

Whilst I agree with pp about how people like her will never change because of your responses, and you'd be banging your head on a brick wall by engaging with her, I do also see your point about how, by just hiding or deleting her, you're almost 'letting her get away' with her racist views.

I feel similarly about my FIL. He's been nothing but generous and kind to DH, myself and our DC. But he spouts forth some frankly abhorrent views. I call him out every time. It gets me nowhere and I'll never change his mind, but I do it anyway because I never want him to think for one second that I'm in tacit agreement with him.

I'd say carry on. If you want to remain on good terms in real life then be polite, be friendly - question the validity of the sources and the dubious statistics these things usually rely on.

At least you'll feel better even if it gets you nowhere.

Reality16 Mon 16-Jan-17 23:35:21

Call her out if you are a naturally argumentative person and fancy having it out with her. Be aware she will have lots of freinds who will publicly support her.

I just delete the idiots, it's much easier.

albertcampionscat Mon 16-Jan-17 23:35:46

report it as fake news

DJBaggySmalls Mon 16-Jan-17 23:41:54

Report the posts and block her.

chocolateavocado99 Mon 16-Jan-17 23:55:02

Thanks Gwenci, that is how I feel. I may just block her. At least she will know why.

Gwenci Tue 17-Jan-17 00:04:17

It's difficult when someone you want to care about makes it difficult by being a total wanker!

I agree, if you're going to do either at least block/unfriend her rather than just hide her posts. At least she'll see that.

IMissGrannyW Tue 17-Jan-17 00:09:30

I used to commute 20 miles to a place, and on the final run would often see a colleague struggling up the hill to our workplace.

So, of course I used to stop and offer her a lift.

In that 2 mins in the car, she'd ALWAYS talk about "foreigners". In the end I just drove another way into work (which was longer) because I just couldn't stand it. I always feel bad I didn't call her out strongly enough.

Harder for you though, because your DC likes them.

dailyfailplagiarism Tue 17-Jan-17 00:35:34

I've got a friend like that who likes to post anti immigration posts. It hasn't dawned on her that as an English woman living in Australia she herself is an immigrant.
It also hasn't dawned on her that as a teacher in a high Muslim area posting anti Muslim bullshit is also not wise.

cakefart Tue 17-Jan-17 00:55:59

Don't block go her just unfollow her and restrict what she can see on your page, it won't matter that she doesn't know, surely it is enough for you that you know?

Or confront and resolve.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Tue 17-Jan-17 01:11:00

I confronted a FB racist once.

Some crap about Muslims killing our Christmas trees or some shit.

Didn't work out. You can't argue with stupid.

faithinthesound Tue 17-Jan-17 01:56:49

I think you should just unfollow her on FB. If you want to call her out, I'd do it in person. Doing it on FB just lets other people jump on the bandwagon, either side, and you may come out of it looking like the drama starter. A quiet word in private just the two of you not only eliminates any chance of you being accused of attention seeking and kicking off on FB, but it also stands a greater chance of getting through to her (because calling her out on FB is going to make her feel humiliated and therefore make her dig her heels in further).

Of course, this is only if you think she's the type of person who can be reasoned with. If not, I'd say, disengage. My point is, if you're going to confront, don't do it on FB because someone's going to come out looking the worse for wear, and chances are it will be you for "picking a fight" - even if you are right. (And I think you are.)

Atenco Tue 17-Jan-17 02:57:11

Just unfollow.

Many years ago I worked with a lovely man who really wasn't racist at all, but would spout whatever the news headline the day before had been as if it were his opinion. We always managed to persuade him nicely that he was wrong. Maybe this woman is that type.

Heathen4Hire Tue 17-Jan-17 03:03:43

A family member did the same...and a bunch of us quietly unfriended her. No biggie.

AutumnalLeaves38 Tue 17-Jan-17 03:43:43

My automatic reaction would be to go no contact. Nobody needs that bigotry. Would her not being in your lives really matter? Might she ever be seeing you more frequently and influencing your DDs? (Though perhaps they're at an age to understand Auntie Flo's got weird views, which no-one else in the family agrees with?). Does she spout her bile at every opportunity IRL, or just from the comfort of her keyboard, on her own FB?

However, your situation's made more difficult if you have to maintain (even minimal) civil contact ahead of the visit.

Will you actually be staying with her, or is it more of a fleeting 1hr 'duty call', for the sake of your DH's family ties? The first scenario is tricky, as online fireworks beforehand would make for in-person awkwardness for you, whilst she called the shots in her own home.

The second's easier and could be left to DH & the kids to do alone, surely. Migraine to absent you, if necessary.

Depending on the above, and your judgment call as to potential consequences, I guess one option would be:

A succinct, private message:
"I find your racist posts offensive. I've explained many times my reasons for strongly disagreeing with your views, to no response. I'm struggling to reconcile them with the person we know, who's always so kind and thoughtful to our DDs. I am therefore choosing to leave/ block/ unfriend."

Ball's in her court then...

Gwenci makes an excellent point: "...he spouts forth some frankly abhorrent views. I call him out every time. It gets me nowhere and I'll never change his mind, but I do it anyway because I never want him to think for one second that I'm in tacit agreement with him."

Well done for challenging! Good luck.

NightWanderer Tue 17-Jan-17 03:56:55

I have a friend who voted for Donald Trump. She posted one of those memes about how just because people voted for Trump doesn't mean they are racist. The thing is she regularly posts racist memes from Britain First and other right wing organisations, so I'm pretty sure she is racist. I deleted her but she sent me another friend request. I just can't face the thought of her any more.

BusterGonad Tue 17-Jan-17 04:20:52

Do you like her? Can you put up with her views? If the answer to these two questions is yes then you have to put up with it, if the answer is no then unfriend her and don't see her. You can't change people's views. Everyone has a right to opinions. If you can't put up with them then don't see her. I have a friend who supported/supports fox hunting. I detest it but I've realized that our friendship is worth more so we don't discuss it and she's one of my best friends. At the end of the day I'd rather have a good friend who supports me when I need it. I may be wrong but that's how I prioritize it.

dylsmimi Tue 17-Jan-17 04:28:37

Are they her own posts or is she sharing posts that's are offensive eg from britains first?
A friend of DH shared one stating that 'this has been reported as offensive in today's Britain, share of you disagree and it should remain' with a picture of a bacon sandwich hmm I think dh's friend saw the picture and thought 'yum bacon sandwich that's not offensive but delicious' and shared it without thinking of the meaning
His cousin on the other hand starting several posts himself with 'I'm not racist but ...' - now blocked

angeldelightedme Tue 17-Jan-17 04:56:43

Concern about immigration is not racism

Eminybob Tue 17-Jan-17 05:03:22

I called my dad out on a racist post he put on (well, his wife did as she "controls" his Facebook) I told him to take it down, he didn't but he hasn't posted anything like it again so I'm hoping he/she realise they are twats.
They do follow pages like Britain First and other "patriotic" pages. They genuinely think they are just being patriotic though. Don't think it's racist. But like someone upthread said, you can't argue with stupid.

On the other hand, a usually lovely normal person I know posted a really offensive racist "joke" and I didn't call her out. I really wish I had have done because I don't think she really got how offensive it was. I unfollowed her in disgust but still have to see her irl and haven't said anything, although I want to and will if I hear of her doing anything like it again. Tbf though her husband is racist prick so it was only a matter of time before it rubbed off on her.

BusterGonad Tue 17-Jan-17 05:09:02

I agree with Angel I think people are getting fed up of being branded racist and stupid if they dare have an opinion which isn't the same as someone else's. If you don't like her opinion Op then don't be her friend, I think there is nothing worse than a lecture because you haven't got the same opinion as her.

mollie123 Tue 17-Jan-17 06:01:50

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion (even on Facebook or mumsnet)
unfriend or ignore if you disagree but this is still 'allegedly' a country of free speech.

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