To not really be feeling like I probably should be about this?(8 Posts)
Name changer, been around for eons but this would make me highly recognisable in RL.
I went to my local Tesco Metro today, I go there at least twice a week, middle of the day. As I went in I kind of slowed down in the door and told ds (age 13) to stay there and wait for me. I felt a really sharp dig in the back of my leg and a man passed me staring really aggressively at me. I thought it was me that I had got in his way so I apologised. I left ds at the door and went down an empty aisle and stopped to choose some bread. The same man was further down the aisle, when I looked up he had come to stand right next to me and was staring at me. I tried to move on but he blocked my way and said "what the fuck do you think you were doing? Who the fuck do you think you are? Do you know what I have got, I am going to do you, I am going to stick this in you and your blonde hair and blue eyes can't fucking save you now" while he said this he was lunging at me with his hand in his pocket, I think I was supposed to think there was a knife in there, maybe there was. I tried to move away from him and he barged me very hard into the shelf, every time I tried to move away he pushed into me again very hard all the time calling me names and telling me I was dead that he was going to kill me and calling me a white bitch, white cunt, white slag. I managed to get past him but I didn't run, firstly I didn't want to take him to near where ds was but I knew I had to get where other people were. I managed to get up the aisle (he shoved me as I went) and a woman saw what was going on and told him to stop, he left me then and started in on her. She just stared straight ahead and ignored him. In the end he left the shop and I grabbed ds and left. I called the police who came and took a statement and will examine cctv and try to find who he is. If they find him its likely he will be charged with threats to kill and some kind of hate crime, though it is obviously possible that he has MH issues.
I was very frightened at the time and really thought my number was up. But since then I am not really feeling anything at all, I haven't even told anyone about it except on this thread. The police said I would be put in touch with victim support but I don't feel like a victim. I didn't even know whether I should call the police or not, I really questioned whether I should or not, as nothing had actually happened. The police were fantastic and said it was very serious but I just do not feel that way. Am I in shock? I just don't seem to be processing it, I feel numb when I think about it. I bit angry with myself if anything. I feel like I didn't do enough to protect ds, I was so frightened of this man that I am scared I wouldn't have been able to protect my child. I keep thinking what I would have done if he had attacked ds but then I am blank. I think instinct would have taken over, it has before when ds was in trouble. I just feel really weird and not how I think I should do after something like this. I feel like I was no good to ds and that is making me not like myself very much.
Yes, you are in shock, and that's okay.
Breathe. You're okay now. People have different reactions to scary situations, some get hyperactive, some over efficient, some pretend life is normal, some go numb. It's all defence mechanisms- a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.
Hug your little boy and treat yourself gently. Accept any feelings that come up in future. You're not being unreasonable at all.
You are in shock
That's horrific. He needs identifying and locking up! Awful
It definitely sounds as if he has a MH problem, but aside from that you are probably in shock. I would take any offered help from Victim Support.
The guy took the piss..out of vulnerability. Luckily you were in a very public place, and it didn't come to anything harmful. You decided to leave your DS at the door which turned out to be a good decision. Put it down to experience, statistically it's a one-off, but now you are more aware of the world so you can learn from it rather than becoming paranoid.
That sounds like shock.
Is it possible that you aren't upset because you haven't finished dealing with the situation? Once you've dealt with it practically, you may feel differently?
(I think of myself as as slow thinker. I'm great in a crisis, as you were then about 6 months, or once even years, later, I'll have a cry!)
Sounds awful! I'm so sorry this happened to you, you did well to get away and keep him from your DS. He's a nasty bully and I hope the police track him down.
What a terrifying thing to happen. You poor thing . You sound like you are (very unsurprisingly) in shock. Its totally normal to feel numb and generally very strange indeed, after such a frightening incident. Your body will have had a huge amount of adrenalin pumping round it at the time to help you through the immediate danger. Once the situation is over you are then often left feeling weak, exhausted, shakey, numb etc and generally shit as the adrenlin levels plummet.
It could be a while till you actually get offered a meeting with a Victim Support worker, by which time you may feel you would benefit from being able to talk through what you went through with someone impartial. And if you feel totally ok, then you can always cancel when you are offered an appointment.
Take it as easy as you can over the next few days. You've been through a heck of a shock. .
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