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To message my dad after three years of not talking?

(13 Posts)
MadJeffBarn Mon 16-Jan-17 21:01:02

We fell out three years ago. He left my mum, had a baby with another woman, we both tried to maintain a relationship but it was hard when he treated my younger sisters really badly (my youngest sister being 12 at the time, and my dad just couldn't understand why she was upset by the situation). He doesnt see where he goes wrong or own his mistakes, which is very frustrating. But I miss him, he's not getting any younger, and I would hate if something happened to either of us on bad terms. He's also gained two more grandchildren since we last spoke. Problem is, he's blocked me on Facebook. Part of me thinks he doesn't want a relationship, and I would have to message him through my partners profile. All I would write is something like 'hi dad, just want you to know I love and miss you.' But if he's blocked me, is it worth the possible rejection? Baring in mind we fell out because I finally spoke my mind and he didn't like it. I have a little half sister too who likely doesn't even know I exist, and it breaks my heart whenever my eldest asks where my dad is.

frogsgoladidahdidah Mon 16-Jan-17 21:04:51

Life is too short for all of that bollocks. Just get in touch.

Good luck

ninenicknames Mon 16-Jan-17 21:06:03

You have nothing to lose. Do it. You will have no regrets. If he rejects you, you have lost nothing.

You have everything to gain. Please do.

Wish you the very best - I hope it works out 💐

Tezacat Mon 16-Jan-17 21:10:27

I'm in a similar position with a very similar story, my father cut me out of his life after he jumped straight into a new relationship after my mother died. Hi new GF did her best to cause trouble between us and she succeeded. In hindsight I played straight into her hands and the weak, pathetic man he is / was allowed it to happen.
Like you, I was devastated and it's taken quite some time to come to terms with it. As far as I'm concerned he's no father - no decent parent would do that to a child, no matter how old they are. He's immersed himself in his new family which i suspect is exactly what his new GF wanted, me off the scene to fill his life with her family. He's destroyed all evidence of my mother from the family home.
I'm now of the opinion that as he's is aging he'll need me before I need him. I honestly couldn't care less about him any more. I'll always be sad about the situation but as far as I'm cincerned he's showed his true colours. Even if we did start talking again things would never be the same, he's hurt me too much.
You have to accept that maybe that would be the case for you too, the damage is done so to speak.

MadJeffBarn Mon 16-Jan-17 21:13:51

Yeah his girlfriend did the exact same. Fell pregnant 'by accident', made it difficult for my dad to come down and see us and constantly got involved in our arguments, this final argument was between me and my dad, and somehow his girlfriend came to the conclusion that i was upsetting him and that I should just leave him alone hmm

Tezacat Mon 16-Jan-17 21:21:07

Thankfully this woman my father is with is way to old to procreate but she moved in within weeks and wiped every trace of my mother away. She wowed my father with money, sex and God knows what else - he'd had a difficult time I admit as my mother had been ill for years but there was no though for anyone else at all. She rode rough shod over everyone in the family's feelings and got me, as the only daughter especially in her sights for troubke making, threatening to break up with my father unless he 'put me in my place' which happened to be cutting me out of his life completely. He also lost his only grandchildren but that's okay as shes got some he can pretend to be the doting GFS over.
It's up to you obviously but whilst your father is still with his partner she will always come before you. The minute you step out of line you'll be cut off again.
That's what stops me from bothering to beg him for a relationship - it will have to be on her terms (which will be over my dead body).

MadJeffBarn Mon 16-Jan-17 21:27:03

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can understand my dad's actions to an extent, as he and my mum were unhappy for a long time and she quite quickly got into a relationship with the man she had been cheating with before my dad left (but in my sisters eyes she can do no wrong) but from the sounds of it, your dad's actions have been inexcusable. And I'm sorry for your loss, it must feel like you lost both your parents very quickly xxflowers

Tezacat Mon 16-Jan-17 21:30:55

Thanks, yes it's been incredibly painful. I hope you decide what to do and it works out for you - that your dad will be the dad you want him to be. flowers

DJBaggySmalls Mon 16-Jan-17 21:35:18

What outcome do you want from making contact?
How much support do you have if it goes wrong? How resilient are you?

Good fathers dont ditch their kids, and as you have said he cant take criticism. So make sure you have some buffers and dont pin all your hopes on a reconciliation.
Good luck.

NorthSouthLifesStillSame Mon 16-Jan-17 21:44:34

Please do it, I'd do anything for my son to acknowledge me. It's been two years without a word from him after I did something wrong . It might just make your dads day . Good luck .

Zafodbeeblbrox10 Mon 16-Jan-17 21:47:50

Just remember.. life is short.. if you want a relationship with your dad go for it. Some things can be forgiven, and some can't..I'm sure you know the difference

shatteredmama Mon 16-Jan-17 22:28:36

Tezacat flowers for you. I could have written your post, pretty much the exact same thing happened to me. I've gone totally no contact with my dad too, and will never speak to him again either. It's crap. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

Tezacat Tue 17-Jan-17 06:44:22

Thanks shattered it is indeed crap. He was the one that instigated the NC with me after I'd said I didn't want anything to do with his horrible, shitstirring GF. He was so scared of rocking the boat with her as she kept threatening to break up with him it was easier for him to cut me out for an easy life.
I did try to get back in touch a few months later but was told I was only bothering to get back in touch to cause trouble between them.
It still feels all quite unbelievable, even a few years later but the raw pain and grief has stopped now. From what I hear he's got his hands very full at a time in his life he should be taking it easier, he's finding it stressful by all accounts. I hope he's very happy in the bed he's created for himself. Silly, stupid man who has only thought about how warm his bed is, no one else.

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