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AIBU to ask him to move out?

(6 Posts)
Hotwaterbottle1 Mon 16-Jan-17 19:24:41

Separated since April. Marriage rocky for years, he gave me no emotional support & little intimacy. DC 16 & 13.

We are living separately lives as much as possible, separate bedrooms.

He swings from saying he will move out to refusing. Separation agreement has been drawn up but he has not signed.

I have a decent paid part-time job with good future prospects. I'm home 3 days a week to cook dinner etc, other two still has me by 5. I do the majority of the housework. Youngest DC definitely still needs me there. House lets in this area are high, I could only afford a flat share, this would then mean not having the kids over properly just us or them staying. They would be alone in the mornings & everyday after school. Stbex would have no weekends off.

On the other hand if he moves he can afford to rent a flat big enough for them all so can have proper access. The kids benefit having proper access to us both. I know it would be really upsetting for them otherwise.

So AIBU asking him to move even though it's my choice to split?

Hotwaterbottle1 Tue 17-Jan-17 08:09:04


LALALALALAND Tue 17-Jan-17 08:26:31

On a practical level you may be eligible for housing benefits if you move out with the children.

However given the age of the children the 1st thing that you need to do is sit down with them and ask them who they want to live with. That would be a good way to determine who moves out.

Do you own the house? Given the age of the children it may be possible to get an agreement that whoever they live with can stay in the house until they are 18 (or leave home if earlier). You may decide that a clean break and selling now is better.

LALALALALAND Tue 17-Jan-17 08:28:31

You could look at a shared house and flat if the children want shared custody. So between you you have the house and a small flat. You both live in both and move into the family house when it is your turn with the children. I know a couple who do this with teens and oddly it works really well.

TheNaze73 Tue 17-Jan-17 08:30:14

I think YABU expecting him to move out, considering you instigated the split. Think this'll be a tough fight

Hotwaterbottle1 Tue 17-Jan-17 11:05:59

I don't think it's fair to ask the children. He had agreed initially to move out so this is what the kids think is happening.

We own the house, I am therefore only eligible for housing benefit for 6 months under Scottish law & then the house must be sold.

I want to be free of ties as much as I can do the house share is so unappealing. He has been quite nasty to me.

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