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to not want my 18yr son having girls sleep over.

(74 Posts)
coffeehouse Mon 16-Jan-17 15:18:45

I am really struggling.
He is very sexually active and while I realise he is an adult its my home sad
He says its his home too! But he thinks that casual sex is fun and doesn't seem mature enough to see the negatives that also can come along with this lifestyle.
He thinks I am being very unreasonable - I woke up to another young lady of 16 in my house at the weekend and he hit the roof when I said she couldn't stay over another night.

I have two other children in my house also, the youngest is 8. I would like to promote a different approach to relationships.

Any advice or similar experiences greatly appreciated.

maddiemookins16mum Mon 16-Jan-17 15:21:14

YANBU (although I think the horse has already bolted to be honest).

Allthewaves Mon 16-Jan-17 15:21:34

I agree. My house rule would be once he has a gf who's been introduced to the family then he can have her sleeping over.

user1477282676 Mon 16-Jan-17 15:22:22

Oh no...totally inapropriate! He can't bring random strangers into your home! Simply tell him no! Who'se he to "hit the roof"? It's your house. Your rules.

I had an absolute ban on my son having random girls over, reluctantly agreed when he was in a long term relationship to having the girlfriend (often!) but when this ended I said Nope to one nighters etc, said 'you will have to go to theirs son as I am not having it, makes me too uncomfortable' and his DB was at home too. He did respect this thank goodness despite having a try every so often to change my mind. He had a spell away working abroad, then at a friends where I presume he indulged in all sorts of shenanigans that I didn't need to know about.

nocampinghere Mon 16-Jan-17 15:24:56

Just tell him no way and to have a bit of respect.

nocampinghere Mon 16-Jan-17 15:24:59

Just tell him no way and to have a bit of respect.

Isadora2007 Mon 16-Jan-17 15:27:34

Whilst I don't quite go right down the "my house my rules" route very often I'm afraid I would for this.
More because I have younger children too and I wouldn't want them to think casual relationships were the ideal.
Does he pay rent? That might sway my view a little... though even boarding houses or b and bs have rules about overnight guests am sure.
So no YANBU

itsmine Mon 16-Jan-17 15:28:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Jan-17 15:28:58

Who is in charge here ? confused

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 16-Jan-17 15:32:19

Yes, there's a huge difference between a regular and known partner staying over, and some random stranger lurching from the bathroom unexpectedly. If he can't see the difference, he's not as adult as he thinks!

This is a family home, not a knocking shop. If he wants to live that way, he can find his own place. He does not have the right to impose random people on you and your privacy.

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 16-Jan-17 15:32:25

I let my lot have people they are in a relationship with stay over, but not randomers. Like you I have younger ones in the house and want to send them positive messages about sex and relationships.

I think you should stay firm about this. And perhaps have a serious chat to him about condoms, just in case he is being casual in that area too.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 16-Jan-17 15:34:00

Yadnbu

You're more than entitled to say you don't want strangers in your home! If he doesn't like it then he can go and live independently and do whatever he wants

coffeehouse Mon 16-Jan-17 15:35:23

Thank you, glad Ianbur - He tells me I am out of touch and all his friends think I am a nut case.

No, he is a student but doesn't work, got the sack in the summer and hasn't worked since and doesn't contribute - another fun fight in our house.

He met said girl on Thursday and now it appears its a long term relationship. And its all going to fall to pieces because I wont let her stay over :-(

Underthemoonlight Mon 16-Jan-17 15:36:32

In the words of my father to my DBs this isn't a knocking shop. I agree if it's a GF but not different girls especially with younger DC around. Their needs should triumph the eldest DB.

Topseyt Mon 16-Jan-17 15:39:47

If he wants to live in your house he has to continue to abide by your rules.

Yes, he has a home in your house, but that is also conditional on him respecting your rules.

Tell him that in no uncertain terms. Leave no room for doubt. He has no right to turn it into a knocking shop (I know someone who had to have that drummed into them in precisely those terms). Nor, I presume, does he own the property.

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 16-Jan-17 15:42:03

Tell him all your friends think you are a nutcase to let him live there without contributing. Should you both implement your friends' wishes?

Topseyt Mon 16-Jan-17 15:42:14

Cross post with underthemoonlight there.☺

wifeyhun Mon 16-Jan-17 15:42:28

YANBU, it is unreasonable for anyone living in your home to keep bringing home random strangers.

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 16-Jan-17 15:43:21

And why aren't they at her house if everyone else's parents are so hip and liberal?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 16-Jan-17 15:43:38

If it were a steady girlfriend. I'd be staying YABVU. But just bringing random girls back for sex. Is way out of order. He can take as many girls back as he likes when Hes got his own place.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 16-Jan-17 15:44:34

Christ, no. As if that's bloody normal. He's talking out of his arse that his friends think you're a nutcase hmm As PP, if it's a girlfriend who he is happy to introduce to the family, fine, if not, piss off elsewhere.

titchy Mon 16-Jan-17 15:46:46

Nothing to stop him staying over at hers.

LTR - fine. ONS - not fine.

coffeehouse Mon 16-Jan-17 15:47:13

Hooray! Thanks all - this helps a lot!

EvansOvalPies Mon 16-Jan-17 15:56:44

YANBU - for all the reasons given above. My own adult children have tried it - and failed, most miserably! Don't give in to the 'My friends think you are a nutcase'. They all try this from primary school. Stick to your guns. No randoms. I could tell you some tales from our house . . . . . . . grin

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