PILs are retired, and live about 2 hrs away via unlit, narrow and crappy rural roads (which can be scary in ice/snow/rain). We stayed 2 nights at Christmas, as usual, which I go along with for DH's sake. I hate staying there, always come home constipated (long story) which takes a few days to resolve, can't sleep well in the very hard single beds, and get backache. I am also disabled so 2 hours in a car is not great for me. Let me say I would attend this meal if we didn't have to stay overnight. (The drive home is not something you want to do in the dark, and it's quite stressful as the roads are so awful. There is no real alternative route unless you go another 50 miles or so on similar roads.) Whenever we stay there, after a brief conversation - DH skypes them twice a week so they know all our news - PIL puts the TV on to whatever he fancies, sport, news, whatever, at deafening levels, and we all sit there in a semi-circle around the TV. I don't think he'd notice if we got up and left TBH, and I find it rude. If anyone talks he turns up the volume. I usually excuse myself then and go to the bedroom and read until bedtime. I always wonder why I'm there at all. DH of course thinks they can do no wrong and sits there deafened and bored stiff pretending to be interested. He won't say anything about it, as I would have been able to with my dear dad. I think that if someone takes gives up several days and drives hours to visit you, you make some effort to engage with them, or at least not be so selfish.
Anyhow, they have a big wedding anniversary in February and have issued an invitation to a dinner they have arranged with their retired friends who live nearby. This dinner is midweek, evening, and means DH would have to take 2 days off work to go, being the only one in the party who goes out to work. I said he should refuse, giving an excuse, and told him I will not go. He said he 'felt obliged', as his only sibling lives abroad. If it was so important to PILs that he is there, (it doesn't really matter if I'm there!), then shouldn't they have arranged it for a weekend at least? Or a lunch instead of dinner? I think I am old enough to be able to refuse, but unfortunately, my DH takes an 'invitation' from them more as a command. Who is being unreasonable?
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to refuse PILs invitation?
116 replies
ginghamstarfish · 16/01/2017 15:16
OP posts:
NavyandWhite ·
16/01/2017 15:22
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